


The Persistence of Memory

by sqbr



Category: Nameless: The one thing you must recall
Genre: F/M, Fanfiction, M/M, Multi, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2019-09-11
Packaged: 2019-09-26 05:13:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 77,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17135630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sqbr/pseuds/sqbr
Summary: With the memories of five worlds in her head, Eri's not quite the same girl she used to be. Any happy ending for her and her dolls will be hard-won, and strange. But love will find a way.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is an attempt to create a happy polyamorous ending for everyone, starting just after Secret End 1. 
> 
> Currently the planned romantic setup is all the dolls being in relationships with Eri, while Tei and Yuri also have a triad with her. There are further content notes in the end notes, but they spoil the plot a little.
> 
> I'm not currently planning to include any graphic violence, major character death, or further non-con beyond canon events/thoughts. Any sex will involve the characters listed, who are all at least 16.

For a moment, it had seemed like everything would be alright. 

Red had distracted the strange boy who'd kidnapped Eri, Lance had pulled her out of his arms, Tei had opened the door and Yuri had ushered them all to safety. Once they were back out in the kitchen Yeonho had felt a weight fall off his shoulders, as the dark presence he'd sensed fell away. He'd turned to reassure Eri and the others that they should be safe from the boy, now, but something in Eri's expression had made him pause. She'd opened her mouth as if to say something, then put her hand to her head, and closed her eyes, as if in pain. 

It was Red who caught her when she fell. But all of them cried out in concern, five dolls all terrified for their owner, their love and all their efforts still not enough to keep her safe.

It seemed like every time Yeonho let himself believe he could be happy, it was torn away from him. His happy life by Eri's side felt like a distant memory, and now he was doomed to loneliness and his Master was doomed to whatever dark dreams made her twitch in her sleep. He wanted to throw himself upon her and beg for her to come back to him, but that wouldn't achieve anything. So he just stood quietly by her bed, holding her hand, and tried not to cry. 

He was so focussed on Eri that it took him a while to realise that her room looked subtly strange. There was the bed he remembered, the desk with the dolls and her diary. But something felt slightly off, and the familiar cork-board was covered in an unfamiliar forest of paper notes, saying things like "Your school is Crobi Academy" and "Tei works at the cafe Banjul".

Yeonho hadn't wanted to admit to himself, but Eri felt strange too. She was his Eri, but also not. She was _more_ , somehow. The holes he'd sensed in her heart were gone. What did that mean for her? What did it mean for him? And would she ever wake up?

"Oh," said Red, with relief, looking around the room after making sure Eri was safely tucked into in bed. "Everything's exactly the same." He brushed Eri's hair out of her eyes and then sat on the floor by the bed with a heavy flop. "I should stay with her," he said, like it was obvious. 

"Oh, I see how it is," said Yuri, in a sharp whisper. He'd crowded next to Yeonho by Eri's side, while Tei had politely stood back to give the others room. "You're just going to treat her like she's yours by default?"

"What?" said Red, loudly, standing to his feet. Then he quickly lowered his voice with a guilty look at Eri. "What?" he whispered, "No!" He rubbed his face and then shooed everyone out of the room and shut the door behind them before explaining himself in a soft voice.

"Someone needs to stay with her for _safety_ ," he said, in a serious tone Yeonho wasn't used to from Red. Had being with Eri helped him mature, as it had helped Yeonho? "She wandered out and got lost before, when her memory was playing up, and it might happen again. It doesn't have to be me, staying with her. I just...got used to doing it." He sighed, and bit his lip. "She's not...not _mine_. I don't know if she remembers me, or...or cares for me, the way she used to. I'm not going to assume anything. I've learned not to." 

"Red..." said Yeonho, sadly. It hurt to see Red's usually bright face so troubled. And to think of Eri forgetting him, forgetting all of them, forced to live in some twilight world of forgetfulness...his heart ached for her. He'd missed her for so long, had dreamed of seeing her again, but not like this. 

"I'm sorry," said Yuri. "It's...difficult not to be jealous. But I know you're trying to take care of her. And I'd rather she wake up and be with you than not wake up at all. I'd....question her taste, but I wouldn't get in the way." He made a face. "That goes for all of you, I suppose. Though I have to wonder what I was doing in your worlds that she chose you over me."

"Let's get away from the door," said Tei. "She won't wake for a while, and it's important she rest. She's had quite an ordeal." They followed him into the kitchen and he made tea for them all, with only a brief frown when he couldn't find the sort he'd been expecting. 

"Red," said Yuri. "Is this the world you came from? It's not how I remember mine."

"Really?" said Red. "I mean...yeah, it seems the same to me. How was yours different, was there...a different president or something?"

Lance made a sound of irritation. "This isn't one of your comic books. He just means that our worlds didn't have these notes everywhere." Lance gestured to a note on the fridge with reminders about breakfast routine. Had Eri forgotten even that? Had the universe sent them here because she'd need those notes again?

"I don't care what world we're in as long as Eri is safe," said Red. "Is he really gone? That...boy?"

Yeonho went up to the closet and paused. He prepared himself for what might be behind it, then opened the door. And...it was just a closet. A closet full of boxes and dust but entirely free of strange boys and resentful presences. 

"I don't sense anything," he said. "But I never sensed anything from this closet before today, either." He frowned in thought. "That boy said he was an old doll of Eri's...I'm not sure how he pulled her into his world, but he seemed to think he couldn't get her back if we took her from him." 

"His goal was to get all the pieces that used to lie within us," said Tei. "I'm guessing he needed them to bring her to him...maybe he could only use them once."

"That's a lot of _maybe_ and _I guess_ ," said Lance. "We should take everything in that closet and burn it."

"Lance!" said Red in horror. "That's...that's Eri's _memories_ , it's all the stuff from her grandad and her past." Lance didn't look convinced, and Red grabbed his arm. "Her diary being ruined messed up her memories, what if messing with that stuff hurts her too?" 

Lance let out a sound of frustration, but didn't pull out of Red's grip. "You're right," he said, irritably. Wow, Lance admitting Red was right about something? "Then I suppose we do have to just...hope he was defeated. And keep our guards up."

Red nodded in agreement. "Right! But we defeated him before, we can do it again if we have to. We're a pretty reliable team." He was so different now, this Red who'd had Eri by his side. Lance, too. What had the Yeonho in their worlds been like, then, without her? What would Yeonho become now, in this world where he had to let her go? 

_Stop wallowing in self pity_ , Yeonho thought to himself in annoyance. "Red," he said. "I...I really hope she wakes up with her memories. But if she doesn't, what can we do to help? You've dealt with this before, right?"

"We didn't figure out anything that could really help her," said Red, sadly. "We just explained things when she forgot them, and didn't assume she'd remember stuff. Be patient I guess? But you guys...you guys were all great, in my world, and I'm sure you'll be great now." He gave a bright, reassuring smile, but then paused pensively, and his face suddenly fell. "Oh no." Red put his hand on his mouth.

"What?" hissed Lance in concern.

Red looked at Lance with wide, sad eyes. "You're not the same guys I knew, right? You're from other worlds." Lance nodded, looking annoyed. "So...are the guys _I_ knew...gone? Or trapped in their doll bodies? I was so happy to see you all again...and I am! I'm really glad you're here, I missed you all. But..."

He had a point. Yeonho felt a pang of worry for the Red, Lance, Tei, and Yuri that he'd known for so long. But there was nothing they could do for those other versions of themselves right now. 

"I'll check the dolls later," said Yeonho. "If they're in there we can talk to them, so they know they're not forgotten."

"Thanks," said Red. "I know you lost your friends too." He let out a long sigh. "This is all so messed up! I'm glad Eri's safe, and you're all here, but...how are we going to handle...this?"

They'd all avoided discussing the obvious fact that there were five of them, all in love with Eri, and only one of her. But they couldn't avoid it forever.

"We'll figure something out," said Tei, and he sounded so sure that Yeonho believed him, if only a little bit. He'd missed Tei, and even if this wasn't quite the Tei he'd been missing, it was still good to have him here. "And I think we should put aside worrying about anything else until we know Eri's safe. Alright?" Everyone nodded, but none of them looked very happy about it. 

"Considering what Red said before, Eri might do something dangerous in a confused state," said Lance. "We should organise a roster of who stays with her until we know she's safe. I propose we go in the obvious order: me, Yeonho, Red, Tei, and then Yuri." An "obvious" order that conveniently put Lance first. But since Yeonho got to be second, he wasn't going to complain.

"I shouldn't be alone with her," said Tei, so softly that Yeonho could barely hear it. 

"What?" said Lance.

"Someone needs to stay with her," said Tei, "but someone needs to make dinner, too. I'll do that. Lance, you can stay with her until eleven, then Yeonho can sleep in her room, and Red takes over tomorrow after breakfast. Does that seem reasonable, to start?" 

Red made a face. 

"Red?" said Tei. "I'm sorry, I know you want to stay with her right away, but we all do. And you'll have your chance, whether she stays asleep or not."

"I know," said Red, sullenly. "It's just...I promised I would always be the first person she saw when she woke up. I don't like breaking that promise."

"Well, I promised something similar," said Yuri. "I'm guessing these other boys did too. We're all going to have to get used to breaking promises." He looked away. "And having the promises she made to us be broken."

* * *

This Tei was just as good a cook as the one from Yuri's world, maybe even better. Yuri savoured the taste of his dinner and watched him as he served and chatted and ate. He had the same gentle smile, and gave Yuri the same sense that something darker lurked beneath, but...it was all different somehow. The smile was less forced, and more bittersweet. The lurking darkness felt closer to the surface, but less overwhelming. What was he really like, this Tei? What had it done to him, to actually touch the owner he had yearned after for so long in creepy silence?

And why was he so afraid to do it again?

"Tei," said Yuri, "Can I speak to you in the library for a moment?"

"Of course," said Tei, with a bland smile, leaving Yeonho and Lance to finish cleaning the dishes. 

Their old room was just as Yuri remembered it- which is to say, how he remembered it from when it had been _their_ room, before he'd moved his things in with Eri. But this Yuri had never left. There were his clothes, there were his school notes, there were his accessories on the shelves and on the floor. It was a cold reminder that Yuri was in a world where he was just Eri's friend. Her _teacher_. 

"My things are still here..." said Tei. "And yours are...everywhere, as usual." 

Yuri wondered what it had been like for the Yuri from Tei's world, left alone in this room while Tei went to sleep with Eri (Yuri had no doubt that Tei had slept with Eri the first chance he got). Had that other Yuri been jealous? Had he been worried, to see Eri tied so closely to Tei?

"What did you mean, exactly," said Yuri, "About not leaving you alone with Eri?"

"Nothing," said Tei, lightly. "I just...find being around her painful, and you all seemed to want to stay with her, so..." His lips bent into the soft, non-threatening smile that everyone but Yuri seemed to find so convincing.

Yuri laughed darkly. "It doesn't matter what universe you're from, you're still a liar, hmm, Tei?" 

Tei's smile fell, and his eyes flashed with annoyance. "...I guess so," he said, his voice flat. 

"I'm not going to let this go," said Yuri. "If you're a danger to her..."

"You shouldn't let it go," said Tei. Well _that_ was a change. "I'm glad one of you...I don't _want_ to be a danger to her. I want anything but that. But I..."

"But what? Did being with her do something to you?"

Tei laughed. "You think...you don't understand. Being with her didn't make me worse. It made me _better_."

Then why...oh. "But you're not with her any more."

Tei nodded, eyes focussed on the empty air. "I might have to let her go, and...and I'm not sure I can." He let out a short laugh, a sharp, wavering thing that made Yuri's teeth hurt. Tei's voice was cracked and strange, like he was on the verge of shouting, or crying. "I was always a danger to her. The difference is now...thanks to her, I can admit it. At least to you. I'm not sure I could have even told the Yuri from my world but you...you seem like you might take this seriously enough. You seem like you might be able to protect her..."

"From you," said Yuri, feeling uncomfortable and off balance. He'd spent so long being angry at Tei for pretending he was better than Yuri knew him to be that he wasn't sure how to handle a Tei trying to persuade Yuri that he was worse.

"Yes," said Tei. "I want her so much. I love her... _so much_. And if she chooses some one else I...I don't know what I'll do."

Tei looked so miserable, and seemed so earnestly concerned for Eri's well-being. Despite himself, Yuri felt drawn to comfort him. "You loved her in my world too," said Yuri. "And you...that Tei...when she chose me, he...was kind of a jerk about it, but he didn't hurt her. He actually encouraged me to pursue her, in the end." 

Tei looked up at him. He didn't look comforted. "Yuri, that's..."

"I know, it's not the same. I've lost her too, and I know...I know how that feels. If she chooses someone else I am...probably not going to be very nice to him about it. Especially if it's you. Just the thought of it..." Really, all the options were awful. If this was Red's world, did that mean that this was Red's Eri? Was Yuri going to have to watch her be pawed over by that cherry boy and pretend to be supportive? He shuddered. "And I'm a gentleman," he said, trying to put the image out of his mind, "While you're a psycho."

"I really am," said Tei, looking into Yuri's eyes with a flat, empty smile that convinced Yuri more than anything else that Tei was as dangerous as he said he was.

Yuri rubbed his face. "So...what exactly does protecting her entail? You want to make sure you're not alone with her...are you worried you'd threaten her? Are the rest of us in danger?"

"I don't know," said Tei. "I'm not usually drawn to hurt any of you. But I did punch you...the other Yuri, when he was trying to make me jealous."

"And we're _all_ going to be making you jealous," said Yuri. "Wonderful." He raised an eyebrow at Tei. "I hope the other me punched you back." 

"No," said Tei. "But like I said, he was _trying_ to make me jealous. I was avoiding Eri, trying to protect her...He meant well, but I nearly...he underestimated how dangerous I am. I don't want you to make the same mistake."

"What did you do to him?" Yuri felt strange, to know that Tei might have hurt a version of himself in another world.

"To him, nothing much. Just the one punch. But I...I thought he'd been with her. I convinced myself she was dirty, ruined, and I...I was going to..." Tei's wavering voice cracked and broke. "She was so scared. I can't forget how scared she was. And so confused and...and worried for _me_. I don't know why she forgave me, why she still trusted me. I don't deserve it. And I...I don't trust myself not to feel that way again."

Yuri felt like all the warmth had been sucked out of the room. He stepped closer to Tei and stared at him with narrowed eyes. "Going to what?" he said. 

Tei looked away. "Force myself on her," he said, softly. Yuri hissed in a breath.

Tei was right: Yuri had underestimated him. He'd thought Tei manipulative, controlling, maybe violent. But not a _rapist_. A bad person, yes, but not a _monster_. 

"I should kill you," said Yuri, calmly. He'd never thought about killing anyone before, had never even felt drawn to violence. But he felt a cold certainty that he could do it, if he had to. If it was what was necessary to protect Eri. He'd always had a certain grudging affection for Tei, under all the irritation, but that was before. Now, all he could think about was how easy it would be to crush the little bit of plastic that housed this bastard's heart.

"Probably," said Tei. "Are you going to?" There was an edge to his voice that suggested that he wouldn't go quietly, and Yuri's horror and anger was joined by fear. If Tei killed Yuri now, his secret would stay safe. He could probably make it look like an accident, too. He was clever like that.

"No," said Yuri, trying not to let his voice shake. "Not yet. But... _Tei_. To think of doing that to _any_ woman...but to _her _? Even the idea is....I thought you _loved___ her!" 

"I do," said Tei. "I love her so much. That's why I need you to protect her from me."

He sounded so sincere, with none of his usual artifice or misdirection. He really did love Eri, in his awful, broken way. Despite himself, Yuri felt pity, and a tiny flicker of understanding. _Yuri_ would never force himself on Eri, or on anyone. But he had touched, and cajoled, and pushed, when he was drawn to her and didn't know why, and all her refusals and awkwardness had just made him want to try harder, to find some way to get closer despite all her attempts to push him away. And he'd hurt her in so many other ways, too, even when he'd known he was causing her pain. Love was beautiful, but it did not always make you kind. Being kind was a choice.

Yuri sighed and gave Tei a long-suffering look. 

"So what do I do?"

* * *

Lance sat down on the cold floor and settled in to watch his owner sleep. She'd been his girlfriend, once, but deep down he'd known the day would come when she returned to just being his owner again. His heart ached with yearning for what he'd once had, but there was no point wallowing in the past. He still owed her everything, and would do whatever it took to keep her safe.

Her eyelids flickered: was she dreaming? Or remembering? Her mind had suffered so much lately, being wiped and healed and wiped again. Had she lost her memories again, as Red worried? Or was the problem that she'd regained too many at once? Did her mind hold the memories from all five worlds? Could a single human mind contain so much contradictory information, or would it break under the strain? Perhaps her mind would wipe itself again out of self defence, Eri had already shown a tendency to repress the thoughts she couldn't deal with.

Lance had prepared himself for Eri to not remember their relationship, or to remember it but as something she wished to leave in the past. He didn't want to return to simply being one of her many dolls, but he would force himself to stand it as long as she wanted him to stay by her side. But what would he do if she woke and didn't remember him at all?

 _I will teach her to know me again_ , thought Lance, surprised at his own certainty. Eri had been the one to persuade him he wasn't worthless, that he had value to her as himself, not just as a nostalgic reminder of her past, not just as a generic doll she'd turned to when she had no other choice. She'd known him, and found him worthy. He had to believe that she would find him worthy still, even if all the memories that bound her to him were gone. 

_But what if she doesn't_ , said a voice inside him. _What if she only liked you because you reminded her of her grandfather, and without those memories you're useless?_

He sighed quietly to himself. _Then I will accept it_ , he thought. He'd accepted the risk of abandonment when he kissed her for the first time, knowing that becoming her boyfriend meant the high likelihood of at some point becoming her _ex_ -boyfriend, and thus someone she didn't want to live with any more. He hadn't realised that by giving her his heart he was dooming her to that broken doll's weird scheme, but he'd known it would have consequences. And if it was only him who'd ended up being hurt, he would have considered his current pain a worthy price to have been with her for a little while. 

Eri made a small noise and Lance quickly turned to grasp her hand. "Eri?" he said, softly. Was it wishful thinking, or were her eyelids flickering open?

"Mmm?" she said, more a breath than an attempt to speak. Red had said to be patient, when she woke. Patience wasn't Lance's strongest virtue, but he vowed to himself to try. 

"Thank God," he said, "It's me, I'm here. You're safe." He gently brushed his thumb over the back of her hand, feeling how cool her soft skin had become. He felt her forehead, and it was a little sweaty, but not fevered. 

And then she opened her eyes. "Hello Eri," said Lance, smiling at her with a lump in his throat. 

"Hello Lance," she said, muzzily, and he let out a sigh of relief. But then she looked around the room with bleary eyes and blinked at him with a confused expression. "Where's Red?"

* * *

"Good afternoon, Eri," said Red, then couldn't resist adding, "Do you remember who I am?"

According to Lance, she'd remembered his name before. She'd remembered his name, and asked for him specifically. Did that mean this was _his_ Eri, the one he'd woken with every morning for so long? The others thought so, they'd sent him in alone so she didn't get confused, though he could hear them muttering as they listened and watched from just outside the door. 

Eri looked up at him and he tried not to get his hopes up. All that mattered was helping her recover. All that mattered was that she was ok. 

"You're Red..." she said, slowly.

He laughed with relief and squeezed her hand. "Yes, I am! How do you feel?" he asked. "What do you remember?"

"My head hurts a little bit," she said, which meant it must be excruciating. "But I'll be ok. And...I remember who you are, and...I remember _lots_ of things. But...I can't remember what happened to me. I was...at the amusement park with...all of you. And then..." She winced and held her head. "I don't remember after that," she said. "Everything was...strange, and scary, and then...I woke up. But I feel like something very important happened. And I can't _remember_."

"You were kidnapped," said Red. How had she forgotten _that_? What else was missing? He forced himself to stay cheerful, at least on the surface. "And we all saved you. You're safe now. Some weird stuff happened...I can tell you all about it. But you're safe, heroine."

"Thank you," she said. "Thank you, Red. I'm glad you're here." She smiled at him, the smile he'd missed so much...but then she looked away. "I know you're my doll, and you've helped me with my memory before. But...um. Red. Are we...uh..." She blushed and her voice got soft. "What's our relationship?"

His heart twisted. She was confused. Maybe she had some memories of their relationship, or maybe she was remembering something else. Maybe she was remembering a whole bunch of something elses. A small, awful part of him wondered if she'd believe him if he just told her he was her boyfriend. But he couldn't do that to her, or the others. 

Before he had to try and come up with an answer she winced and put her hand to her head. "Ugh," she said. "It hurts when I try to remember."

"Then don't worry about it for now," he said. "Just rest. Though is it ok if everyone in comes in and says hi for a little bit? They've all been really worried."

"Yeah," she said with a smile, "I'll be fine."

He squeezed her hand, feeling how tiny it was in his own, and tried to convince himself that was true.


	2. Chapter 2

Eri's head hurt. 

She knew what that meant, now: her mind was rejecting a memory it couldn't handle, something she'd experienced in another world, in another life. Before, it had been a side effect of her memories of this world being erased (...somehow), and the pain had lessened as Red and the others helped her recall the memories she'd lost. 

Now her mind had to try to remember five worlds at once, five versions of the last nine months all mixing together in her head into a confusing and inconsistent mess. Any time she tried to straighten it all out her head hurt from the strain. 

But what hurt the worst was when she tried to remember...something else. Some _where_ else. She'd been in some place so strange that just thinking about it made her mind twist in knots. Something had happened in that place, something important, something _terrifying_ , and when she tried to remember what it was she was paralysed by pain. 

She'd been kidnapped by...someone. A boy. He'd had the ability to send her back in time and wipe her memory, so that she'd lived the same nine months over and over again without realising. After that he'd stolen her one last time for some dark purpose, and her dolls had saved her from him. They told her he was gone now, that she was safe. And when she asked, they would try to explain who he was, and what had happened, and then her head would hurt and the details would vanish from her mind as if she'd never known them. 

And so she stopped asking. It bothered her not to know how this had all happened, not to be able to piece together the fractured memories of a dusty room and a whispered voice. But she had enough to deal with in this world to spend too much energy worrying about any others. 

Because right now her main problem was that she remembered too much. She remembered performing in the school play, _and_ Lance taking over her part, _and_ skipping the play to watch Yuri's band. She remembered Red running away, and Yuri playing the drums, and Yeonho in the rain.

And remembered kissing Yeonho, and doing more a lot more than that with Lance. She remembered rejecting Tei to be with Yuri, and Yuri helping her realise she was in love with Tei. She remembered all of these things every time she met their eyes, and had to blush and look away. 

Did they remember these things, too? 

"You say you all came from different worlds," she said. "But this is...Red's world, that we're in now?"

"Yes," said Red. "Do you...wait, sorry, I know it hurts when we ask if you remember things. Is it ok if I explain how things were in this world?"

"Yes," she said. "I'll tell you if my head gets sore." 

Lance snorted. "No you won't," he said. "Not until it's unbearable." His complaint was tinged with affection and concern and she smiled at him. 

"I'll let you know if it gets really bad," she said. "I promise."

"Hmmph," he said, with a smile so small she was pretty sure only she could tell it was there. 

She looked back at Red and he was watching her and Lance with a strained smile. "So," he said, with false cheer. "This is the world I came from. You were having trouble with your memory, which is why there are notes everywhere reminding you of stuff."

"But I...got better?"

"Yeah!" said Red. "Twice! The second time was really fast, too. I just...uh..." He went a little pink, and Eri had a sudden memory of kissing him...in front of the whole school?! Could that really be right? Did she get her memory back with a kiss, like in some sort of fairy tale?! "I just... talked to you, haha," said Red, but he was definitely blushing. "I think the important thing was that you trusted me? Really, I don't know how it worked. But if you lose your memory again, I'll help you get it back, I promise."

"Ok," she said. "I trust you, Red." He looked jubilant, but the others looked a little sad. "I trust all of you to look after me," she said. "I have...memories of all sorts of things, but the one thing that never changes is that you are all always my family. And I'm so glad to have you with me."

"We're glad to have you with us too," said Tei. 

"I missed you so much, darling," said Yuri. He always called her things like that, but there was something about the way he said it...

"Um," she said. "Red telling me about his world didn't hurt my head too much. So can you all tell me about the worlds you came from? Everything's the same in my memories until you became human, but after that...Hmm. You always went to the academy, and Yuri got the limousine and..." She started listing things she felt sure of on her fingers. Once she got to the festival, she paused. "I know Red was in the play...but I think I was in the play too, sometimes? Urgh, ok, that's hurting my head."

"You were in the play with me in this world," said Red. "You were amazing!"

"She was in a play when she had amnesia?" said Lance. "Was that really a good idea?"

"Ugh, that's just what... _you_ said. But it helped her practice remembering things," said Red, defensively. 

"Hmmph," said Lance. 

"In my world I resigned from being a teacher at the festival," said Yuri. He looked at her significantly. And it _felt_ significant, even beyond it being a big change in Yuri's life. She tried to remember. He was up on stage, and he was talking about the school, and about...

It felt like her head was being zapped by lightning. She hissed and closed her eyes. 

"Stop pushing her to remember," said Lance. 

"But I _want_ to remember," said Eri. "I just...I need you all to explain things to me, without leaving parts out."

"That's easier said than done," said Tei. 

There was an awkward silence, as if they all knew something she didn't. And then Yeonho coughed and raised his voice. "We...we're all in love with you," he said, his voice a little shaky but loud and clear. The others made various sounds of surprise and disapproval, but none of them argued back.

 _All_ of them? But...it felt right, somehow. It explained why her heat beat so fast to be around them, why it beat and ached and felt lonely and confused.

"She asked us to be honest," said Yeonho. "And...that's what we all have in common. We're all from worlds...where we were the one you fell in love with. It..."

He said something then, something about pieces? And then she was curled forward in bed with Yeonho rubbing her back and apologising. "I'm sorry," he said, "I shouldn't have..."

"It's ok, Yeonho," she said. "I asked you to be honest."

"Let's forget _how_ we came here, alright?" said Tei. "It doesn't really matter. What matters is that we're all here now."

"And you're all..." She looked into Tei's eyes and she saw them tremble. They both had to look away. "That explains all my memories," she said. "It feels so strange, to have all of you here, and to remember..." She felt her face become warm. "Are you all going to stay?"

"Of course!" said Red. "We're your dolls! And your team! Unless you mean...is the...uh, magic going to take them back to their worlds?" She nodded. "I don't think so? I hope not."

"What happened to the other dolls from this world, then?"

"We don't know," said Yeonho. "They're...they're not in the dolls." He gestured to the dolls on her shelf. "I think those are our bodies now." He smiled weakly. "I'm sure they're all ok." Eri couldn't imagine how that could be true. 

"We should tell you about our worlds," said Tei with a gentle smile. Was he trying to distract her from worrying about the other dolls, the ones who were probably gone forever? Whatever world he was from, Tei was always so kind.

"It's funny," said Yeonho, with a weak laugh. "You said I always read tarot cards at the festival. I thought...I thought I was only brave enough to do that because you encouraged me. So...I don't know how different things really were in my world."

"Heroine did encourage you," said Red. "Even when she forgot about the festival, every time you reminded her, she encouraged you, and said you'd do a great job. I bet she did the same in all the worlds." 

Red and Yeonho both looked at her and she nodded her head, self conscious. She did remember that, now that he said it. "I'm very proud of you, Yeonho," she said. "You've grown up so much. You didn't need me to..."

"Yes I did," said Yeonho, his expression serious and intense. "Eri, I..." He closed his eyes. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't..." He sighed. "Thank you. For always supporting me." He took a deep breath. "Um. Ok, what happened over the last few months...I..." He stopped and wiped his eyes.

"Yeonho," she said, "You don't have to tell me if it's too painful."

"Yes I do," he said. "I want to tell you. I want...I want you to remember."

"Ok," she said. 

"It sounds like we were always friends," he said. "I'm glad. But in my world we...we became very close friends. I don't know if...um. And we went to the amusement park together- not at Christmas, before that." She had a sudden memory of Yeonho on the merry-go-round, eyes wide. And then of feeling guilty for some reason... "And then...then we became closer, and I..." He hiccuped. "I took you to the amusement park again, and asked you to become my girlfriend. You said yes, and then..." His voice became soft. "Then you were gone." 

"Yeonho..." She wanted to pull him close and hug him, but had a feeling that would just make things more strange.

"It's not very interesting, when you say it like that, is it?" said Yeonho. "The others are all much more exciting, haha. I probably didn't need to tell you at all..."

"I'm glad you told me," she said. "I remember...I remember things a little better now. And...I want to know everything. It's all important. Thank you."

He nodded. "Someone else should probably talk now," he said, in a small voice. 

"My story's pretty embarrassing," said Red. "I was a real...a real jerk. Not like you, Yeonho."

"Oh, I was a jerk too," said Yeonho, laughing awkwardly. "I got...a bit...strange. I felt embarrassed to talk about it, that's all."

"I bet you didn't run away from home, though, right?"

"No," said Yeonho in surprise. "Red, you ran away from home?"

Red nodded with an embarrassed expression. "Yeah," he said, "I got _really_ jealous. Uh, but I should probably start from the beginning. Um. Wow, this is really embarrassing now that I think about it." He scratched his cheek. "So, uh. Heroine. Like with Yeonho, you and I started becoming closer friends. And we didn't realise it yet, but your memory started getting weird, and some stuff happened..."

"Some stuff?" repeated Lance in annoyance.

"Yeah, um. There was a misunderstanding, and I thought Eri was interested in, um, Tei." Tei looked at Red in surprise, and Red smiled awkwardly at Eri. "Which...I don't know, you said you weren't, but then it looked like you were, and _he_ thought you were and got a bit weird...Anyway, eventually I got so upset I ran away." Red balled his hands into fists. "I was so _stupid_. Your memory had gotten really bad then, which is why things got so messed up, and I wasn't there to look after you." Red stepped forward and grabbed Eri's hand. "I promise I won't do that again. No matter what happens next, whoever...whatever you choose, I'll always be by your side." 

"Red..." she said. "Thank you. I'm sorry I hurt you before."

He shook his head. "It wasn't your fault. Anyway...I should tell you the rest. Uh...oh! I took you to the amusement park too! But then some girls got angry...actually no, that was before that? Haha, now _I_ can't remember anything. There were definitely some jealous girls. They got really mean, but Tei took care of it."

"What did he do?" asked Yuri sharply. 

"I don't know," said Red. "Got them to change schools, I guess? They stopped showing up at the academy." Yuri's eyes widened. "They were _really_ mean though. They locked Eri in a storage room!" 

"Wow," said Yeonho. "Some girls got a bit jealous when Eri and I started spending more time together, but nothing like that."

"My Eri had a scar on her knee," said Tei, softly. "From where my _fans_ made her fall." Eri remembered that. Was the scar gone now, in this world?

"I didn't let anything like that happen to _my_ Eri," sniffed Yuri. 

"You're a teacher," said Lance. "If anyone had noticed your relationship with her, you'd have been _arrested_."

"What happened after you ran away from home, Red?" said Tei. 

"Eri went out one night to find me...I don't know how she did it, but she got really close to where I was staying. And then some creeps started bothering her, and I just _knew_ I had to save her. It turns out I do have a special power after all!" He smiled. "And then I took Eri home...her memory was really bad by then, I should never have...Anyway, that's when I put up all these notes and stuff." He squeezed Eri's hand, and she felt butterflies. "I took you to the amusement park again, and your memory came back, and we did the school play..." He looked away and his voice got very fast. "And then we, uh, started dating, and when I took you to the amusement park at Christmas, you vanished, and everyone else turned back into dolls." His expression wavered for a moment, but then he smiled. "And then you all came back! And then..." 

"Nothing remarkable happened in my world," interrupted Lance, before Red could bring up topics that would make Eri's head hurt. His voice was clipped and unemotional but Eri could tell he was feeling unsteady. "Eri and I became closer. She joined the school play, but I...I took over her role at the festival. Shortly after that, we entered a romantic relationship. I took her to the amusement park for Christmas." He paused and took a breath, and the slight tremble in his voice made Eri's heart melt. "And then she vanished."

Red burst into laughter and Lance looked at him in outraged shock.

"Sorry," said Red. "It's just...you said you took over Eri's role in the play. In my world, Eri played the heroine, and she wore a pretty princess dress."

"Yes," said Lance, flatly. 

"You kissed him!" said Eri, in surprise, as she suddenly remembered. 

"What?!" said Red. "Lance, you kissed _me_? I thought you said you were in a relationship with _Eri_!"

"I was," said Lance. "I did not kiss you for pleasure. I was protecting her from being coerced into something inappropriate."

"You mean, kissing me?" said Red, angrily. "Maybe she wanted to! God, I wondered why you were so weird about the play's ending...you were jealous!"

"I cannot speak for the motivations of the Lance from your world," said Lance. "But considering the memory problems the Eri of your world was experiencing, perhaps he felt it inappropriate for..."

"Inappropriate! Yeah, he liked that word a lot. I guess a silver haired jerk is always a..."

"Boys," said Yuri, sharply. "Must you engage in childish bickering? The play is over, and we have more important things to worry about." Red and Lance sullenly went silent as Yuri stepped closer to Eri and smiled down at her. 

"My honey," he said. "In my world, I am happy to say that you never wasted your time on that silly play. Instead, we became close, and exchanged gifts...I will always think of you when I smell that certain tea, our Secret Garden." She remembered what that had meant to them both, and blushed. Yuri's smile became a little brighter. "You became more beautiful for me, and I..." He looked away. "I was more cowardly than I would like to admit. I hurt you with my neglect. But for some reason, you forgave me." He reached for her hand, and kissed it. "When I asked you to become my girlfriend, you said yes. And then...you said yes again when I asked you to become my wife."

"It was snowing..." she said. She looked up at her hand in his. "Oh, Yuri, I lost the ring."

"Eri," he said softly, "You remember..."

The room went quiet. Eventually the silence was broken by Yeonho's slightly desperate sounding laugh. "So, um, Tei. You're the only one left!"

Tei looked up from staring at Eri's hands, and gave Yeonho a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "Yes, it's important I not be the one left out, isn't it?" He looked out the window and rubbed his chin. "It sounds like...Eri was more troubled in my world." His voice was a little shaky. "She had bad dreams, and couldn't sleep very well. She had memory problems, too, though not as bad as with Red." Yes, Eri remembered that now. Tei frowned. "The other girls at the academy...they threatened to hurt her if she became too close to me. So I tried...I tried to avoid being close to her, but..." He looked at her and their eyes met and she had a memory of him bringing her tea every night, the soothing scent helping her sleep despite all her worries. She also had a memory of him dating _Soi_ , but that couldn't be right. It must be from a different world. She decided not to bring it up, it would just make this Tei feel awkward. Because there was no doubting that this Tei had eyes only for her. He smiled gently at her and her heat beat a little faster. "But I couldn't stay away." 

"I thought you said that I was the one who got you two together," said Yuri. "As hard as I find it to believe." 

"You may have helped a little," said Tei. "As I believe you said that I helped you in your world."

"Are you memories clearer now?" asked Yeonho.

"Yes," said Eri. "I still feel a bit confused but...everything you said was familiar, and my memories make sense now." They made sense, but the picture they painted was...a mess. She frowned, tying to figure out how to untangle it all. 

"You should rest some more," said Tei, seeing her frown. 

"Eri..." said Red. "When you say you remember...you remember _everything_ we all talked about?"

"Yes," she said, unable to meet his eyes. 

"So you..." He took a deep breath. "So how do you feel? About us?"

"Red," snapped Lance. "She was unconscious less than an hour ago and you're interrogating her already?"

"It's ok," said Eri. "I...I know this must be so hard for you. For all of you. And I..." She looked at her hand in Yuri's, still remembering how it had looked with the ring. "My feelings are still very confused right now. I feel a lot of things. But you're all still my dolls, my family. I want to do everything I can to make you all happy." 

She looked up at Red. He was staring at her with tears in his eyes, attempting to smile. "I understand," he said. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have...I...I...I'm sorry!" He wiped his eyes and strode towards the door. 

"Red!" Eri called after him, but he didn't stop.

"I'll talk to him," said Yeonho, stepping towards the door. He gave Eri a small smile before turning to follow Red. "He'll be ok." 

Lance let out a deep sigh, sounding as exhausted by this all as Eri felt. 

Because her feelings weren't confused at all. She was entirely certain that she loved them all. And there was no doubting now that they all loved her too. Her head hurt when she tried too hard to poke at the details but...that much was clear. So what was she going to do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't figure out a consistent explanation for how Eri's memory came and went, so just wrote something convenient to my plot (which afaict is the same approach they took in canon ;))


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is going slowly, turns out writing six relationships at once without repeating myself too much is a bit of a challenge! BUT I WILL PREVAIL.

"Eri," said Yuri, still holding her hand. "I realise you need to rest, but...may I speak to you alone for a moment?"

"Can't it wait?" said Lance.

"No," said Yuri, seriously. 

"It's ok, Lance," said Eri, "I need to talk to Yuri about something too." 

"Tch. Fine, then," said Lance. "But..." He glared at Yuri and then sighed and shook his head. "Never mind. It's not any of my business, is it?" He looked as sad as Red had, in his way, and Eri felt awful as she watched him turn and leave. 

"I suppose I'll leave you two to it," said Tei, with a gentle smile. 

"You can listen at the door, if you want," said Yuri. "It's about you, after all."

Tei stared at Yuri then, his eyes briefly wide with fear and anger before going blank and hard to read. What was going on?

"Maybe I should stay, then," said Tei.

"No, I think not," said Yuri, eyes narrowed. And then his expression softened a little. "Tei," he said. "You said you trusted me to help you."

"I did, didn't I?" said Tei. He closed his eyes and sighed. "Fine. But I won't be far."

He left and closed the door behind him. Was he really going to sit and listen? What was Yuri going to say?

She was distracted from these thoughts by Yuri squeezing her hand. 

"My darling," he said, softly. "May I embrace you?"

"Ye," she said. He sat down on the bed next to her and pulled her into his arms and she let out a long breath. His arms felt as warm and comforting as she remembered.

"I've missed you so much," breathed Yuri, his voice weak. "Nothing was any fun with you gone."

"I'm sorry," said Eri.

"Just don't vanish again, ok?" 

She nodded against his chest. "I'll do my best."

* * *

Yuri wanted to kiss her so badly. But even just to hold her in his arms was...he felt human again. 

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"I'm fine," she said. "A little headachey, but I think my brain is getting used to having all these memories inside it. Things are feeling a little clearer." 

"I'm glad. Do you..."

_Do you still love me?_

"I'm sorry," she said. "About...the ring, and....I know I made promises to you, and I can't keep them." 

"You want to break off the engagement." He knew it was the wrong thing to say, knew he should be more supportive and understanding, but all he could think was that he was losing her again.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I still care about you, but it's just so confusing right now, and it wouldn't be right..."

"I understand," he said, proud of himself for not bursting into tears and demanding she stay with him and him alone. "If you ever change your mind, I'll get you an even prettier ring." 

"I liked the one I had," she said, with a sad smile. She rubbed her ring finger with her other hand and blinked back tears. It struck Yuri for the first time how lonely she must feel. She loved them all, but could be with none of them. And her kind heart must ache to know she was causing them pain.

"Eri," he said, "I am still yours. And I am still happy to be with you, as a friend, and as your doll. We will find a way through this, the six of us. As long as we have you, that's all that matters." 

"Thank you," she said. "I'm so glad you're with me."

They sat in silence for a little while.

"Yuri," she said. "You said...you had something to say about Tei? What's going on?"

"Right," said Yuri. Ugh. He'd much rather sit here and whisper sweet nothings to his beloved, but this needed to be dealt with. "Eri. I hate to ask, but do you remember what Tei was like when you were together? He told me a little about it. About how he...isn't safe." 

Eri's eyes widened. "Not safe?" she said. Did she not remember, then? That would make things difficult. She shook her head. "Yuri, I don't know what he told you. And I don't remember everything. But I remember feeling safe with him. He...he has a darkness within him, but I trust him not to hurt me." 

She sounded so sure. Not because she didn't remember, but because she forgave him. Because she loved him. 

"Well, _I_ don't trust him," said Yuri, "And he doesn't trust himself. He asked me to make sure he's not alone with you. You should make sure to avoid being alone with him, too."

"Yuri!" said Eri. "I can't do that! I appreciate that you're trying to take care of me, but..."

There was a knock at the door. 

Yuri got up and opened the door to reveal a thin lipped Tei. He gave Yuri a sad look and Yuri felt a little sorry for him.

"Can you convince our owner to be less trusting?" said Yuri. He turned back to Eri. "It's charming how innocent and soft-hearted you are, my honey, but if you are so insistent on trusting this two-faced pervert, then you should trust him when he says to be wary."

"Tei," said Eri. "I do trust you. I know that you are kind, and want to take care of me." She smiled at Tei with an affection that made Yuri's heart ache.

"Oh my honey," said Yuri. "You are...so much kinder than any of us deserve. Especially him." He sat back down next to Eri, wanting to bundle her up in his arms away from this awful man. 

"Eri..." said Tei. His voice got very soft. "Of course I want to take care of you. But at least for now...can't you make it easier for me to do that? It was such a shock when you disappeared, and..." He looked away. "Even seeing you sitting next to Yuri like that, I...I can barely stand it. And if I ever slip, and hurt you, it would destroy me." Tei's voice shook with self loathing, but Yuri's opinion of him had actualy gone up a little, seeing him actually be honest with her for a change. 

"Tei..." said Eri. "I'm so sorry."

"Eri," said Yuri, putting his hand on her shoulder. "You shouldn't apologise to _him_. He wants to hurt you! Even if he's trying not to, you deserve better than that, my darling."

Eri just shook her head. 

"He's right," said Tei. "You deserve so much better. You deserve everything."

Eri sniffed and wiped her eyes. "I don't want you to feel like a monster, Tei," she said. "You're so much better than you think you are."

"Hey," said Tei, leaning down to wipe her eyes. "Don't cry for me. I'll be ok. What harm will it do to be careful?"

"But..." sniffed Eri.

"It will put my heart at ease," said Tei, in that paternalistic tone that made even Yuri feel small, and he'd never _had_ a father. "Can you do me this favour, for my sake?" Even when he was being honest, it seemed Tei still defaulted to his old manipulative ways. But if it kept Eri safe, Yuri didn't mind for once. 

Eri nodded at last. "But not forever, ok? Just while we're all getting used to things being like...this."

Tei smiled and ruffled her hair. "Ok," he said, affectionately. 

Tei's face was very close, and Yuri could see the glints of gold in his eyes, the way his expression softened when he looked at Eri with a smile. And then he turned to smile at Yuri. "Thank you," he said. "I couldn't do this without you."

It really was a very effective smile, the sort that made you feel all warm and appreciated. Pity about the man it was attached to. "I'm not doing this for you," said Yuri.

"I know," said Tei.

* * *

Eri's mind was filled with memories of love for five different men from five different worlds. But in this world her diary spoke only of Red. She flipped back through the old entries and read the familiar words about her worries for the play, and her excitement about their first date. The memories felt fresh: unlike so many others, they had never been destroyed, and only few days had passed since the last entries were written. But she still felt like she wasn't quite the same person as the girl who wrote those words. That girl's memories were here in her head, but so were many more, and it felt like the Eri of two days ago was a part of who she was now, but not the whole. 

There was a knock at the door. "Come in!" she said. For a moment she wondered if it would be Tei, come in with a cup of tea to talk to her alone. What woud she do if it was? She'd promised to try and avoid being alone with him, but could she really kick him out if he came to see her? Would he even listen to her if she tried?

But it wasn't Tei. Yeonho and Red stood at her bedroom door. 

"Sorry about that before," said Red with a bashful smile. "I'm ok now. And I'm going to stay by your side no matter what. So don't worry if you're feeling confused, or if you...don't worry about anything, alright?"

"Alright," she said, glad to see him looking more cheerful again.

"I know you said your memory's back, but...I'm still worried it might go away again. That happened before..."

"I remember," said Eri, and then she laughed, though it wasn't a happy memory. "It's a little strange to remember forgetting. I'm worried it will happen again, too..."

"I'm sure it won't!" said Red, quickly. "I just..."

"Would it be alright if I stayed here overnight, just in case?" said Yeonho. 

"Of course," said Eri, a little surprised that it was Yeonho and not Red. 

"Everyone else was more comfortable with Yeonho," muttered Red. "Though you could have told them I was always a perfect gentleman."

Poor Red. She could just imagine Lance's expression at the idea of him spending the night in Eri's room. 

"I'm sure you'd both be perfect gentlemen," said Eri. "And I appreciate you being so worried about me."

They gave her cute matching smiles. 

Red led Yeonho into the room, and pulled out the bedding he'd stored by her bed. "You might actually fit comfortably, Yeonho," he said. "I was always a bit too tall."

"Thanks, Red," said Yeonho. "Good night."

"Uh," said Red, looking at the two of them for a moment. "Yeah, good night! See you tomorrow!"

"Goodnight, Red," said Eri. Impulsively, she stepped forward and gave him a hug. "I'll see you tomorrow." 

He sighed against her. "And every day after that," he said.

"Yeah," she said.

He slowly let her go and waved good night again to them both, and then left. 

Yeonho did indeed fit better in the gap by Eri's bed than Red had. Seeing him there was a strange mixture of familiar and strange. 

"Thanks for looking after Red," she said. 

Yeonho shrugged and looked away. "I understand how he feels," he said. 

"Are you comfortable?" she asked. Eri thought about offering to let him sleep in the bed with her, but that seemed likely to cause more trouble than it was worth. She settled for offering him another pillow, but he just shook his head.

"I'm here, protecting you," he said. "Which makes me the most comfortable man in the house." He rested his chin on his arm on the edge of the bed and smiled at her. She ran her hands over his head and he closed his eyes. "I missed your touch," he said, softly. 

She'd always felt unselfconscious touching Yeonho, even when she was dating someone else. Yet there was an awkwardness now, an awareness of their unstated mutual attraction. She refused to let that stop them from touching at all, not when it was such a comfort to them both. But the comfort she felt now, as his soft hair flowed between her fingers, was bittersweet.

Yeonho moved his free hand on top of hers. Did he want her to stop?

Then he gently brought her hand to his lips, and kissed it. He opened his eyes and looked at her over their intertwined fingers and she felt her heart beat faster. The others evidently still thought of Yeonho as a boy, too shy and passive to be a real romantic threat. But Eri knew better. 

"Eri," he said. "I know I should let you sleep..." He blushed and tilted his head so he wasn't looking her in the eye any more. "But I'm going to be really selfish, because if I don't say something I'm going to regret it." 

Her heat beat faster still.

"You said before...that we're all your family."

"Yes," she said. 

"But do you remember...You told me you wanted the two of us to be something better than just family. Something special."

"I remember," she said. She remembered the golden light of the sun glinting in his hair as he accepted her feelings. As she vowed to herself to always stand by him, and help carry his pain. 

"Eri...is that still true?"

_Yes_.

It seemed so simple. Just say yes. He loved her, and she loved him. She loved him so much. It ate away at her to see him doubt himself, and what they'd been to each other. He'd barely begun to overcome the pain of being abandoned by his first owner, and now here was Eri abandoning him again. Yeonho had always been willing to give everything to Eri, he was so kind and thoughtful and beautiful. And he needed her. 

"Yeonho," she said, "I..." Yeoho's beloved face was in front of her. But in her mind she could see Lance, and Red, and Yuri and Tei. And they all needed her too. 

Even if she did choose one of them to be with, that wouldn't make her feelings change. Would she have to lie about her feelings to her boyfriend, then? Or would she be honest about loving the others? Either way it seemed likely that he would end up eaten away with doubt, knowing what she had been to the others. 

And if she was to choose, who would it be?

What did she want? 

A lump formed in her throat and she couldn't speak. 

"Is it that you don't love me any more?" he asked, in a small voice.

She shook her head, and felt tears fall onto her cheeks.

"So is it that you love the others more? I'll understand if..."

She shook her head harder, and began to sob. 

"Oh, no," he said. "I made you cry. I...I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said anything!" He stood up, and pulled her into his arms. "I have all these feelings, and I don't know what to do. But if you want me to be your family, then that's what I am."

She leaned against his warm chest, and let his arms enfold her. 

"Thank you," she said. "You're always so kind. And you will always be special to me."

He let out a long, sad sigh. "Thank you, Eri," he said. He kissed her on the top of her head. "Go to sleep. I'll stay by your side."


	4. Chapter 4

Any sore feelings on Yeonho's part the next morning were overwhelmed by his joy that she remembered who he was at all. He skipped down the stairs and Eri cheerfully followed, feeling more hopeful about things in the light of a new day. 

Tei had cooked up a huge breakfast, with eggs and bacon and pancakes and side dishes. As Eri sat down, Tei put a plate in front of her filled to the brim with more food than she could possibly eat, only for Yeonho to bounce up to the stove to start frying a rabbit shapped egg.

She laughed. "I can't eat all this!" she said. "But thank you, it all looks delicious."

She decided to stop worrying about what would happen next and just let herself enjoy the food, and the company. Every now and then she'd catch one of the boys looking at her, all of them seeming to need reassurance that she was still here, that she was still safe. How awful it must have been for them all, not knowing where she'd gone, without even the other dolls for company. But they were still the same as she remembered, still laughing and chatting and teasing each other over the table. Still her family. 

Eventually she ate her fill and pushed the plate away from herself with a decisive motion. "Tei," she said. "That was delicious, but I think you cooked enough for all five versions of me."

He laughed. "Well I had to make sure all five versions of you were fed."

"I only have one stomach!" she said, patting it carefully. It complained at her slightly. She might have eaten a little too much. 

"If you're full..." he said, his tone a little less sunny.

"I am definitey full."

He smiled at her brightly, but she got the vague sense he was nervous. "I...Yuri and I would like to talk to you, if you have time. Alone, if that's not too much trouble."

Yuri raised an eyebrow at Tei: Clearly he had not been consulted about this. What did Tei want to talk to her about? Well, there was only one way to find out. She nodded. 

Tei's eyes twinkled cheerfully. "Is everyone done with breakfast then?"

"Wait," said Lance. "Both of you? What are you planning?"

"What three consenting adults get up to alone is none of your business," said Yuri, with a smile that didn't reach his eyes. 

" _What_ ," said Lance. He turned to Eri. "You're okay with this?"

"We're just going to talk, Lance," said Eri. "Yuri's just..." She gave Yuri an exasperated look. "Don't make those sorts of jokes."

"Who said I was joking?" said Yuri. He _was_ joking, right? "If you just want to talk, my honey, then we'll just talk. But it's not any of that boy's business either way."

"I'm done with breakfast," said Lance. He stiffly put his dirty dishes in the sink. "I'm going to my room." He was trying to hide his emotions, but she could tell he was near breaking point. 

"Lance!" Eri stood and looked towards Lance's retreating back with concern. "I'm sorry," she said. "I need to take care of him."

Tei nodded. "We'll be waiting in the library."

"No," said Yuri. "In her room."

That was an odd choice, but she was too focussed on Lance to worry about it. 

She found Lance in his room, his whole body tense. When she opened the door he looked across at her with a pained expression. She shut the door behind her and sighed.

"Lance," she said, not sure what she could say next to make things better.

Her memories were still bit confused, but one pattern repeated in every world: when she got to know her dolls' secret hearts, in every case those hearts beat only for her. She understood now how much power an owner had over their dolls, and a first owner most of all. Tei and Yeonho's first owners had left emotional scars that ran as deep as the ones her parents had left on her own heart, and they had started out with more of a strong sense of self than the doll-maker had thought to give Lance. Eri had, in a sense, _created_ Lance, with her needs and her desires. 

It made her feel an overpowering mixture of shame, and guilt, and responsibility. She had made him, had promised to love only him, and then she had let others into her heart. He must feel like he'd been replaced. 

"Last night Tei told us we should give you _space_..." muttered Lance. "Like a fool I thought he was being considerate of your feelings, but he just wanted to beat us to you."

"Lance," said Eri. "You _know_ Tei. He's not your enemy."

"But he is my rival," said Lance. "I'm used to being worried about Red, but now I have to worry about all four of them!" His eyes narrowed. "Even Yeonho...did he try something last night? The others are all too quick to believe his innocent act."

Eri blushed. "He was a gentleman," she said. 

"Tch," said Lance. He laughed mirthessly. "To think I went to so much trouble to protect you from merely _kissing_ Red, and now...I'm sure that monkey has touched every inch of you. Not to mention that perverted teacher. And you have memories with them, things I have never seen and can never know. I somehow thought I was _special_ , the only one to win your heart, but it was just an illusion borne of ignorance."

She thought about telling Lance that she and Red hadn't actually done the things he seemed to be assuming, but was pretty sure he wouldn't feel better to know she'd "only" been with Tei and Yuri. What kind of girl was she, to have been with three men by the age of seventeen?

But that wasn't what he was really upset about. 

"You are special, Lance," said Eri. "You're still my first doll. You're still the one who stood by me when my grandpa died, the kind heart that accepted me and the world I showed to you. Nothing can change that. I do have...have memories you haven't seen. But there are memories only we know, as well. Only we remember the world we came from."

"But that world is gone now. This is Red's world."

"Then doesn't that make our memories more precious? We're the only two people in the _whole world_ who remember the world where I was born."

That got his attention. "What do you mean?"

"I...I can't be sure," she said. She'd been trying to sort through her memories last night, and while some patterns had emerged, when she pushed too hard it all got too painful. "But when I look back through my memories, some of them feel older than the others. And the ones with you...they seem to be the oldest. I think...I think you were the first." The moment she said it, she felt sure it was right. After all, who else could it be? "The world where I fell in love with you...that's the world I was born in, before everything else went strange."

"I really was the first?" he said.

"Yes." She couldn't offer him much, but she could offer him this. 

"I'm...I'm glad. But...you only fell in love with me once. In all the other worlds, you chose someone else."

"But you were always with me. I'd been changed by you, even if I couldn't remember it."

"You think it changed you?" he said. "Every time you relived the past? But...I suppose you must have. Otherwise you'd have made the same decisions every time."

"Oh, that makes sense," said Eri. Lance was so clever. "And I don't feel like exactly the same person I was at the beggining." 

"You do seem a little different..." said Lance. Then he laughed, but not as darkly as before. "Of course, in that case you've left me behind in a another way."

"What do you mean?"

"You still look the same as I remember. But if you were changed by all those months you lived through over and over again then...when you add it all up, you must be twenty by now."

" _What_?!"said Eri, "Twenty?? I don't feel twenty! I feel seventeen! I haven't even finished my first year of highschool!"

"You certainly act like a teenager," said Lance, making it sound like way more of an insult than it should have been from someone in the same class as her. "On second thought...I suppose it's not like you lived through three years in a normal way. Maybe you're not that much older, in effect. But...you still lived through three years without me. You're not the Eri I knew any more."

Perhaps she wasn't. "You could get to know me," she said. 

He looked into her eyes, and she could see the sadness and fear he was trying to hide. "Alright," he said at last, softly. "I'll get to know you, the you you are now." 

She smiled at him, feeling relieved, but he still looked sad. "Lance?"

"I will always be yours, whatever happens. But I hate that I don't have _time_ to get to know you, to win you over, because...how can I compete with all of them? You say you feel confused, but is that just an excuse? If you're going to pick one of the others, can you tell me now? I won't be angry. But not knowing...it's killing me."

"I...I don't know," she said. "Honestly...I wish I could tell you. I don't know what to do. Whatever I decide it's going to make so many of you unhappy."

"Of course that's what's stopping you," he muttered. "Then do you at least know what you want?"

She shook her head. "I just want everyone to be happy, and that's impossible."

"But what do you want for _yourself_? That's what really matters."

"That is what I want for myself!"

"So, when I was the only one...you just dated me to make me happy?"

"Of course not. I love you!"

He stared at her. Oh no, she shouldn't have....he stepped forward and pulled her close, and then his lips were on hers and he was kissing her and she thought her heart would break. 

"You idiot," he said, his voice hoarse in her ear. "Why did you pretend you weren't sure? Do you know how worried I was?"

"Lance," she said, "it's not as simple as that." 

"Why not?" 

"Because..." She could see no way forward from here but with the truth. "Because I love the others too."

His voice went very soft. "More than me?"

"No. But not less, either." 

"Oh." He was silent for a while, just holding her. Then he took a deep breath, and put on his self confident Discipline Committee voice. "Then if it's all the same to you, you should date me, since I asked first."

She felt her cheeks go warm, not wanting to lie but also not wanting to be unfair. "Um...but then Yeonho..."

"That little...you said he was a gentleman!"

"He was!" said Eri. "He asked very nicely!"

"Argh!" Lance stepped back and threw his hands in the air in frustration. "So you're just going to say no to all of us? How is that better than choosing one of us?"

"It's not," she said. "But...I don't want to choose unless I'm sure." 

He glared at her and then rubbed his face and gave a long sigh. "That's probably the right thing to do," he muttered. "Even if I hate it. But...just promise me you'll say no to whatever perverted thing Yuri has in mind."

"He's not as perverted as you think, you know," said Eri. Yuri wasn't even the one who was really going to be talking to her, but there was no good way to explain the situation with Tei so Lance would understand. Unconvinced by her vague reassurance, Lance glared at her. "Ok," she said. "I'll say no to anything perverted if Yuri asks. But he won't!"

"Hmmph," said Lance.

"Are you still angry at me?"

"I was never really angry at _you_ ," he said. "You've suffered the most of all of us, and none of this is your fault. I'm angry at...God, or whoever created this mess. But I'll try harder not to take my frustration out on you." 

"Or the others, this isn't their fault either." 

"I make no promises!" said Lance. "The only one I really care about is you. But if it's what you want I'll do my best."

"Thank you," she said. She smiled at him, and this time he smiled back. 

"If you're going to stand there looking so beautiful," he said, "You should go before I kiss you again."

"That would be a bad idea," she said.

"That's why I warned you," said Lance. He stepped closer and gave her the sexy glare nobody ever saw but her. "But if you don't listen to my warning I cannot be held responsible for the consequences."

She giggled. It was nice to have Lance feel able to tease her again. "Then I'll go. But Lance, if you ever need me, I'm here."

"I know," he said. "And I am here for you. Whatever happens, I will always be your doll."

She nodded. "And I will always be your owner."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm using [Korean age conventions](https://www.koreanclass101.com/korean-age/), Eri would be 16 by International conventions.


	5. Chapter 5

As a teacher, Yuri had to admit that Red had done a pretty good job with Eri's noticeboard. All the important information she needed to know was laid out in neat notes in a nice, easy to see place. He hadn't thought the cherry boy had it in him to be this responsible. It was galling, he'd always thought of himself as the mature, responsible one, but all of the boys had shown themselves to be surprisingly good at taking care of Eri, in their way. 

All except the one he was stuck babysitting, who'd turned out to be even worse than Yuri's already low expectations. 

Tei sat himself on the edge of Eri's bed, like he had any right to be there, and gave Yuri a prim, disapproving glare. "Now they all think we're doing something perverted." 

"Would you rather they guessed the truth?" said Yuri. He still wasn't sure he should keep Tei's nature to himself, not when Eri's safety was on the line. But who would believe him? And what good would it do, if Eri was so determined to stay by Tei's side?

Other than the noticeboard, and the pile of pillows by the bed, Eri's room looked much the same as he remembered. Yuri picked up the chair by the desk and turned it around to face the bed. It was way too small for him, and he had to stretch out his legs in front of him. He felt very ungainly compared to Tei's air of comfortable grace.

"So what are you going to say to her?" said Yuri, trying to find an elegant way to cross his legs. 

"To be honest I don't know," said Tei. "I just had to see her." 

"Honesty from you," said Yuri, giving up and settling for crossing his ankles. "That would be a first." Yuri wanted to see her too, of course he did, but everything was still so fresh and painful, he wasn't sure what he would say. So instead he got to tag along while Tei plied his slimy wares. Fun fun. 

Tei ignored the dig. "Why did you want to meet here?"

"So I can hurt you via your doll if you get out of line," said Yuri. "It seemed safer. Though there's a certain appeal to the idea of punching that smug grin off your face directly." 

"You're not going to make this easy for me, are you?" said Tei.

"Need I remind you why I'm here? I'm your parole officer, Mr Would-be-rapist, not your-"

"Shh. Someone's coming."

"Well maybe they should hear!"

The look Tei shot him was pure poison. _Heh,_ thought Yuri. _You can hide your true nature from everyone else, Prince Sunshine, but you can't hide it from me._

There was a knock on the door, and a familiar voice that made Yuri's heart ache. "It's me." 

"It's your room, my honey," said Yuri. She opened the door and smiled at him, then turned to smile at Tei. Then she closed the door behind her and went to sit on the bed next to Tei. It wasn't like there was anywhere else she could sit, but Yuri still didn't like it. Maybe meeting here had been a bad idea. 

"How's Lance?" asked Tei, like he cared.

Eri sighed, because she actually did. "He's ok. I'm, um, not sure he'd want me to talk about it."

"Of course," said Tei. He put his hand on hers, like he was being supportive and not desperate for any excuse to touch her. 

"Don't get too handsy," said Yuri. "Remember that I'm watching."

"I remember," said Tei, with a gentle, hateful smile. 

"Yuri, we're just holding hands," said Eri.

"That's how it starts," muttered Yuri, feeling very hard done by. Even if Tei didn't do anything inappropriate, watching the two of them like this was excruciating. And here he was, making this sacrifice for his darling, and she didn't even appreciate it! 

Eri smiled at Tei affectionately. "What did you want to speak to me about?"

"I just wanted to see you," he said, voice low and passionate. He started whispering things to her, blah blah I love you, been so lonely without you, blah blah. Yuri started clicking one of Eri's pens in boredom until Tei cleared his throat significantly. Ugh.

Yuri stood and went to stare at the dolls, as Eri and Tei started to reminisce about something to do with that damn cafe. Yuri's doll looked the same as always, but it was strange to think some other Yuri's soul had been in there until a few days ago. Yuri was inclined to avoid thinking about the fact that _that_ was his true body, not the big lump of flesh and blood currently housing his consciousness. And there was Tei's doll, with it's sad little eyes and its stupid floppy hair. Yuri usually didn't like the idea of touching the other boys' dolls, it felt too intimate. But there was some appeal to picking up Tei's, just to see the look on his face. And he hadn't been kidding about using it to hurt Tei if he had to. 

Just as he was thinking about the possibilities, he heard Eri gasp, and quickly turned around. "What did he do?" Should he grab Tei's doll after all?

"Nothing," said Eri, but she was a little pink. "Tei was just straightening my collar."

" _Tei_ ," said Yuri. 

"Her collar was crooked," said Tei, with a bland, empty smile. Eri was wearing a V-necked shirt with little frilly decorations down the front, it wouldn't be difficult to cop a feel while "straightening" them. 

"Oh my God," said Yuri. "If you're going to hit on her, hit on her, but have the balls to own up to it."

"So you consider it cowardice to give her space when she's still recovering from memory loss and trauma?"

"No," said Yuri. "I just think it's cowardice to lie about it. You don't see me saying anything, though I love her as much as you do, and seeing the two of you together turns my stomach. But if I was going to, I would..." This was awful. He stood up, sick of making himself small. Eri looked up at him, concerned. He thought about all the things he wanted to say to her, the things he was being forced to hear Tei say instead. Why was he letting himself be made second fiddle? If he didn't say something now, Tei was going to weasel his way into her heart. Yuri strode over the the bed and then knelt down in front of Eri. He didn't mind making himself smaller for her. "Eri. I love you. You love me. Forget about this creep, and those silly boys. None of them will ever make you happy the way I can."

Eri gasped and stared at him, which at least wasn't a no.

Tei gave a disgusted sigh. "I don't know why I expected any better from you, Yuri, but I did."

"I don't care what _you_ think. What do you say, my darling?" He took her hand, and kissed it. 

"Yuri...I can't..." But she looked torn, as if she wanted to say yes, but wasn't letting herself. 

He put his hand on her cheek. It was so warm. "Why not? Are you worried about hurting their feelings? What about _my_ feelings? I can hardly breathe without you! And I know you need me too. Forget about them, forget about everything but the two of us, and just say yes." 

He leaned forward to kiss her, but she turned her head. _Damn._ It stung, to be so clearly rejected, and he let out a disappointed sigh. He was about to let her go, when he felt a sharp pain on his shoulder. It was Tei's hand, squeezing so hard it felt like Yuri's bones might break. 

"She said no." Tei looked furious. Oh, was he annoyed that Yuri had refused to stay the helpful handmaid to his seduction?

"I got that," said Yuri, irritably. He stood up and brushed off his knees. 

"I'm sorry, Yuri," said Eri. "But I really can't. It's not fair to...to anyone, but especially Tei." She blushed, and looked a little indignant. "He's _right there_."

"Maybe he'd learn something," said Yuri. "I doubt any of these boys know how to please a woman."

"I'm not sure she would agree," said Tei, with a smirk, and brushed the back of his hand against Eri's cheek. She shivered and Yuri couldn't even complain without looking like a massive hypocrite as Tei's finger's crawled spider-like around her neck.

"Tei," said Eri, a little breathless. "Don't..."

"Of course," said Tei, slowly drawing back his hand. " _I_ respect your wishes."

"Seriously?" said Yuri. Tei was treating _Yuri_ like the creep, now?

"Yuri," said Tei, voice dripping with condescension, "If you can't behave yourself, maybe you shouldn't be here."

"Oh no you don't," said Yuri. "You don't get rid of me that easily." He sat heavily back in the chair and crossed his arms. "Carry on, I've said my piece."

And been rejected for it. He couldn't look Eri in the eye, and stared out the window. Was that it then? He'd lost his chance with her forever? Deep down he'd believed she'd come back to him, once she'd had a chance to get used to the new situation. But it sounded like...she would never...oh no, he was _not_ going to cry in front of Tei. He bit his lip. 

"This must be so hard for you," said Tei. Who was talking to Eri, of course, as if he cared about _Yuri's_ feelings. "You've always been so generous of spirit. Have you decided not to choose any of us, then?"

"Mmm," said Eri. "I can't think of what else to do."

"Ah," said Tei, with a gentle sigh. "I'm not sure that's a good idea. As long as there's hope, we won't be able to let go. But I understand that it must feel unfair to choose any one of us over the others." He made himself sound like a supportive friend, like helpful Momma Tei just wanting what was best for her little girl. But pointing out Tei's sliminess would get Yuri kicked out, which was exactly what Tei wanted. So Yuri just ground his teeth. 

"But then who should I choose?" said Eri. "I love you all."

"Me," said Tei, and then he laughed. "Sorry, did you expect me to suggest someone else?"

"No," said Eri, with a smile in her voice. Yuri turned to look at her, because he was an idiot. Seeing her smile at Tei like that...and then she sighed. "I realise this is something I have to decide for myself." 

Tei stroked Eri's hair. "Don't push yourself too hard. It's difficult for us, not knowing, but our first priority is always you, and your happiness." 

"I know..." said Eri. "It feels unfair, that you all care about me so much. I don't deserve it."

"Yes you do," said Tei, putting his arms around her, and she sighed against him. 

Yuri wanted to be the one comforting Eri, but as Tei said: his first priority was her happiness, and like it or not, Tei was making her happy. Watching Tei care for her was bittersweet, possessiveness at war with protectiveness, and despite himself it made Yuri feel more positively towards Tei, as the one bringing Eri comfort. Part of him wanted to embrace her _as well_ as Tei, so that she had as much comfort as possible. He shook his head to remove the strange mental image. 

"But...but I'm so ordinary," said Eri. "Having even one of you love me felt like a miracle. But all of you? It doesn't make any sense. Not unless..." Her voice got very small and sad. "Not unless it's just because I'm your owner. Then it's my fault you feel this way."

"Eri," said Tei. "You are anything but ordinary. We love you because you're you." And he did love her, there was no doubting that. The knowledge filled Yuri with a strange mixture of resentment and approval: because of course Tei should love Eri. She deserved all the love in the world. 

"Mmm," said Eri, sounding unconvinced. Yuri couldn't hold his tongue any longer. Surely Tei wouldn't object, not when it involved the one topic they agreed upon. 

"I can't speak for the others," said Yuri. "But I'm sure you remember how hard it was for me, when I fell in love with you. I was made to love all women, not to devote myself to any single one. Not even my owner. It is _despite_ of how I was made that I care so much about you."

"All dolls want their owner's love," said Tei, nodding. "And want to be good. But the way I feel about you...it goes so far beyond that. And you never treated us like objects, like other owners do. You always made us feel loved, and cared for, even when we could do nothing for you but watch in silence. Isn't it only natural that we want to care for you now that we have the chance? Not because you're our owner, but because of how wonderful you've been _as_ our owner."

Eri had gone bright red and was covering her face. "I don't think I've done anything very special," she said, her voice muffled.

It felt strangely satisfying, working together with Tei to make Eri happy, instead of being at odds. It reminded Yuri of the sense of purpose and connection he'd felt working with everyone to find her when she'd been kidnapped by that boy. 

"If Yuri and I agree on something, you know we have to be right," said Tei.

Eri gave a short laugh. "Maybe. Thanks, you guys. You're so good to me."

"And you're good to us," said Yuri. Even though she was breaking his heart, he knew she was only motivated by a desire to do what was right for her dolls, and he loved her for it.

"Agreed," said Tei. He let Eri go and ruffled her hair. "Now we should probably go downstairs before Lance becomes convinced we're doing something dirty." Which is to say, before he and Yuri got into another fight. They'd formed a temporary truce, but could only hold back their mutual jealousy for so long. How on Earth were they going to manage this long term, if Eri didn't make a choice?

But for now, Yuri was going to play along with Tei. "Lance thinks I'm doing something dirty when I wish Eri a good morning," he said, with an exaggerated pout.

"In his defence, you usually are," said Tei, standing up with a stretch. But the smile he gave Yuri had no cruelty in it, for once.

"I don't know about _usually_ ," said Eri. 

"Hardly ever!" said Yuri. "I suppose there was that one time, with the pancake syrup..." He winked at Eri and she blushed. 

Tei covered his ears. "I don't want to know!" But he looked at Eri with nothing but cheerful affection when she giggled. He wasn't _always_ a possessive creep. 

"Of course, pancake syrup is a little sticky," said Yuri, stepping closer to Tei, wondering how far he could get away with teasing him. "If you could purchase some _extra virgin_ coconut oil your next grocery order, I have heard the sweet flavour is a pleasant counterpoint to certain..."

"I'm sorry, all I hear is _dear Tei, never buy pancake syrup ever again_ ," said Tei. 

"Oh no!" said Eri, with a melodramatic gasp. She was standing between them now, and it felt very right. 

"Oh, you didn't hear me properly?" said Yuri. "Then I should repeat myself. I have heard-"

Eri tugged his sleeve. "But Yuri, the pancakes!"

"Yes, Yuri," said Tei, smiling at him. "The pancakes."

"Very well," said Yuri, with a long-suffering sigh. "If it is to make my darling happy. What would you rather we speak of, then, Tei?"

Tei stared at him for a moment. "You're actually listening to me?" he said. "I should take note of the date, this is quite the miracle."

"If you're going to be like that, don't count on it happening again."

Tei just laughed. "You never know, you might actually like what I have to say."

"That _would_ be a miracle," said Yuri.

"Perhaps it would," said Tei. He looked at his feet for a moment. "I do owe you a favour, Yuri. So, is there any meal you'd like me to cook for you?"

"Oh," said Yuri. His first instinct was to make a joke, or suggest something difficult or obscene. But he was actually a little touched, and didn't know how to deal with the strange warm feeling in his chest. 

"What about chicken and ginseng soup?" said Eri. "I remember you complaining you could never find anywhere that cooks it quite the way you like."

"Hmm, that sounds like a high bar," said Tei. "Do you trust me to do your fine tastes justice, Yuri?"

Yuri patted Tei on the top of his head, enjoying Tei's look of annoyance at his hair being mussed up, and the soft feeling of Tei's hair against his hand. "I trust you to do your best," said Yuri. "And that's good enough for me."

Maybe they could manage this after all.


	6. Chapter 6

For just a moment, Tei felt like he might be enough, just as he was. He'd forgotten what that was like. The brief window of happiness he'd shared with Eri before her disappearance had started to feel like a dream, something he'd imagined. 

He still couldn't let his guard down, his darker nature was always there, threatening to surface. But when it was just Eri and Yuri, he didn't have to be perfect. He could be flawed, and known, and still be good enough. In a strange way, Yuri's low opinion of Tei was as freeing as Eri's love: there wasn't the constant fear that he'd be hated and rejected the moment his mask slipped and revealed the foul beast within. They both knew what he was, and accepted it, in their own way. 

Usually, Yuri's acceptance of Tei was grudging and derogatory. Tei's opinion of him wasn't generally much better, he was perpetually irritated by Yuri's shallowness and self-absorption. But just for a moment, Tei had felt like he and Yuri were on the same side. That they were almost something like friends, united in their mutual desire to make Eri happy. 

And then they'd rejoined the others, and Tei had been forced to put back on his mask. 

Red, Yeonho, and Lance were all lurking near the door to Eri's room, trying not to look like they'd been waiting, but clearly desperate to know what Yuri and Tei had been talking about with her alone. Lance glared openly at Yuri, obviously convinced he'd been up to no good. Yet Yuri was mostly harmless, if a bit of a sleaze. How would Lance feel about Tei, if he knew the truth?

"Eri!" said Red, before anyone else had a chance to speak. "Do you have any plans today?"

Lance quickly shifted his glare to Red. _Don't blame others for you moving too slow,_ thought Tei with amusement, though he was equally unhappy with the idea of Red spending the day with Eri. 

"I don't think so..." said Eri, thoughtfully. And then she smiled. "I've got my memory back, and all my dolls are here with me, and I'm on holiday. I can do anything I like!"

Red bounced happily on his heels. "Then do you want to walk around town with me? You could see if anything's changed, and maybe it would help jog any remaining lost memories!"

"Oh, that sounds fun!" said Eri. 

"Yeah!" said Yeonho. "We can all see how things have changed together!" Sometimes Yeonho reminded Tei of himself, the way he masked his obsessive sneakiness with an innocent smile. But somehow Yeonho managed to be broken without being dangerous, something Tei had yet to master. 

"Oh," said Red. 

"You're right, it would be sensible to find out what the differences are," said Lance.

Red just nodded glumly, as his vision of time alone with Eri evaporated. And without Tei having to lift a finger! How delightful. 

"I'll come too, then," said Tei, as if there had ever been any doubt. "I need to stop by Banjul, anyway, and make sure I know the right schedule."

"Count me out," said Yuri. "I have better things to do than wander the streets with a group of unruly boys. But if you ever want to go for a walk with me alone, my honey..."

Tei found himself feeling disappointed that Yuri wouldn't be coming. How strange. 

As the five of them walked along the street, Red offered a constant patter about every little thing that might have changed between worlds: this store opened last month, that tree got chopped down, and so forth. Tei kept half an ear open, but to be honest he didn't really care. He was just here to be with Eri. 

"It all looks the same to me," said Yeonho. "But it _feels_ different."

"In what way?" said Eri. "I think it's amazing that you can sense these things." Tei thought it was amazing how she managed to draw them all out into expressing themselves, from shy Yeonho to sullen Lance. 

Yeonho laughed self consciously. "It's hard to explain. The...energy is different, I guess. Only a little bit, though."

"Do I feel different?" said Red. "Compared to the Red you used to know?"

"Oh, yes!" said Yeonho. "Everyone feels a _little_ different, but you're...brighter than I remember. It's cool! Maybe it's because you activated your special power."

Red beamed. "Brighter, huh? I like that!" He walked a little taller, with his chest puffed out, and Tei couldn't help but laugh. As much as the other dolls were his rivals, he did care about them, and it was good to see them happy. 

These cheerful thoughts were interrupted by a high pitched voice. "Eri!" A familiar figure bounced towards them through the crowded street. 

"Oh, hello Soi!" said Eri. 

In Tei's world, Soi had simpered and sighed over him until their breakup, and after that had been more unselfconsciously friendly, in a blunt, mocking sort of way. But this Soi seemed to be actively ignoring him. Had this world's Tei done something to upset her? He hoped not, he liked Soi well enough, and it would be awkward if one of Eri's friends didn't like him. "I see you're out with your boyfriend," she said. "And...your friends." 

"Uh, yeah, her boyfriend, haha," said Red, putting his arm around Eri. Because this was his world, and his Eri. It made Tei want to scream. 

Red was _touching_ her, like he _owned_ her. How had that other Tei stood it, seeing this day after day? 

Eri blushed, but didn't seem to mind Red's defiling touch. She asked Soi about her holiday plans, and Soi replied, and Tei stood there smiling and trying not to fantasise too hard about breaking Red's fingers one by one. Eventually he realised Soi was talking to him. 

"Hmm?" he said.

And then she _frowned_ at him, openly annoyed that he'd been ignoring her. "I asked if you had any plans for the holidays." 

"Nothing special," he said. "Mostly work." And regaining the affections of his one and only owner, of course. 

Soi nodded awkwardly. She talked with everyone a little longer, and tried unsuccessfully to flirt with Yeonho. After a while she made her excuses and left. 

The moment she was gone Lance slapped the back of Red's hand. "You can let her go now," he said. 

"Ow!" said Red, hitting Lance back and then shaking his hand in exaggerated pain. "It's not my fault you all landed in my world!" 

"That's no excuse for taking liberties," said Lance. 

"Don't hit each other," said Eri. "If you have to argue, settle it with words." 

Lance and Red both looked at Eri like chastened children. 

"Did something happen with Soi?" said Tei. "She was acting oddly around me."

"Oh," said Red, "Yeah, I should have told you! There was this...huge misunderstanding, it was kind of a mess. But she thought you liked her, and so you had to tell her you didn't. Uh, he did, the other Tei."

"I see," said Tei. "I hope her feelings didn't get too hurt." Since she'd easily forgiven Tei in his world, the "mess" Red spoke of must have been unpleasant. 

Part of him had considered trying to distract himself with Soi again. But it was probably for the best that he couldn't. He hadn't wanted to take physical advantage, and they'd only ever managed to have an actual conversation after the breakup. Dating her had mostly just been an inconvenience.

"She _was_ a little hurt," said Eri. "From what I remember. But you were very kind about it, and now she can find someone who'll be able to love her back." Eri was always so kind, even to those who didn't deserve it. 

Like Tei: for all his feigned solicitude, his main concern about Soi right now was that he might be able to push her onto Yeonho, and take one rival out of the running. Yet no matter how often she saw Tei's true nature, Eri always expected the best of him. It made him want to try to be the man she thought he was. 

As they approached the door to Banjul, another conflict started brewing, on the topic of where to go next.

Yeonho grabbed Eri's arm. "We should see if my friend is still there!" he said. Eri didn't quite manage to hide her expression of horror. 

"What sort of friend is this, exactly?" said Tei. 

Yeonho just laughed a little creepily, which did not put Tei's mind at ease. 

"She clearly doesn't want to go," said Lance. "We should return home, she needs to rest."

"We haven't seen all the important places yet!" said Red. "There's the department store, and the supermarket..." 

"How exciting," said Lance, sarcastically. 

"If you want to go somewhere boring, there's always your favourite hangout, the _library_."

"It's less boring to those who aren't illiterate," said Lance. 

"Red isn't illiterate, Lance," said Eri. "And it's thoughtful of you to worry about me, but we don't have to go home just yet."

"He's just hoping we bump into more people from school," said Lance. "So he has an excuse to molest you again."

Red's face went as rosy as his name. "What did you just say?!" 

"Well, I'll be off," said Tei, cheerfully. What a wonderful job these two were doing at making him look mature and agreeable. "Unless you all want to come up, and see if the menu's changed?"

"Oh, that might be nice..." said Yeonho. He grabbed Eri's hand again. "Do you want me to buy you some cake, Eri?" 

They all needed to stop acting as if they had any right to touch her. As if they were remotely worthy. It took everything Tei had to keep smiling despite the growing anger that simmered under his skin. Time to go, before he did something rash.

"I'll let you kids figure it out," he said. "I'll see you all at home later. Don't be too late. I'm making chicken and ginseng soup."

That got a surprised and pleased look from Eri, which he held to his heart, a small flame of happiness to sustain him in the dark.

* * *

Now that Eri was well, it was time for Yuri to try to create some sort of life for himself in this strange new world he'd found himself thrown into. Hopefully, he'd be living this life with her, but for that to happen there were a few things he needed to take care of first.

Thankfully the other Yuri had used the same bank password as he did, and turned out to have saved up quite a nice sum of money. Unfortunately, his phone number had been different, which made it difficult to contact any of the generous women who'd provided much of this cash to let them know Yuri was off the market now. Lance had tried explaining why all their phone numbers had changed, but it had all been very confusing and only Tei had seemed to understand.

At least one of Yuri's patrons was easy to contact, and Yuri was glad to have this opportunity to visit their upstairs neighbour without endless personal questions from the others. And after a few easily rebuffed questions as to Yuri's motivations for quitting, the Principal was happy to agree to take care of all the paperwork. 

Two tasks down, one to go.

Wanting some fresh air, Yuri wandered to a nearby park. At least this place didn't seem to have changed. He sat and watched the wind through the trees for a moment, then sighed and brought up the number for Haz. It was embarrassing how long it had taken Yuri to realise he wasn't getting any messages sent to the old Yuri's number. How many had he missed? 

Haz sounded bored when he finally picked up the phone. "Who's this?"

"Yuri."

"Yuri..." said Haz slowly. "No, I don't know anyone by that name."

Damn, had this world's Yuri not been in the band? Yuri felt a pang of loneliness and disappointment. But then Haz continued, the sarcasm in his voice becoming increasingly blatant. "I mean, I _used_ to know this _drummer_ called Yuri. But he didn't turn up to rehearsal and never answered my calls, and I figured he had to be dead. So you can't be _him_."

Yuri let out a laugh of relief. "I suppose I deserve that," he said. "I'm sorry for being such a flake. But a series of deeply tiresome events resulted in me missing rehearsal and losing my phone."

"A likely story," said Haz, but he didn't sound too angry.

"This is my new number," said Yuri. "I promise I'll answer any messages you send to it. So when's the next rehearsal again?"

"Same time as always?"

"Remind me," said Yuri. "It's been a tough couple of days." 

According to Haz, some girl had turned up to rehearsal crying that Yuri hadn't been answering her calls. Yuri wondered how many other hearts the other Yuri had broken by vanishing. He felt a little guilty, to have abandoned those girls with no warning, but on the other hand it meant he didn't have to speak to any of them himself. It was strange how quickly flirting with other girls had gone from fun to unpleasant. If only Eri felt the same way about flirting with other boys. 

By the time he got back, Tei had started dinner: the promised chicken soup. The smell of the simmering garlic made Yuri's mouth water.

"Where have you been?" said Tei.

"Doing grownup things," said Yuri.

Tei raised an eyebrow but didn't press for details. Yuri flopped onto the couch and closed his eyes, hoping dinner would be soon.

He heard someone wander into the kitchen. From the disapproving "hmmph", it must be Lance. "Why are we having chicken and ginseng soup in Winter?" he said. "It's a Summer food."

"Oh?" said Tei. "Are you worried the food police will come and arrest us? Don't worry, I'll tell them you were an innocent bystander."

"Tch," said Lance. "Anyway, I'm here to ask what you think we should do about Red. He acts like he owns her, just because we happen to be in the world where the two of them were dating. As if the things that happened in our own worlds are meaningless."

"Because _you'd_ never act like you own her," said Tei, with a judgemental smile in his voice. Tei often jabbed subtle barbs like that at Yuri, but it was strange to see him needle Lance. Did something happen while they were out? 

"...Fine," said Lance. "I can't claim I would have behaved any better had you all landed in my world. But you didn't."

"But let's just imagine for a moment that we _were_ in your world," said Tei. "How would you feel if Red and I conspired against you, jealous of your advantage: Would it encourage you to back down, or would you just dig in your heels?"

Lance took in a sharp breath. For all that everyone went on about how clever he was, he couldn't hold a candle to Tei, especially when it came to understanding people.

"So we do nothing? And let him win?"

"We trust the owner to make the right decision," said Tei. "And accept it, whatever it is. That's all we can do." Tei's voice got softer. "I'm not saying it's easy." 

Lance let out a sad sigh. But it sounded like Tei had made him feel a little better. Sometimes Yuri was a little jealous at how natural Tei made it look, comforting and caring for everyone around him. Even as a teacher Yuri had never entirely gotten the hang of it, though he liked to think he'd taken care of his little lambs well enough in his own way. 

Of course Lance and Tei had been his students too, in theory, but that had felt more like a game of pretend they were all playing along with Eri, masking the much deeper bonds between dolls and owner. Between fellow dolls, as well: for all that Lance was an annoying prig, Yuri didn't want to see him sad. Perhaps he could...

"But can we trust that perverted teacher?" said Lance. "What was that with the two of you this morning? Did he try anything?"

On second thoughts, Lance could hang. "Did _you_ try something?" said Yuri, sitting up, and enjoying the look of shock on Lance's face when he realised Yuri had heard the whole conversation. "I'm not the one who went sobbing back to my room to get her alone."

"That's none of your business," said Lance.

"Quite," said Yuri. Lance had enough self insight to look a little abashed at his own hypocrisy. Good. 

"Lance," said Tei. "Could you tell the others that dinner is ready?"

Lance nodded and left. The moment he was gone Tei let out a long sigh. 

"I take it your little outing didn't go well," said Yuri.

"We're going to have to do something about Red," said Tei, darkly.

"But how would he react if he knew we were conspiring against him?" said Yuri, in his best approximation of Tei's calm, condescending tone. "We should just trust the owner." 

Tei let out a short, pained laugh. Yeah. Yuri loved Eri with his entire soul, but she was too soft-hearted and easily manipulated for her own good. How else would she have fallen in love with jerks like them?

Yuri's one consolation during dinner was that the soup was good. 

Whatever might have happened with Red while they were all out in town, the problem right now was Yeonho. He was practically in Eri's lap, going so far as to blow on her spoon before she sipped from it. Apparently he'd gotten back in touch with his creepy supernatural club friends, and was telling her all about it in a steady, wide eyed whisper. Worse, Eri seemed genuinely interested, though she leaned away from him a little when he got too close. Which was a lot.

"Don't sit so close," said Lance. "You're making her uncomfortable."

Yeonho frowned at Lance, but then pouted and shifted his chair away a little. "Sorry," he muttered. "I didn't mean to."

"That's ok, Yeonho," said Eri, patting his head. 

"I made sure to contact all my friends from school, too," said Red, taking advantage of the pause in conversation. "Since Lance said our phone numbers have changed."

"Yours is the only one that _hasn't_ changed, you idiot," said Lance. 

Red stared at Lance in confusion for a moment, and then laughed smugly. "Oh, that's right," he said. "Because this is _my_ world! Hey Eri, the drama club captain wants to know if you're interested in joining again next year."

"Oh!" said Eri. "That's right! I was in the drama club in this world! That was fun...but I should probably try to study a little harder next year."

"Red should be studying too," said Lance. "Since it's his final year. Neither of you should participate in the drama club." Eri hadn't joined the club in Yuri's world, but he didn't like the sound of it either. Far too much kissing.

"Actually...I might be a sophomore again," said Red. "Since I didn't do my exams..."

"You _failed_?" said Lance. "I knew you were an idiot..."

"I didn't _go_ ," said Red. "You don't know how tough it was for me, ok?"

"It would be nice to see you during class," said Eri. "But I hope you don't have to repeat. Is there anything he can do, Yuri?"

"Don't ask me," said Yuri. "I quit being a teacher." That and he'd never entirely gotten his head around those sorts of administrative details. It wasn't like he'd actually been trained as a teacher, whatever his faked papers might claim. 

"Oh," said Eri, probably guessing why he'd quit, and feeling guilty. 

"I only joined to keep an eye on the rest of you," he said. "I'll be glad to be free of it. Being stuck in a room with all those disgusting teenage boys, day after day... And so much work, with no appreciation for how I sacrificed my beauty sleep for a bunch of ungrateful children." This wasn't entirely true, he'd enjoyed teaching well enough, but was close enough to the truth that it didn't feel like a real lie. 

"Will you become a waiter again?" she asked. 

"What do you say, Tei?" said Yuri. "Does Banjul have room for another hot man?"

"Perhaps," said Tei. "But if you're hoping to get away from teenagers, I have some bad news about our clientele."

"Are us teenagers really so bad?" said Eri. "I suppose I _didn't_ always do my homework..."

"You're perfect, darling," said Yuri. "Unlike certain boys who always looked out the window when I was talking." Tei's marks had always been exemplary, but that had just made the way he ignored Yuri's lessons more annoying. 

"And you're a perfect customer," said Tei, "Unlike certain _men_ who spill tea and crumbs all over the table without wiping it up afterwards."

"Hmmph," said Lance with a smirk, as he neatly ate his soup without a drop spilled on the table. _His_ main flaw as a student had been complaining any time Yuri deviated from the syllabus, as if something as organic as Music could be taught to a _timetable_.

"Anyway, Red," said Eri, "Do you want me to the talk to the Principal? It wasn't your fault you were so distracted during the exams, you shouldn't have to repeat the whole year."

"Well...it wasn't _just_ the exams..." said Red. "I also did pretty badly on the tests and assignments during the year..."

"Oh dear," said Eri.

"But it's alright! I think being in the same class as you and Yeonho will be fun!"

"Ha," said Lance. 

"I didn't mention you," said Red.

"I noticed," said Lance. 

"Does everyone like the soup?" said Tei, before the two brats could get any more childish. 

"It's delicious!" said Yeonho. He leaned towards Eri. "Isn't it delicious, Eri?"

"Mmm," she said. "Tei's a great cook."

"Thank you," said Tei. "What about you, Yuri? Is it up to your high standards?"

"It's very good," he said, because it was. It was possibly the best version of this soup he'd ever had, and he'd tried a few. "A little less sweetness and it will be just right."

"I like the sweetness," said Red. Of course he did.

"Nobody asked you," snapped Yuri. That boy was _not_ going to ruin his soup, not on top of everything else. 

It was a relief to be alone with Tei in their room after dinner, free of the endless chatter of the other boys. It was strange to remember how much he'd missed them when they were gone. 

"It's not just Red who's a problem," said Yuri, grumpily pulling open his buttons one by one. "All of those awful boys keep circling around my honey like sharks..."

"You can hardly blame them," said Tei. "We all know that once she picks one of us, the rest of us have lost our chance forever." But there was a simmering resentment in his eyes that he wasn't bothering to hide now that he was alone with Yuri.

"Do you think she'll stick to it?" asked Yuri. "Not dating any of us?"

"I don't know," said Tei, softly. 

Yuri sighed and decided it was too depressing to talk about any further. He went back to unbuttoning his shirt. 

As he finally dropped his shirt to the ground and looked back up, he noticed Tei staring at him. Normally they avoided looking at each other at all when they were changing, but Tei's eyes were staring openly at Yuri's naked chest. 

"Checking out the competition?" said Yuri.

"Yes," said Tei. 

Yuri flexed his muscles a little. "I'd be happy to give you some workout tips, if you like," he said. 

"No thanks," said Tei, with a laugh, as if the idea of wanting to look like Yuri was _amusing_. He started to take off his own shirt, and so Yuri watched back. And he had to admit that Tei didn't look bad. Not quite as powerfully built as Yuri, but still well put together, and not all that different, really. After all, they'd been designed by the same company. They were both perfect, in their own way, just aimed at different tastes. Yuri's body was still better, though. 

Tei put his shirt in the dirty laundry basket, and then looked back at Yuri, with a thoughtful expression.

"You've been with a lot of women," he said.

"A few. None since Eri." Just in case he was going to try and argue that Yuri was too much of a player to settle down. 

"Any men?"

"No?! Why would I...just because I've been with a few women, you think I have no standards at all?" 

"There's no need to get defensive," said Tei. "Unless you're too conservative to accept that sort of thing?"

Conservative! As if Yuri was some... _old man_ , complaining about kids these days with their twinters and their weird sexualities. "What other men do in private is none of my business," said Yuri. "As long as they don't try to do it with _me_." He squinted at Tei. "Why, what about you?" Was Tei having some sort of sexuality crisis? That would be...surprising, but pretty convenient, under the circumstances. 

Tei smiled sadly and shook his head. "There's never been anyone for me but her." Which made Yuri feel a little bad about himself, remembering how long it had taken him to see Eri as his one and only. But he couldn't help the way he'd been made. 

Tei didn't look at him again after that, and neither of them said anything as they changed into their nightwear and got into bed. Not until they were laying next to each other in the dark.

"I'm worried what will happen," said Tei. "If she doesn't choose someone...not just with me. With all of us."

"And so she should just hurry up and choose you," said Yuri. "I get it."

"I don't think she will choose me," said Tei, softly. "Why would she? She knows what I am." He spoke in a cracked whisper that made a shiver go up Yuri's spine. "It's driving me crazy."

"Well I don't know what you expect me to do about it," said Yuri, refusing to let himself be unsettled. It was just Tei being weird. "I'm already your babysitter."

Tei shifted closer. "You can distract me." 

"Distract you? How am I-"

Tei kissed him. It wasn't an affectionate kiss, or even a sexual one, it was...desperate. Needy. Like Tei was drowning and gasping for air. Yuri was so surprised that for a moment he didn't respond, and just felt Tei's hand's grasping at his shoulders, Tei's lips hard against his mouth, the fabric of Tei's stupid pyjamas soft and warm against his chest. 

Yuri came back to himself and shoved Tei away. Tei pushed back, but Yuri was stronger. Yuri forced Tei down onto the bed and held him by his wrists. In the dark, he could only make out the whites of Tei's eyes, staring up at Yuri with a wild excitement. "What the _fuck_?" 

"You said you'd help me," whispered Tei.

"Not like this!"

"But you want her too...doesn't it eat at you? And I know you're attracted to me."

It would have been nice to be able to deny it. Or at least to understand it. Yuri wasn't even supposed to like men. Of course, he wasn't supposed to like one women over any others, either. Life as a human was a constant series of surprises.

The fact that Tei was attracted to Yuri was less of a surprise: who wouldn't be? And it wasn't like there was any reason for most dolls to care about gender, when the only love they were supposed to feel was for their owner. Not that Tei's actions right now were in any way motivated by love. 

"I'm attracted to lots of people," said Yuri. "And I choose not to be with any of them. Because I love her." 

_I love **her**_ , he reminded himself, though Tei was warm and lithe beneath him.

"How long can you wait?" gasped Tei.

"Forever," said Yuri. "How is that even a question? What's wrong with you?"

"So many things," said Tei, with a high, wavering laugh. Yuri just sighed, and waited until Tei's breath calmed down and his eyes lost their frenzied sheen.

"Can I let you go, now?" said Yuri. "Your breath smells like garlic."

"Don't go," said Tei. He almost sounded like he was crying. What a _mess_.

"I'm not leaving," said Yuri, letting go of Tei's wrists and shifting over on the bed. "I'm choosing to trust you. Don't make me regret it."

Tei sat up and rubbed his wrists, but didn't come any closer. 

"If you can't control yourself, get a girl," said Yuri. "Or a guy, I don't care. But not me."

"I tried that," said Tei. "It didn't work. She saw me as her perfect prince, and being around her became just another burden. But you _know_ me." 

"Yes, I know you're a creepy pervert obsessed with the woman I love. That's not exactly appealing."

"Of course not," said Tei. "Only the owner can know me and love me all the same. But you can use me. And I can use you."

"Sorry, but I choose not to be used," said Yuri. "And I wouldn't recommend trying to force the issue. I'm not some little girl you can push around." 

"Yes," said Tei. "That's something I like about you." 

Yuri lay down and turned his back to Tei, and his strange, needy pull. "Well I don't like you," he said, wishing it were true.

"I understand," said Tei. "I won't bother you again."

"Good night, Tei," said Yuri. Feeling a little bad for the guy, he added. "Try to sleep. Things will seem better in the morning."

Tei didn't say anything for a while. Then Yuri heard him settle back down into bed. "Good night, Yuri," he said, softly. "And...thank you."

Yuri wasn't sure what he was being thanked for. He wasn't sure of a lot of things. Listening to Tei's uneven breathing, Yuri lay in the dark, unable to categorise what he was feeling. It took him a long time to fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am reliably unreliable when it comes to judging the length of my WIPs in advance, but right now it looks like this story will be about 15 chapters and 50K words long. To give some idea of how quickly these numbers shift, when I finished the last chapter I had 10 chapters drafted and 30K written, and now I have 12 chapters drafted and 32K written...so who knows, haha. 
> 
> EDIT, several months later: ahahaha /o\


	7. Chapter 7

Eri was dragged out of sleep by a voice hissing "Shh! You'll wake her!"

"That's the aim, yes," came the calm reply. 

A third voice whined "You have to do it _nicely_."

"I can think of some very nice ways I could wake her..."

Was it _all_ of them?

"Whatever you're thinking, stop it right now! _I'm_ going to do it."

Yes, that was definitely five voices, all becoming increasingly loud. 

"But you never did before!"

Eri tried to put her pillow over her ears but it wasn't enough. They weren't even _trying_ to whisper now. She was on holiday! There was no reason for anyone to wake her at all!

"Yes I did! Just because _you_ weren't there to see it, doesn't mean..." 

Eri let out a long, irritated groan and was rewarded with glorious silence.

"There's no point arguing," she grumbled at the five boys crowding around the door to her room. "You've _all_ woken me up. Congratulations." 

The bickering during yesterday's excursion had segued into petty sniping over dinner and mutated over the evening into an argument about who should sleep next to her at night. In the end she'd had to persuade them that she was safe to sleep alone to be able to get any rest at all.

It seemed that the fragile peace between the dolls had broken now that they weren't so busy worrying that she was safe. She was glad they weren't as worried any more, but could have done without all the arguments. 

It wasn't just about who got to spend time with her, either, though that was certainly the most common cause of conflict. The general tension was making all their interactions more antagonistic.

For the first time in all her memories, Tei made a special effort on breakfast for someone other than Eri. He placed a big plate of eggs and bacon in front of Yuri with a self-conscious smile. Was Tei still trying to express his gratitude to Yuri for helping him? How sweet.

Yuri didn't seem to agree. 

"What is this?" he asked, coldly. "Are you trying to butter me up, Mrs Tei? Your feminine wiles won't work on me."

"Yuri," said Eri. "Don't be mean. Tei's just trying to be nice."

"Nice? That creep? He doesn't have a nice bone in his body. He is rotten all the way down." Yuri sniffed disdainfully. "But all men are disgusting, that's why I like _women_. Especially you, my one and only darling, the perfect angel to whom I have pledged my eternal and _faithful_ devotion."

"I apologise for offending you with this disgustingly male food, Yuri," said Tei, picking up the plate from in front of Yuri and putting it in front of Red. "I assume _you're_ not offended by it, Red?"

"It looks ok?" said Red. 

"I'll leave you to make yourself a sufficiently feminine breakfast, shall I, Yuri?" said Tei, with an unfriendly smile. "Though I'm afraid we're out of bacon."

What on Earth was going on between these two?

And of course, once breakfast was over, everyone started arguing about what Eri should do with her day, and who she should be doing it with. Red and Lance nearly came to blows, and even Tei's smile was starting to look strained. When it got to the point that Yeonho looked like he might burst into tears, Eri threw up her hands in frustration and shouted "I'm going out by myself!"

"Is that safe?" said Lance.

Honestly. It was nice that he wanted to protect her, but she didn't need someone looking after her _all_ the time. But she didn't actually want to be alone, either. She just wanted a break from all this arguing, and the guilt that it was all her fault. It would be easier if she could just pick one of the dolls, but every time she thought she might be close one of the others would do something so loveable she couldn't make up her mind. And she was troubled by a niggling sense that...there was something better, though she couldn't figure out what. 

"I'm going to hang out with Soi and Shinbi," she said. "I haven't seen them for a while." 

And thankfully, this was apparently a choice that everyone could accept. The bickering calmed down and everyone wished her a good time with her friends. It was a nice change. Maybe she could just...hang out with Soi and Shinbi every day...forever...

Maybe not. But it would it would be a nice break just for today. 

Since Tei wasn't working today, Eri organised to meet up with Soi at Banjul. Shinbi was busy modelling, which on the plus side meant that Soi was very bored and glad for something to do. This made Eri feel a little less guilty for using her friend as a distraction from personal problems she didn't feel able to share. 

"So how was the amusement park on ~Christmas?" said Soi, drawing out the word with a suggestive wink. "I didn't want to ask you for the details with all those other boys there. Was it very romantic?"

The amusement park? 

Oh. Right. Eri had gone there with Red and the others. And as far as Soi knew, it had been a perfectly ordinary day, not the start of some...awful ordeal Eri still couldn't think about without being overcome with pain.

"It was...nice," said Eri, having trouble untangling her memories of five different versions of the same Christmas visit, especially when they were all full of holes. "I went on the merry-go-round." She was sure of that much, at least. 

"Hmm," said Soi, not sounding very impressed. "Well _my_ Christmas was dateless and boring. Shinbi got me some cute earrings, though, and we watched this American movie with lots of explosions."

"Did you have a chance to see the snow? I thought it was really pretty."

"Ha!" said Soi, with a bitter twist of her lips. "Yes, I saw it. When Shinbi threw a snowball at me! We hadn't even agreed to a snowball fight, it was a violation of the rules of war!"

"Did you throw one back?"

"Naturally! If you'd have been there I'm sure we'd have beaten her, too, but I understand you have a _man_ now."

"Right," said Eri. Should she tell Soi she and Red had broken up? But what if they got back together? Was that actually likely? The thought of never being with him again, of never being with any of them again, was so depressing she wanted to cry. 

She must have looked as sad as she felt, because she felt Soi's hand on her shoulder. "Are you ok, Eri? Did something happen with Red?"

Eri sniffed and nodded. "I think we might be going to break up," she said. That was an ok thing to say, right? She was so sad, and it hurt not to be able to reach out for comfort. 

Soi's eyes burned with fierce determination. "Did that weirdo do something to upset you? Do I need to teach him a lesson?"

"No, he didn't do anything wrong! He's...he's perfect. It's me. I'm just...the worst."

Soi's eyes narrowed and her voice got low. "Did he tell you that?"

"No! Soi, he really didn't do anything bad to me. He's been...been really nice and understanding. More than I deserve."

"Then what's the problem? You guys seemed really happy together."

"We were. It's...it's really hard to explain. I'm sorry."

Soi sighed. "Come here then. I don't know what advice I can give if you can't tell me what's going on. But I can give you a hug."

"Thanks, Soi." Soi gave very good hugs, all soft and comforting, and Eri felt a little better in her arms. 

"I'm pretty sure you're not actually the worst," said Soi. "In fact, I'm _pretty_ sure you're the nicest person I know. And Red loves you a lot, even I can tell that. I don't have a lot of direct experience with relationships, but aren't you supposed to be honest about your feelings, and try to compromise? I'm sure if you do that you'll work things out."

Eri just sobbed. It all seemed so impossible. 

"Right, change of subject," said Soi. "Do you have any plans for New Year's Eve? You could watch the fireworks with me and Shinbi!" 

"I don't have any plans," said Eri, sadly. She sniffed and wiped her eyes. "It would be great to go with you two. Thanks."

"Great!" said Shinbi. "Now why you don't you buy us both hot chocolates to cheer you up?"

Eri laughed, her voice still a little cracked. "Wouldn't it normally be you buying me something to cheer me up?"

Soi blinked at her innocently. "But won't it put a smile on your face to do a favour for a friend?"

And she was right, it did. 

That night, Eri sat herself at her desk and took out her diary. She sat and wrote for a good hour, trying to get down everything that had happened, and everything she'd felt. At the end, she read back over the pages of text and tried to organise her thoughts. There had been more arguments at dinner, it seemed that the dolls hadn't gotten along when she was out of the house any better than they did when she was around. What could she do to help her family survive this painful situation?

There was a part of her that said the most logical solution was to just date Red. Everyone outside the house already thought they were dating, and while she didn't love him more than the others, she did feel like she owed him a little more, for taking care of her so carefully when she'd lost her memory. As much as it would break the other's hearts for her to date him, it was increasingly obvious that not dating any of them broke their hearts just the same. If she had to pick one of them, she might as well pick him.

So why was she so reluctant? She loved Red, and he loved her. He was a good, kind boyfriend. It would give the other dolls closure, and a chance to move on. She'd been so happy dating him before, when she'd lost her memories of all the other worlds.

But...she had those memories now. And those feelings. She'd always been attracted to the other dolls, and felt the faint stirrings of affection that had grown into love in other worlds. But now she deeply loved them all. And she felt quite certain that that love wouldn't fade, no matter how long she waited. When she'd dated Red before, he'd genuinely been the only one in her heart. But now, even if she pretended otherwise, he would have to share. 

It felt wrong, somehow, to be with him when she felt like this. She could stay faithful in action, but not in spirit. And imagining it, imagining saying "I love you" with the implication of "...and only you"...it felt like an insult, to him and to herself. It felt like...it would make her unhappy. 

But if she couldn't be happy with him, with a kind, perfect man who loved her, then could she ever be happy? Imagining being with any of the others was just as bad. So what did she even want? 

Now that she'd sat down and really examined her feelings, part of her knew the answer. But she didn't like it. She'd been trying to bury it, hoping there was some other way. 

But maybe there wasn't. 

Soi had said to be honest about her feelings. Could she really do that? Could she face the truth buried deep in her heart? And having faced it, could she show it to the men she loved? Would they hate her, if they really knew her true feelings? Was that reason enough to hide the truth, or a sign she had a responsibility to let them know what kind of person she really was?

Maybe...the only thing she could do right now, was to try.

She got out a piece of lined paper from her school notes and started writing down her thoughts. She eventually had to throw it out, and get another one, and grab a box of tissues to wipe her eyes, as she wrote and rewrote, trying to make sense of it all, trying to express the parts of herself she had tried so hard to lock away. 

The next morning she woke to another scuffle at the door, and more snide remarks over the breakfast table. Yet all of her dolls were careful to ask how she'd slept, and she could tell that even now they still worried about her memory, and her safety. How could they be so kind to her, and so cruel to each other? It made her heart ache. 

Part of her wondered if it could really be right to hurt them again. Maybe she should just leave it until later, pretend everything was fine until the wounds were a little less raw. 

But as she put down her cutlery, she knew that would be wrong. They were all waiting for her to say something, and it was her responsibility to set things straight. 

She sighed and reached into her pocket and pulled out the final draft of her thoughts, covered in lines that had been scribbled out and rewritten. She'd stayed up until well into the night going over and over her words, until she'd realised they were as good as they were going to get. 

"Um, everyone," she said, and the rowdy conversation immediately died down. "I have something to say. I, uh. wrote it down."

Her hands shook a little, and she couldn't meet their eyes. She stared at the words in front of her and willed herself to speak.

"I'm sorry," she began. "This is difficult to say, and I know you'll be hurt. But I think I have to be honest with you all. And the truth is..." She took a deep breath. "I have feelings for all of you. I can't...choose any one of you above the others, or forget the way I feel."

She heard Lance take a sharp breath, and her heart ached. 

"If...you were willing," she continued. "I'd want to try to...to be with all of you." Just saying it made her want to cringe and hide in the corner. What a thing to say! "But I know it's impossible, and too much to ask. You will always be family to me, all of you. I...I love you, and I want you to be happy, and I'm sorry I can't be...be what you need." She sniffed, and saw a drop of water fall from her face to the paper in her hands. "If you...want to leave, because staying here is too painful, I will understand. But I'm here, and I..." She looked up and could barely see the faces of her dolls through the tears in her eyes. "I'm your owner, and your friend. I hope we can still be a family." 

Everyone quiet for a moment. They'd all been waiting for her to choose one of them, but now she'd chosen them all. And in doing so, she had effectively chosen none of them at all. There was no way any of them would be willing to share. That much had already been made quite clear. 

The question was, could they stand it, to know how she felt? Would this help, or would it just make things worse?

"Oh, thank God," said Red. "I thought you were going to say something bad!"

"But it is bad!" said Eri. 

"It's not an _ideal_ decision, from my perspective," said Yuri. "But I understand why you've made it. And even if we can't be together romantically, wild horses couldn't drag me from your side."

"You will always be my owner," said Tei. "And my family. I'm sure the others feel the same way."

"Oh," she said. Could they really be accepting it? Even Tei, who had so much pain and self doubt? She allowed herself the tiniest sliver of hope. 

"Eri..." said Yeonho. He reached over and squeezed her hands. "This is...hard to get my head around. But of course I won't abandon you." 

"I'm whatever you need," said Lance. But he didn't sound very happy about it. Poor Lance. She'd known he would hate this, maybe more than anyone. It ate at her that she was hurting him. 

But even he was staying by her side. "You're all so good to me," she said. "I'm so glad. I need you all so much." 

"We need you too," said Tei, his voice weak. "And I don't...I don't own you. If you want to be with someone else..."

"I'm sorry," she said. "It's not fair. You don't have any choice about how you feel..."

"Neither do you," said Yuri. 

"Yes but I promised you," said Eri. "I promised all of you, to...to love only you, and now...now you're all hurt because I broke that promise."

There was denying that, and nobody tried. It wasn't her fault but...it was still true.

"Um," said Red. "Sorry, but uh...when you said you'd be willing to be with us, did you mean, um. Dating? Again?"

Eri looked up at him. "Yes," she said. "If...if that's something you'd want. But if the others wanted it too, I wouldn't...I couldn't..."

"That's ok!" said Red. "If you love me, that's all that matters. I don't...don't really mind if you love the other guys. I mean...they're pretty great guys. But...do you still love _me_?"

It was strange to hear Red so nervous. But Eri felt just as afraid. Was he really saying yes to her impossible feelings? 

"Yes," she said. "I love you so much." She sobbed. "Oh Red. You deserve so much better...And of course, if you wanted to date other girls as well, that would be-" 

He pulled her into a hug. "I have you," he said softly. "That's all I need." She relaxed into his arms. He was so warm, and it felt so right to be held by him. She hadn't been sure she'd ever get to feel this way again.

There was a clinking noise as Tei loudly moved dirty dishes into the sink. Eri blushed and stepped out of Red's arms. "I'm sorry," she said. "We shouldn't...I don't want to hurt anyone."

"I don't understand..." said Red, looking bereft.

"She means you should wait until you're alone," said Yuri. "To protect our innocent eyes."

"Oh!" said Red. He grabbed Eri's hand and pulled her gently with him as he took a step towards her room. "Then uh..."

"Sit down and finish your breakfast," said Tei, in a tone that had Red back in his chair before he had time to think. Then Tei smiled at Eri. "Thank you. I think...it's going to take all of us a little while to get used to seeing you with anyone else. But what matters is that you're happy."

She nodded and blushed. 

He turned to the rest of them. "We all know how things stand now. If any of you want to discuss the topic further with the owner, wait until you are alone, alright? And try to be considerate of each other's feelings. Including hers. Do we agree?"

Everyone nodded...except for Lance, whose expression had become increasingly sour. 

"Eri," he said. "Do you sincerely want this...this _sharing arrangement_? Or do you just not have the courage to reject the rest of us outright?" 

"I would never lie about something like this! And I'm not rejecting you!"

"As long as we agree to be in your _harem_."

"I-" Eri felt like she'd been dealt a physical blow. When he put it like that, it sounded so sordid. Was she being cruel and perverted, to demand such a thing of the people she loved? 

"Hey," said Red, putting a supportive hand on her shoulder and glaring at Lance. "Don't-"

"Eri has been faced with an impossible situation," said Tei. "We may not like this solution very much, but I haven't seen any of you suggest anything better."

"I suppose it doesn't matter," said Lance. "If you date one of them or all of them, if it's not me, I don't..." He closed his eyes. "Do you still wish to spend time with any of us who are just _family_ , or will you prioritise your boyfriend." He added in a mutter "...or boyfriends..."

"Oh," said Eri. "I hadn't really thought about that...."

"She should spend more time with her boyfriend," said Red. "That's how dating works." She saw a look of pain cross the face of every doll except Red. That wouldn't do. 

"I will prioritise you all the same," said Eri, firmly. "I don't want anyone to feel left out."

"Oh," said Red. Was he _really_ ok with it, or did he just not understand what she was asking for?

"Good," said Lance. "Then can you wait a moment? I have something to send everyone." He took out his phone.

"What are you doing?" said Red, in a sharp tone. "Is it some sort of maths formula to divide us up into fractions?"

Lance ignored him and frowned in concentration as his fingers rearranged something on the screen, and then typed out a message. A moment later Eri felt a notification buzz on her phone, and heard everyone else's phone buzz too. There was an email from Lance, and attached to it...some sort of spreadsheet.

"Oh my God, it _is_ a maths formula," said Red, scrolling through the numbered and coloured boxes with a look of disbelief.

"It's a schedule," said Lance, irritably. "I constructed it yesterday after seeing how poorly we all handled a less structured approach. Everyone gets one day a week with Eri, and she gets two days to herself to spend as she pleases. The specific days cycle so that we all get at least one weekend day a month, and I have done my best to incorporate everyone's availabilities. Does this strike everyone as satisfactory?" 

A schedule? Could that really...work? Eri nodded, still looking through the way Lance had divided up her days. It felt very strange, to make everything so formal, but if it stopped everyone arguing...

"Wow," said Yeonho. "This is really clever, Lance. I think it's a great idea."

"Thank you for taking into account my work days," said Tei. "I'll let you know if they change." 

"Why does Red get to be first?" said Yuri. "I'm not sure I like this. Being boxed into a schedule, it's very unromantic." When no-one else agreed with him, he pouted. "But I suppose I can put up with it."

"I edited it so that Red...has her today," said Lance, seeming to struggle a little with the words. "It seemed logical."

"Huh," said Red, looking at the schedule again more closely. "Thanks. I guess...I guess it's not such a bad idea. What do you think, Eri?"

"I think Lance is being incredibly kind," said Eri, her heart full of love, for Lance and for Red and for all of them. "And I appreciate it very much."


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've put a specific warning in the end-notes since it spoils the plot of the chapter.

"Are you really sure you don't mind?"

Red paused at the door and turned to smile down at her. "I think you asked that already."

Eri looked up at him seriously. "I know. But I'm asking again. It's important. I don't want to hurt you." Could he really be ok sharing her, even if only in principle? It seemed the others couldn't accept her feelings, which is what she'd expected. But that didn't mean her feelings for them had gone away. 

Red grabbed her hand and pulled her into her room, then shut the door. Despite her worry, her heart skipped a beat to know they were alone together, and Red's hand felt big and warm and strong in hers. "Being with you is better than ok. I'm not even a little bit hurt. I'm _super duper happy_."

He did look happy. Eri was happy too, as cautious hope slowly turned to relieved joy. 

"Lance's little schedule says today is just for you and me," said Red, "And I don't want to waste a minute more of it on you worrying about me. I'm fine. Ok?" 

"Ok," said Eri, grabbing his other hand and squeezing it. A day just for the two of them... "Then what do you want to do with our day?"

"Well..." said Red, stepping closer, and swinging their hands gently. "If you would be ok with it...I'd like to kiss you." 

Eri's heart felt warm and she smiled at him shyly. "I think I might like that."

"Oh you might, huh?" he said, softly, bending down closer. "I guess I'll just have to check..."

He kissed her, just a gentle touch of his lips to hers, but she felt her whole body go warm, and her skin tingled. He was so handsome, and she loved him so much. And he'd accepted her, somehow, when she'd thought herself beyond the possibility of being loved.

"How was that?" he whispered. 

"Nice," she said. "I think I wouldn't mind doing it again."

"Good." He kissed her again, and then put his arms around her. She sighed against him. And then his arms tightened and lifted her up off the ground, spinning the two of them in a circle that made her feel dizzy and delighted. She giggled, a little weak at the knees, as he gently placed her back on the ground.

"I love you so much!" said Red. "And I missed you _so much_!!"

"Me too," said Eri, resting her head against him. 

"I wasn't the one who..." Red stopped. "Oh, wow. I did vanish, didn't I?"

"Yeah..." said Eri. "Oh, you must have felt the same when I vanished as I did when you ran away...that didn't occur to me before."

"Me either. Wow. Because I felt really bad. I'm so sorry I hurt you like that."

"But you were hurting too," said Eri. "That's why you left."

Red's eyes were sad for a moment, then he shook his head, like a dog shaking off water. "Well, we're both here now! No more sad thoughts! Only happy thoughts!"

"Right!" said Eri, not wanting to dwell on the pain of her past either. "Happy thoughts! Like..." She frowned seriously as she pondered. "Oh! Do you think we should all go watch the fireworks together tomorrow night? I was going to go with Soi and Shinbi, but I think it would be nice for all of us to go together, and Soi and Shinbi won't mind."

"Fireworks?!" said Red. "Yes, that sounds amazing! I remember you telling us about them last year. They sounded really cool!" That's right, back then they'd still all been ball-jointed-dolls... How strange it was to think that that had only been a year ago. So much had changed since then.

"Oh, but I should check the schedule!" said Eri. She'd been so excited to spend today with Red that she'd lost track of what was scheduled for the rest of the week. She reached for her phone. 

"It's your life, you should get to decide how you spend it," said Red. He moved his hand as if to snatch the phone from her hand, but didn't actually do it. 

She waved him away and brought up the file Lance had sent. "And I choose to follow the schedule," she said, scrolling through it. "Though if I'm scheduled with someone else I might ask- oh, but it's ok! If I'm reading this right, I get to spend tomorrow however I like!" She smiled up at Red. "So we can see the fireworks. I'll just message Soi to cancel." She sat on the edge of the bed and started typing. Red sat next to her and patiently waited. Eri typed, "Sorry to cancel but is it ok if I see the fireworks with Red?" She probably shouldn't mention that the rest of the HOT5 would be there as well. 

Soi's reply was immediate. "FINE ABANDON US FOR A MAN. U guys ok now?"

"Yeah," typed Eri. "We're doing well ^_^ Thanks for your advice it really helped!"

"Of course it did," replied Soi. Eri laughed. 

"She says it's ok," said Eri. She went back to her contact list. "I should ask the others..."

"Or....." said Red, looking at the ceiling. "You could...kiss me...again..."

That did sound pretty appealing. Kiss him, huh....

She put her phone down, then placed her hands on either side of Red's face. His cheeks were warm, and his eyes were full of love. He looked down at her and blushed. She pulled his head towards her, and leaned up, and their lips met. She opened her mouth slightly, and he pressed closer, his hands gently brushing along her shoulders and cradling her back. He was so warm and comforting against her. His lips moved against hers and their kiss deepened and she felt a familiar heat building within her. She hadn't been sure she'd ever experience this sort of closeness again. She ran her hand up his thigh and let out a small, high gasp, to let him know how happy she was. Red groaned, and pushed closer, and she let herself fall back onto the bed, floating on a wave of anticipation. But instead of following her down Red just looked at her in surprise. 

"Uh," he said. "Wow. I..." He was breathing fast and looking at her like she was some strange mystical creature that had unexpectedly replaced his girlfriend.

Because...she'd never done anything like that with him before. She and Red had only kissed very chastely, but she'd gotten mixed up by her memories of other worlds and expected something more. What was was wrong with her? Here was Red, innocently expressing his affection, and she'd been so overcome by crude thoughts that she'd effectively _forgotten who he was_. 

Eri was mortified, and pulled herself back up and covered her face. "I'm sorry!"

"Why are you sorry?" said Red. "Are you ok? Did we...uh, move too fast?"

"Mmm," she said, feeling her cheeks burn with shame. 

"Then _I'm_ sorry. I didn't mean to pressure you or anything!"

"You didn't!" she said. If Red had actually been the one to initiate things, she wouldn't have minded. But their first time, when it happened, should be romantic and special. Not something she initiated out of habit without even _thinking_. "It was...I..." She couldn't explain. She wanted to be honest, she really did, but..."It's too embarrassing!"

"I don't understand," said Red, with a slightly pained expression. "But ok." He gently brushed his hand over the top of her head. It was comforting, but also...he was touching her, and that made her think about other ways he could touch her, and she felt like the most indecently shameless girl in the world. He was just trying to be _supportive_. She tensed up and he moved away and she felt even worse. Red smiled at her gently. "Do you want to go out and ask the others about the fireworks, then?"

It would be good to have a distraction, from Red and her complex feelings about what she wanted to do with him. It had been easier to act appropriately before, when her attraction to him had been muddled by ignorance and inexperience. "But I'm supposed to spend the day with you!"

"Yeah, but I'm not going to lock you in a room with me for the _whole day_ ," said Red. "That would be weird."

Tei and Yeonho wouldn't have considered it weird. And Lance and Yuri wouldn't have hesitated to take things with Eri as far as she was willing to go. But Red wasn't Tei, or Yeonho, or Yuri, or Lance. Red was Red, and she needed to appreciate him for the man he was. 

"You're so kind," she said. "I'm sorry I'm being weird."

Red shrugged. "It's not like I'm never weird."

"Yes, but..." She stopped herself. All this self pity was just making Red feel unhappy, and taking away from their day together. She stood up and nodded at him decisively. "Ok, we'll go ask the others," she said. "And then..." She tried to think of something they could do as a couple, something nice that wouldn't allow for things to get more heated than she was ready to deal with right now. She managed to dredge up a vague memory from before everything went strange. "Wasn't there a lollipop place you wanted to show me?"

Red's eyes went wide. "You remembered..." he said. He kissed her forehead and laughed. "Yeah, let's go!" Somehow, despite everything, she could still make him happy. She smiled up at him, her heart light, and took his hand.

* * *

Yuri had never been more relieved to escape to his room. Red and Eri were so visibly happy together it made him want to cry. Tei was still discussing food options with Eri for their Fun Family Picnic tomorrow, so Yuri stretched out onto the whole of the bed and mechanically refreshed twinter until he got got sick of seeing the same posts over and over. After that he blankly watched random recommended videos, a parade of magical girl transformations and jazz covers and porn that evoked no emotional reaction but an empty melancholy.

It had been easier when he'd assumed that Eri and Red were just making out. For all his many flaws, Red was, objectively, quite handsome, in a boyish sort of way. Yuri had spun out a reassuring fantasy of Eri sleeping with Red a few times, then getting bored, and realising how much better off she'd been with Yuri. 

But no. They'd been _talking about their relationship_ and _making plans for the family_. They made a disturbingly effective team, two sunny-faced teenagers full of optimism and good nature who just wanted to make everyone around them was happy. Now that he'd actually seen them as a couple, Yuri could understand why Eri had fallen in love with Red, and couldn't deny that she was genuinely in love with him now. 

She wasn't going to leave Red for Yuri. She'd left Yuri for Red. And she wasn't coming back. 

Tei came in at last, then quickly shut the door behind him. "Turn down your sound," he said. "I understand needing a diversion, but try to have some discretion."

"Hmm?" Yuri looked at his phone and realised it was playing a rather loud video involving a girl and large number of men. He turned off the sound, and stared sadly at the silent figures for a moment as they went through the motions of love. The girl looked a little like Eri. Did she have a boyfriend? One of the men, perhaps? Were they happy together? Did he mind that he had to share her with their workmates? Yuri sighed and looked up at Tei. "So are you done setting up a nice romantic evening for Eri and Red?"

"I doubt it will be very romantic with all of us there. And it's all I can do for her right now."

Yuri frowned and went back to watching his phone, with the sound set a little lower this time. But it just made him depressed, so he chose a music video from the sidebar to watch instead. 

"Move over," said Tei, picking up the book he'd been buried in since breakfast. Something thick and literary, from the looks of things. Typical Tei. "And put in some headphones." 

"How are you dealing with it so well?" said Yuri. He'd been tensed, waiting for Tei to have a breakdown, but he seemed _fine_. It was almost a little disappointing, at least dealing with Tei would give Yuri something to do.

Tei laughed darkly. "I'm just more used to hiding my emotions than you are." 

"Well excuse me for being emotionally honest," said Yuri. "And I..." His honest emotions threatened to overwhelm him, so he took refuge in disdain. "I can't believe it's _him_. That cherry boy...he has no class, no _wit_. She deserves better than to be pawed over by that puppy. I'd almost rather she'd chosen you."

"She didn't choose Red," said Tei. "She chose not to choose. He's just the only one of us who can stand it."

"Because he's too stupid to realise what it means," said Yuri. "It would wipe that goofy smile off his face if he had to watch her with someone else." 

"But he won't," said Tei. He put a bookmark in his book and stared up at the ceiling. "Lucky him." 

Yuri turned to look at Tei. His hands were shaking slightly. "So you're not going to..."

"Share?" Tei's voice cracked. "With _Red_?" He shook his head and let out a weak sigh. Neither of them said anything for a while, and then Tei looked down at his hands and forced his voice to become more even. "It's better this way. He's a sweet boy. He makes her happy. He won't hurt her."

"He's harmless enough," said Yuri. "But can he make her heart race the way I do? Can he sweep her off her feet?"

"Probably not," said Tei. "So why don't you? Aren't you used to sharing?"

"I _was_ used to being _shared_ ," said Yuri. "But she changed something in me. Suddenly, I couldn't be with anyone but her, and I couldn't stand to see her even look at anyone but me." 

"So what are you going to do?" said Tei.

Yuri had been thinking about it all day, and he had only one answer. "Suffer." 

Tei laughed. Heartless bastard. "Well, you won't be alone," he said, patting Yuri on the shoulder. It was probably meant ironically, but actually felt a little comforting. 

"Ha," said Yuri. "Yes, that's one consolation. Lance looked like he'd swallowed a lemon. And I doubt little Yeonho is happy either." Yuri shook his head ruefully. "Who'd have expected our Eri to want such an outrageous thing." 

"She's always full of surprises." Tei's voice was fond, but sad. Yuri was overcome by a sense of fellow-feeling. Until now, Yuri had seen Tei as a rival, and a danger to Eri. But now they were both just two powerless losers who'd been left behind by the woman they loved. 

Yuri opened his mouth to say something, and his voice came out as a weak croak. To his horror, he realised he was crying. He sniffed and tried to look natural as he got up to grab a tissue from the box on the desk and wipe his eyes before Tei could see. How humiliating. 

"Yuri." Tei's voice was soft. "Would you like a hug? Or would you rather I pretended I didn't notice?" 

"Trying to get into my pants again, you slime-ball?" said Yuri not turning around. 

"No," said Tei. "Crying men aren't really my thing." 

Yuri tried to subtly blow his nose, then threw the tissues in the trash and smoothed out his bangs before turning around to give Tei his best nonchalant sneer. "I'm not a little boy needing a hug from his mother."

Tei laughed. "Yuri," he said. " _You_ may think of me as your mother, but I never have."

Yuri didn't actually think of Tei as his mother, to the extent that he could imagine having such a thing. And the idea of getting a hug from him was unsettling and appealing in equal measure. But...it would be something. A distraction from the loneliness.

"Fine," said Yuri, sitting on the edge of the bed. "Hug away."

Tei put aside his book and sat up, moving next to Yuri on the edge of the bed. He held Yuri in his arms and gently brushed his fingers across Yuri's hair, and rubbed his back. It was a little embarrassing how good it felt. Yuri was still entirely miserable, but Tei's warmth gave him enough comfort to at least stop feeling like he was about to burst into tears again.

"I thought she'd pick me," he said, softly, against Tei's shoulder, not sure if he wanted Tei to actually hear. "Deep down...I thought she'd realise I was the one."

"I suppose I'm lucky I hate myself so much," said Tei, his tone light. "I was quite sure she wouldn't pick me. This is almost a relief. I can finally let go of that last piece of hope."

That didn't sound all that much better.

"What do we do?" said Yuri.

"Keep going," said Tei, his strong fingers gentle against Yuri's back. "She still needs us. She still _loves_ us, for as much good as that will do anyone."

"It doesn't feel like she still loves me," said Yuri. 

Tei laughed weakly. "I'm trying to forget it," he said, his false cheer starting to crack. "I need to just be her friend, and...and it's so hard..."

He trembled, slightly. Yuri put his arms around him and squeezed tight. 

"Ouch," said Tei, flatly.

Yuri lightened his hold a little, but didn't let go. They just sat there for a while, two dolls feeling bereft of their master's love, with no comfort but the knowledge that they weren't alone.

Tei was very warm, and a lot nicer to hold and be held by than Yuri would have been inclined to expect. He smelled good, too, even though Yuri knew he only used boring old man body products and barely bothered to exfoliate. 

Not for the first time, a possibility occurred to Yuri, and this time it refused to be denied. It had been horrifying before, but now...

Yuri felt Tei's back beneath his hands and thought about what it would be like to touch without any fabric in the way. He looked at Tei's lips and thought about what it would be like to kiss them. And then he whispered into Tei's ear before he lost his nerve. "Would a distraction help?"

Tei pulled away and looked at him in surprise. So he really _hadn't_ been trying to seduce Yuri. And yet. "What?" said Tei. "You we pretty clear before on not being interested."

Which wasn't a no. 

"I was saving myself for her," said Yuri. "But it's pointless now. And with anyone else...I'd feel overburdened by everything I had to leave unsaid. But you and I know where we stand."

"Yes, we do," said Tei. He stared at Yuri for a moment, and then moved his hand slowly from the back of Yuri's head to run along his jaw, and brushed his thumb gently across his lips. There was no desperation this time, only a melancholy calm.

Yuri opened his lips and slowly sucked Tei's thumb into his mouth, gently scraping his teeth along the skin. Tei's eyes opened wider and he took in a soft breath. 

A part of Yuri screamed that this was wrong, that he shouldn't do this with anyone but Eri. But when he had been with her, a part of him had screamed that he should be making himself available to any woman who wanted him. It seemed he could never be entirely happy. Maybe all he could do was keep himself busy.

Yuri released Tei's thumb with a final suck of his tongue, and considered the man in front of him. He knew Tei as well as he knew anyone other than Eri, but not this side of him. Not yet.

A tiny, repressed part of Yuri had missed this, missed the excitement and uncertainty of a new lover, even missed the freedom of being with someone he felt little obligation to beyond the here and now.

Yuri leaned forward and drew Tei into a kiss. At first Tei responded with a gentle, yielding caution, but then his mouth became hard and needy, and his hands started pulling at Yuri's clothes to get to his skin. It wasn't anything like kissing Eri, or even kissing other women before her, Yuri didn't feel that sense of _this is what you were made to do_. But he couldn't do what he was made to do any more, and there was something satisfying about doing the exact opposite: if he had to fail, why not fail completely? There was something compelling about Tei, too, with his mixture of soft warmth and sharp toxic edges. Tei did something with his fingernails on the back of Yuri's neck and Yuri let out out a short groan, fingers scrabbling to pull open Tei's buttons. Tei pulled away with a soft cry, and rested his head on Yuri's shoulder.

"Are you alright?" said Yuri, trying not to reveal how breathless he was already. Was he really this into _Tei_? He'd been crying over Eri literally minutes ago. And if he let himself stop to think, his heart still ached for her. But other parts ached distractingly for Tei. 

"I've never done this with anyone...anyone else before," said Tei. Anyone other than _her_. 

"I thought you distracted yourself with a girl," said Yuri, very aware of the alluring stretch of Tei's stomach revealed by the unbuttoned section of his shirt. If they stopped, Yuri would never get to find out how it felt, and would be alone in his own head again. 

Tei let out a pained laugh. "I couldn't bear to touch her."

But he could bear to touch Yuri- because Yuri was a man? Or because he'd lost hope? Yuri forced himself to move away slightly. "We don't have to do this."

Tei raised his head. "I want to." He leaned up and gently bit the lobe of Yuri's ear, demanding Yuri's attention with a sharp and pleasant pain. "So take me."

" _Take_ you?" said Yuri, with a surprised laugh. What a way to put it. And anyway, he'd always read Tei as the dominant type. But this was quite satisfactory. He pulled open the rest of Tei's buttons and placed his hand against the skin beneath, feeling the relentless beat of Tei's heart under the smooth perfection of his chest. 

Tei sighed. "Giving you control seems...safer." Tei was worried about hurting Yuri? That was actually a little sweet, in a horrifying, Tei sort of way. 

"Then by all means, let's keep things safe," said Yuri, and he pulled off his shirt.

Yuri kissed into Tei's mouth as he pulled Tei's arms back and stripped off his shirt. Tei pulled away, moving further back onto the bed, and Yuri followed.

But looking at Tei's face staring up at him from the familiar pillows, Yuri was stopped in his tracks by a stray memory, from before. Eri had come with Yuri to help him pack up his things to take into her room. She'd made fun of him for being such a slob as they'd tried to sort the mess of his things into some sort of order. And then the neat piles she'd made on the bed all got mixed together when they'd ended up making out, laughing as a pile of Yuri's underwear fell on Eri's head. Yuri had been overcome by how happy she made him, and... 

He felt Tei's hand upon his shoulder. "Are you still with me?" Tei was looking up at him with a curious smile, somehow reminding Yuri of Eri and yet looking nothing like her at all. 

Yuri tried to be in the moment, to forget Eri and focus on the person he was with, but he couldn't. 

"This...this is wrong," he said. "I belong to _her_." Yet he didn't move away. He just stayed frozen in the act of laying himself on top of Tei, their bodies a moment from touching. 

Tei fingers lightly trembled against Yuri's skin. "I know," he said. "I should hate this." He looked away, eyes hazy. "To want anyone but her is a betrayal, a defilement. I should only..."

Somehow, knowing that Tei felt the same way made it easier. 

Yuri let himself move closer, warmed by the heat between them. "This doesn't mean anything," he said, putting his hand to Tei's cheek. "It's not a betrayal. It doesn't hurt her. You're still her doll and always will be." 

Tei turned his head to stare at Yuri for a moment, and then he smiled. Not one of his fake smiles, but something frail and genuine. His fingers brushed over Yuri's neck. "And so are you." They stared at each other for a little while longer, and then Tei pulled Yuri down into a kiss. 

Things progressed more smoothly after that for a while. Yuri still had moments of self doubt and melancholy but was swept along by their mutual desire, and need for escape.

Somehow Tei ended up on top, because of course he did, and Yuri was taking the opportunity to pull off his incredibly bland underwear to get the the rather more appealing body beneath. _Why_ it was appealing...maybe Yuri was bisexual now? Whatever, everyone was bisexual these days. He could worry about that later. 

Meanwhile Tei was gratifyingly eager, for all his claims to only have eyes for Eri he certainly seemed to have hands and so forth for Yuri.

"Hmm," said Yuri, running a finger down Tei's back. "I suppose I'm still your teacher for another month...maybe we should wait."

Tei nodded. "Now that you mention it," he said, breathless, "We should we wait until I'm twenty."

Yuri blinked up at him. "...the age of consent is twenty..." It wasn't something he'd had to think about much before: since he'd pursued women of independent means, they'd generally been on the older side. 

"Yes?" said Tei. "It seems a little late to worry about that, though. And if it helps, I've never really thought of myself as a teenager."

Yuri had never really thought of him as one either, but that wasn't the point. "You bastard," said Yuri, poking Tei in the side. "You forced me to wait until my thirty days was up before you'd let me so much as _look_ at Eri." 

"I did? Oh, poor Mr Yuri." Tei looked infuriatingly pleased with himself.

Yuri muttered "I should take the chance to have my revenge." 

"Please be gentle, Mr Yuri," said Tei, sounding about as respectful as he had as Yuri's actual student: which is to say, not at all. 

"I'm not sure you deserve it," said Yuri, lightly slapping Tei's ass. "Have you been a good boy?" 

"Definitely not," said Tei with a grin, as he pulled his underwear off entirely. 

_No you haven't_ , thought Yuri, but his mixed emotions regarding Tei were drowned out by his reaction to seeing him naked. Damn. Definitely bisexual, then. 

"Come here for your punishment, then, you dirty boy," said Yuri. 

Tei went still for a moment and Yuri felt strangely reluctant to continue. But then Tei lay himself down on the bed next to Yuri and said, "Am I really dirty?" Maybe he just wanted to Yuri to take the lead again. 

Yuri rolled over to face Tei and licked a line down his chest. "Very," he said, with a final wet kiss, "And about to get a whole lot dirtier." He grabbed at Tei's hips. "Maybe a little bit broken, too, if you don't do as you're told." Tei made a strange noise, and went very still. He was still breathing heavily, but it sounded more pained than excited. 

Was something wrong?

Yuri tilted his head up to examine Tei's expression. It wasn't good. Tei's eyes had gone glassy and unfocussed, and his mouth had gone slack, like he was so far inside his own head he wasn't emoting at all. Yuri's desire snuffed out like a flame in snow. Had _he_ hurt _Tei_? Yuri moved off Tei and lay next to him, taking his hand. It was cold and limp. 

"Tei?" said Yuri.

"Please don't..." said Tei, in a weak whisper. He looked _scared_. 

Yuri thought back over what he'd been saying and doing, to try and figure out what had set off this reaction. Had he hit some sort of psychological button? There was only one thing he could think of. "Tei...I'm not actually going to break you," said Yuri. He knew that, right?

Tei's voice was trembling like a leaf. "But I...I'm _dirty_." The way he said the word "dirty" made it sound like the worst possible thing to be. What a weird word to get hung up on. But that was Tei: weird. And Yuri had signed up for rolling with Tei's weirdness when he initiated this.

"You're not dirty," said Yuri. "And you don't deserve to be hurt." He wasn't much good at comforting people, and under other circumstances would happily have described Tei as much worse things than "dirty". But Yuri understood his responsibility to help a partner down when they'd gotten into a bad mental space because of something Yuri had done. 

"But I've done...so many terrible things," said Tei. "I'm broken, and disgusting." That wasn't entirely untrue, but feeding Tei's self-hatred wasn't going to help anyone. Yuri struggled for what to say.

"You're...flawed," he said. "But so am I. So is everyone."

"You're not broken," said Tei. "You're perfect." 

Under other circumstances, hearing Tei say that would be delightful, but right now it was disturbing. "I _know_ you don't believe that," said Yuri. "And you're not disgusting."

Tei shook his head. He'd come back to himself a little, but still looked miserable.

"Come here," said Yuri. "I owe you a hug, right? Unless it's too uncomfortable..."

"No, I...it's fine." Yuri stretched out his arms and Tei leaned against him, very still. 

Yuri wasn't sure what to say next, so just held him, and gave his shoulders a squeeze. After a while Tei's breathing evened out and the tight ball of worry in Yuri's chest unclenched a little. 

"I'm sorry I thought you...you were like me," said Tei. "I know you wouldn't actually hurt me, I just..."

"Tei, you obviously weren't thinking clearly," said Yuri. "I don't know what button I hit in that weird head of yours, but I'm sure you didn't _choose_ to react that way, so I'm hardly going to blame you for it."

Tei's voice was weak and uncertain, such a change from his happy confidence from moments ago. "Why are you being so kind to me? You hate me."

"What?" said Yuri. Did Tei really think Yuri _hated_ him? "I don't do this sort of thing with people I hate." 

"Why not?" said Tei. "Why wouldn't you hate me?"

"I don't know," said Yuri, then realised that was probably not the most appropriate response. He poked at his still turbulent feelings towards the man in his arms. "You're...not all bad. Whatever might be going on in your head, in practice you're generally kind, and doing your best not to hurt anyone. And you do a better job of caring for the other boys than I do. Most of the time I can barely manage to be civil."

"You feel bad about that?"

"Sometimes," muttered Yuri. Tei didn't have to sound so surprised. "Anyway, the point isn't whether _I'm_ a good person. The point is that you....you're mostly good. You have some bad parts, and they're...pretty bad. But...it averages out ok." 

"I don't think it works that way," said Tei. "But thank you for saying so." 

The lay there for a while quietly. Yuri played a little with Tei's hair. It was a terrible haircut, but it did feel nice. Eventually Tei pulled away, and lay on his back, looking up at the ceiling with a frown. 

"You feeling ok now?" said Yuri.

"Mmm," said Tei. He did seem better: melancholy, but not trapped inside his head like he had been before. 

"Then I just want say how I feel honestly," said Yuri. "So you understand." Tei turned to look at him, and Yuri tried to put his thoughts into words. "You _are_ kind of a shitty person," he said. "Not as bad as you seem to think you are, but there's some _significant_ room for improvement."

Tei gave a thin smile. He didn't seem upset or surprised. "Do you feel better for getting that off your chest?"

"A little," said Yuri. "But...Tei. I really _don't_ hate you. Maybe I should. But I don't. I want you to understand that." 

Tei stared at him, cool and thoughtful. "I don't hate you either," he said, softly. Yuri hadn't really thought he did, at least not for a while. But...it was still nice to hear.

"Do you want to tell me what was up with you before?" said Yuri.

"No," said Tei. "Not now, anyway."

"Your decision," said Yuri. If he had that sort of weakness he'd probably be reluctant to tell people about it too. He leered. "Then I suppose I'll just have to be a little more gentle next time, as much as I think it would be good for you to be held down and sexily punished." 

"How do you say things like that with a straight face?" said Tei, with a pained smile.

"Are you going to pretend you don't like it?"

Tei snorted. "Further proof that I have terrible judgement," he said. He sat up and reached for his underwear, then sighed as he started to put it back on. "Are you sure you want there to be a next time?"

A good question. Yuri thought about it.

"Yes," he said, a little surprised at how certain he felt. "I also have terrible judgement. And, it turns out, truly _appalling_ taste in men."

"Something we have in common," said Tei, keeping his head turned away. 

Yuri felt something warm bloom in his chest. "We could try again now," he said. "If you're feeling up for it."

Tei shook his head. "Sorry. I'm going to start preparing food for tomorrow."

So Yuri would be alone again. All the sadness he'd been avoiding started to creep back. He heard himself say, "Can I help?"

Tei turned to look at him then, eyes wide with surprise. "You're offering to help me cook?"

"I wasn't given any food related skills in my concept," said Yuri "So I don't know how much actual help I'd be. But...I need something to do."

Tei's lips formed a gentle smile. "Alright," he said. And then his eyes crinkled happily. "But you have to do as you're told, and call me Mr Tei." Yuri wouldn't have jumped to sexy role-play so soon after being set off the way Tei had just been, but Tei wasn't Yuri. 

"Yes, Mr Tei," said Yuri. Tei's eyes lit up. "Oh did you like that?" said Yuri, very aware that he was still entirely naked. "Is there anything else you'd like, Mr Tei?"

Tei swept his eyes over Yuri with a considering expression. "Hmm. Well, you'd be easier to keep in line if I tied you up. And if you wore a gag..."

"Uh," said Yuri. Bondage was fine in principle, but only with a partner who was reliably safe, sane and consensual, all things Tei had a patchy history with. And...did this mean he'd done things like that with Eri? Yuri had taken a gentle, cautious approach with her, naively thinking they had all the time in the world to explore these things together. _Don't think about Eri_ he told himself. Especially with Tei. Thinking of the two of them together made Yuri feel an uncomfortable mixture of emotions.

Then Tei laughed and Yuri realised he was being messed with. 

"At least buy me flowers first," said Yuri. 

"I'll see what I can do," said Tei, picking up his shirt and starting to do the buttons back up. "But for now, out of bed, lazybones. You've got onions to chop."

"Onions?" said Yuri, moving to the edge of the bed. "With my delicate skin?"

Tei stepped forward and put his finger on Yuri's lips. "Kitchen-boys don't get to complain about what tasks their masters assign them."

Yuri let out an outraged cough. Sexy roleplaying was all well and good, but there were limits. "You're not my master," he said. 

"No, I'm not," said Tei. "But will I do for now?"

Yuri sighed and pulled himself off the bed. First his fiancé chose another man, now his would-be-lover had him chopping onions. Hadn't he cried enough today? But somehow, he didn't feel as bad as he had before. "Yeah," he said. "You'll do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content note: Mildly kinky sex/making out setting off a trauma trigger.


	9. Chapter 9

Red stood at the edge of the roof, looking out at the view, which was clear out to nearly the middle of the city. "Yeonho, how did you find this place?"

Yeonho laughed. "A friend told me about it. She used to work here, but then she died in a car accident, and..."

"Oh," said Eri. "Uh. Is she here now?"

Yeonho kept hoping that repeated exposure would make Eri a little less nervous around ghosts, but she was still visibly anxious, and grabbed onto Red's arm. Yeonho forced his gaze elsewhere.

"Yes!" said Yeonho, gesturing towards his friend. "Red, Eri, this is Hyeonju!"

Hyeonju waved awkwardly.

"Uh, hi!" said Red, completely failing to face in the right direction.

"It's nice to meet you, Hyeonju," said Eri, still not letting go of Red's arm. "Thank you for helping us find this place to watch the fireworks."

Hyeonju bowed, smiling, and told Yeonho she was glad to meet the famous Eri after all this time. Yeonho tried not to blush visibly. He couldn't tell his living friends about the situation with Eri, it was all too complicated, so he'd complained to Hyeonju instead. She'd been very understanding, and was currently commenting that Red was far less handsome than Yeonho. It made him feel a little better about himself, even if he had to stifle a laugh. 

"She, um, says you're welcome, and is glad to meet you both," said Yeonho. Hyeonju whispered an aside into his ear, though only he could hear her. "Oh...but she's feeling a bit shy, and might sit by herself for a while." Hyeonju had apparently been just as shy when she was alive. She'd pined after a girl in her office for years, too afraid to make a move, and even now that it was too late she still watched from afar, unable to let go. Yeonho understood the feeling.

"Ok!" said Eri. "But she...you can sit with us if you want, Hyeonju!" Considering how afraid Eri was of ghosts, it was a very kind gesture. But Eri was always kind.

"She's already gone," said Yeonho.

"Well..if she comes back, tell her she's welcome," said Eri, trying to hide her relief.

"Yeah!" said Red. "I've never eaten with a ghost before!"

"Yes you have, lots of times," said Yeonho. "You just didn't notice."

Red stared at him, dumfounded, and Yeonho laughed. 

The faint remains of the sunset faded completely, and the stars started to twinkle in the cold, clear sky. 

"I wonder what's taking the others so long," said Eri, smoothing out the picnic blanket again and fiddling with a lock of her hair. She looked lovely in the moonlight, like a goddess from some romantic myth. 

"Did you see the pile of food Yeonho and Tei made?" said Red. "I took as much as I could, and I barely made a dent!"

"It wasn't _that_ much," said Yeonho. Ok, perhaps he and Tei had gotten a _little_ carried away. But it was the first time the whole household had done anything like this as a group, and they'd both wanted to make it special. "And Yuri helped as well." It would be more accurate to say that Yuri had _tried_ to help, then gotten frustrated at how much slower he was than Yeonho and Tei and gone to sulk in his room. Still, that was more help than he'd ever offered before. 

"And Tei went to the store for more!" said Eri. "How much food can we need?"

"It wouldn't be a...picnic...without...food..." said Yuri, as he appeared at the top of the stairs, carrying several bulging bags and a little out of breath. He dropped the bags to the ground with a ragged sigh. "At least, that's what Tei kept saying. You'll notice he left it to me to actually carry it all."

"Weren't you the one boasting about how strong you were?" said Lance, a few steps behind with his own collection of bags. "If you wish to take it back..."

"I am _incredibly_ strong," said Yuri. "But my strength is not suited for this sort of brute manual labour." He leaned against the doorframe and leered. "Now if I was carrying a beautiful woman..."

Unable to throw anything at him, Lance hit Yuri in the shin with one of his bags.

"Hey!" said Yuri. "I slaved over a hot stove to cook that, you ungrateful brat!"

"Come over here and help put it out," said Eri. "Did you have any trouble finding your way here? I expected you to arrive first, since you drove."

"And I'd have been happy to take you too, my honey," said Yuri. "And even your little friend there."

"Her _boy_ friend," muttered Red, though softly enough that Yeonho was probably the only one who heard it. Red and Eri had walked here together, to nobody's surprise. Yeonho had gone ahead of everyone to make sure Hyeonju was ready for visitors, since she'd spent so many years alone. 

"That idiot teacher...sorry, _waiter_ got lost," said Lance, methodically unpacking his bags onto the picnic blanket. "Even though I told him he was going the wrong way."

"The route that _boy_ suggested is only usable by pedestrians," said Yuri. "He doesn't understand the complexities of navigating the road system as a driver."

"Hmmph," said Lance. 

"Thanks for helping out with bringing everything," said Eri. "It looks great."

"Uh...yeah! Thanks!" said Red. "I really appreciate it!"

"You do?" said Lance.

"Yes?" said Red.

Lance frowned at him for a moment, as if unable to mentally process the experience of Red being nice to him. "Then...you're welcome," he said, stiffly. 

Was Red trying to make things easier for Lance, knowing that it must be hard to see Red dating the woman he loved? How thoughtful of him. Red had been nice to Yeonho, too, but he always was. Part of Yeonho wanted to hate Red, but he made it very difficult. Especially seeing how happy Eri was with him. She'd been so sad before, when she was trying to decide between them all. Yeonho didn't like that things had turned out this way, but at least she was happy now. And everyone seemed to be trying their hardest to make things work. Even Lance and Yuri had been relatively polite to each other, compared to normal.

Just as Eri and Yeonho had finished laying out the food bowls and plates, Tei arrived at last, holding a bunch of bags in one hand and in the other...a bunch of flowers? Bright yellow marigolds and purple hyacinths made for a visually appealing contrast, but Yeonho couldn't imagine why he'd bought them. 

Was he going to give the flowers to _Eri_? Had he decided to be with her after all?

Yeonho's heart started to beat faster with anxiety. 

When Red declared his willingness to be with Eri, Yeonho had still been getting his head around the fact that she wanted to date _all_ of them, and had been trying to imagine what it would be like to be with her, but know he couldn't keep her to himself. Seeing her with Red had been like a blow straight to Yeonho's heart, a wave of jealousy removing any faint hope that Yeonho could accept seeing her with someone other than himself. And since the others had seemed to feel the same way, Yeonho had decided it was easier to just forget that Eri hadn't simply chosen Red as her one and only boyfriend, the way Yeonho had always suspected she would. 

In the day or so since then, things had gotten a little easier. Eri loved Red in a way she couldn't love Yeonho any more, but Yeonho was still her doll, and her friend. He'd felt abandoned in the moment, but she hadn't forgotten him. She'd even seemed excited about the day they were going to spend together tomorrow, if not quite as excited as him. 

Yeonho was _very_ excited. The other boys were so much louder than him, he'd thought he was doomed to fade into the background. To have a whole day where Eri was _his_ , even if not quite in the way he wanted...Life wasn't as empty as he'd thought it would be. 

Part of him had wondered if, perhaps, once some time had passed, he might consider trying to be to Eri what he'd been before. Red was sweet, but he was a little simple, and while he clearly made Eri happy it wasn't impossible to imagine Eri missing Yeonho a little bit. To imagine being able to offer her something Red couldn't: intensity, perhaps, or insight. To imagine feeling like Yeonho was important to her, in a special way only he could be...

But that was when she was just with Red. If she was with Tei as well...Tei was just as intense as Yeonho, and twice as brilliant as Yeonho and Red put together. Tei was mature, and handsome, and good at everything. About the only thing Yeonho could do that Tei couldn't was sense the supernatural, and Eri found that scary. Yeonho was considered cute in a way Tei and Red didn't seem to be, but everyone knew that girls liked tall, mature, older guys. Guys like Tei.

Just as Yeonho was telling himself not to start hating Tei for following his heart, Tei handed the flowers to _Yuri_ , who looked as shocked as Yeonho felt.

"Here," said Tei. "Take care of these while I deal with the food."

Yuri just stood and stared at the flowers in his hands for a moment, and then he burst into laughter. "For me, Tei?" he said. "You shouldn't have."

"Do you want them to be for you?" said Tei with a smile. He always managed to roll with Yuri's jokes so smoothly. 

Yuri shrugged. "I won't say no if you're offering."

"Good," said Tei. He started rummaging around in one of the bags. "I also brought some kitchen twine."

Yuri coughed and muttered something that sounded like _barbarian_. 

"Why kitchen twine?" said Yeonho, confused. It made even less sense than the flowers.

"I'm sure I'll find a use for it," said Tei, with a sunny smile. "Now, who wants to help me serve the salad?"

How Yuri dealt with the flowers was by handing an especially pretty marigold to Eri, with a courteous bow, and then putting the rest of the flowers in an empty bowl in the middle of the blanket. It was a little unusual to have flowers at a picnic, especially in the middle of Winter, but they did create a nice air of elegance on the otherwise utilitarian roof.

Tei seemed a little distracted, his usual obsessive staring at Eri punctuated by an unusual number of surreptitious glances at Yuri. Had they had an argument or something? Was _that_ why Tei bought the flowers? Whatever the reason for Tei's inattention, Yeonho took it upon himself to take over the role of "mother", as Yuri would put it, serving the food and helping Eri to try to soothe any arguments that cropped up. Everyone was _trying_ to get along, but they didn't always quite succeed.

The end of the year drew closer, and Yeonho could feel the energy building around him. He'd sensed this sort of thing as a doll, but much more vaguely, and his mind had been simpler then, less able to really appreciate what was going on around him. He laughed and closed his eyes, enjoying the magic in the air. 

"You seem happy," said Eri, sitting next to him. 

He opened his eyes and smiled at her. "I am. I was just enjoying the energy of the year changing over."

"What does it feel like?"

"Endings and beginnings." 

"Ooh," said Eri. She closed her eyes for a moment, as if she was trying to sense it too. "Does it feel the same at Lunar New Year?"

"That's even more intense," said Yeonho. "At least, from what I remember. It'll be exciting to experience it as a human."

"We'll have to do...do another family thing for that, too," said Eri, with a slightly shaky smile.

Lunar New Year was for family. But Eri's parents never bothered to visit for these sorts of holidays, and her grandpa was dead. Yeonho put his arm around Eri and pulled her close. "We'll have an even bigger picnic," he said. "And we'll perform rites for your grandpa, and eat rice cake soup, and all get older together."

"Oh!" she said. "You'll get a year older! You've never celebrated that before! Are you excited about turning eighteen?"

As he was turning to answer her, he noticed Red watching them, looking a little uncomfortable. When their eyes met, Red looked away and blushed. _It's just a hug_ , thought Yeonho, grumpily. If seeing _that_ made Red jealous, how would he react if she ever started dating one of the others for real?

"I don't really think of myself as being the age it says on my ID," said Yeonho. "I mean, I was only made four years ago..."

She smiled. "Then are you excited to be turning six?"

"Heh," said Yeonho. "Almost old enough for kindergarten..."

"I always forget that you're older than me, if you think about it that way," said Red, smiling at Yeonho. "I guess you're the oldest of all of us!" Either he'd gotten over Yeonho holding Eri, or was doing a better job of hiding his discomfort.

"Manufacturing date is not the same thing as age," said Yuri, who had been manufactured the previous year. "Because I am clearly the oldest."

"I'm not so sure of that," said Lance. "You're definitely not the most mature."

"Maybe we should all be referring to Yeonho as our senior," said Tei, with a smile. 

"What do you think, Yeonho?" said Eri. If you defined age in terms of how long someone had existed, she was the oldest by more than a decade. But she was already their master, calling her "senior" would feel redundant. 

"Ehehehe," said Yeonho. "Yuri as my junior...I could tell him to do his homework..."

"It's not as if you ever did yours," sniffed Yuri. 

"Well, I would _much_ rather think of Red as eighteen than three," said Eri. But she was ok thinking of Yeonho as six? 

"Wouldn't I only be two?" said Red. "Unless I added it up wrong..."

"You're a person," said Eri. "People's ages start counting from one." She smiled at Red and he smiled back. 

_Ugh, stop being a cute couple_ , though Yeonho. But they _were_ pretty cute.

"Are you looking forward to being eighteen, Eri?" he asked.

"I don't know," she said. "I feel like I just got used to being seventeen. Though as Lance pointed out to me, if you add up all my memories, I was seventeen for four years..."

"Wow," said Yeonho. No wonder she felt different. "So I guess you're turning, uh..." This conversation had way too much mathematics for comfort. 

"Twenty one," said Lance, with an irritated sigh.

"No, I am _definitely_ turning eighteen," said Eri. "I'm not missing all those ages! They're some of the most exciting ones!"

"Heh," said Yeonho. "That is what they say. I guess we can experience them together, then."

He saw something out of the corner of his eye and turned his head. It was was Hyeonju, standing a little distance away, waiting for the fireworks to start. Hyeonju waggled her eyebrows at how close Yeonho was sitting to Eri and he stuck out his tongue.

"Yeonho?" said Eri.

"Ehehe," he said. "It's nothing."

Anything else he might have said was interrupted by the gentle hiss as the first firework flew up into the sky. Time for the old year to end and the new one to begin.

Yuri drove them all back in the limo, even Red and Eri were cold and tired and not in the mood for a walk. Once they got back to the house, Tei started putting away the leftovers but Yuri stopped him. "Since we did the cooking, the others should put everything away," he said. "You and I need to go to bed."

"It's not that late," said Tei. "I'm full of energy."

Yuri shot him a look of annoyance. 

"No, Yuri's right," said Eri. "Don't you agree, Lance and Red? We can take care of this stuff while the others go to sleep."

Lance and Red, who usually managed to avoid even being asked to do housework, looked at Eri with matching expressions of surprise. Yeonho snickered and Tei looked downright gleeful. 

"Uh, right!" said Red, obviously not wanting to look bad in front of Eri. 

Lance let out a long sigh. "I can't argue with your logic," he said. 

Eri smiled. "I should just put all the food in the fridge, right, Tei?"

"Yes, thank you," said Tei, letting Yuri drag him off towards their shared bedroom. Why did Yuri suddenly care so much about Tei getting enough sleep? He could be very strange sometimes. "We'll see you all tomorrow." 

"Good night everyone!" said Yeonho. He couldn't actually go to sleep until the others were done in the kitchen, but he could at least get ready for bed. 

By the time he'd gotten out of the bathroom, Eri and Lance had gone to sleep, and the kitchen was dark. But for some reason Red was still awake, sitting on the couch.

"Red?"

"Hey, Yeonho," said Red. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Ok," said Yeonho, sitting next to him on the couch.

"So, you and Eri were sitting pretty close during the picnic..." he said. 

Yeonho rolled his eyes internally, but gave Red a reassuring smile. "I was just giving her a hug."

"Ok," said Red, sounding very relieved. "I mean, if you did...want to date her...that would be fine? Because I agreed to it? I just, um, wanted to be sure."

"Red..." said Yeonho. "Are you actually ok with the way things are with you and Eri?"

"Of course," said Red, his voice wavering. He was such a terrible liar. 

"You know she loves you," said Yeonho. "And you make her very happy."

"Yeah..." said Red. "She loves you too, though. She hasn't said anything to me about it, but...she does."

"Does it make any difference?" said Yeonho. "It's you she's with. You're the only one able to be what she needs. I'm not enough." To his embarrassment, he felt his voice catch in a sob. 

"Oh, Yeonho..." Red pulled him into a hug, his big strong arms making Yeonho feel small but safe. "You're...you're part of the team. We'd all fall apart without you. Even in my world...your smiles kept me going when everything got dark."

"Really?"

"Yeah. You'd sit and watch tv with me even though you didn't even like the show very much, just to keep my spirits up. And you'd help look after Eri when she was in class, and made everyone breakfast...I don't know how the you of my world felt about Eri. But I know she loved you, and cared about you, and needed you. Just like this Eri does. Just like we all do." 

"Red," sniffled Yeonho. "You're so kind. When did you get so grown-up?" 

"I don't feel very grown-up," said Red. "You know I...I ran away, in my world, when I thought Eri was in love with Tei. She got really sick, and it was all my fault. And even though you all knew she was in love with me, the rest of you looked after her, and kept looking for me, and welcomed me back like a friend...So, I just....I feel like that's the least I can do now. Stay by her side, and be a friend to all of you, even if I'm jealous." 

"But you do feel jealous..." How did he stand it?

"I am _so jealous_ ," said Red. "She's in love with four other guys! When I saw Tei arrive with flowers I got so worried! And Yuri's always so flirtatious, even now...And...and...I know it's only fair that she spend time with the rest of you...but I want her to just be paying attention to me! "

"Mmm," said Yeonho. He already felt that way now. How much worse would it feel if he was dating her? "Is it worth it, then?"

"Definitely," said Red, and this time there was no hesitation in his voice. "It's hard, sometimes, but...it's definitely worth it."

"I'm glad," said Yeonho. "You both deserve to be happy."

"Thanks," said Red. "Do you think...do you think you want to try dating her again?"

"I don't know," said Yeonho. "I don't know if I can. I miss her a lot, but...I don't know if I'm strong enough to try again. It was really hard for me, even in my world. I was always so afraid she'd abandon me, or care more about someone else." 

Red opened his mouth, and then closed it again. Then he rubbed his head and laughed awkwardly. "See, the problem is, as your friend, I want to encourage you! But as your rival, I want to cut down the competition. So I'm not sure what to say."

"That's ok," said Yeonho. "Thank you for talking to me. I feel a little bit better. You're a good friend." 

"So you want to be friends, still? Even though I, um, stole your girl?"

"You didn't steal her," said Yeonho, "You gave her what she needed. You make her happy. When you love someone, that's all that should really matter."

"Awww, Yeonho!" said Red, with loud enthusiasm. "You're the best!"

"Haha," said Yeonho. "Thanks. But keep your voice down, everyone else is trying to sleep."

"Oh yeah," said Red, lowering his voice. "Oops. Though I can hear noises from Yuri and Tei's room, I guess they're still up talking." He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Is it just me or are they getting along better these days?"

"It's not just you," said Yeonho. "And I think it's great."

"I guess," said Red. "I never understood why Yuri had such a problem with Tei, but if anything I think Tei's too patient with Yuri. There's something _off_ about that guy."

"Yuri's a lot nicer than you think he is, Tei," said Yeonho. "You should try to get to know him better." Not that Yeonho really got along _that_ well with Yuri. But compared to Yuri and Red, they were practically best friends. 

"Ha!" said Red. "I'll leave that to Tei. If I tried being nice to Yuri he'd just say something mean and call me 'cherry boy'." 

"...ehehe, you might be right," said Yeonho. "Anyway, talking to you has been nice, but it's getting late. We should go to bed."

"Yeah, otherwise Lance will yell at me. Ok. Good night, Yeonho. Thanks for being my friend."

"Goodnight Red," said Yeonho. "Thanks for being my friend too." 

Red left, and Yeonho turned out the light. He closed his eyes and drifted off into a calm and happy sleep, full of hope for the new year that had just begun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sure I wrote a note to insert here about flower language and ages in Korea, but I can't find it. Anyway, I'm sure I have some of the cultural details here wrong. Specifically, it was hard to find out much about January 1st traditions in Korea as opposed to Korean New Year/Lunar New Year, since that's a bigger celebration. 
> 
> As far as I understand it: in Korea age starts at one and goes up every Lunar New Year. This chapter is set on December 31st 2013. Eri was born in 1997 and would count as 16 by International standards. But by Korean standards she's 17, and will be counted as turning 18 along with Lance and Yeonho on Lunar New Year of 2014, regardless of the date of her birthday. 
> 
> Also, I may well have extrapolated the manufacturing dates of the dolls wrongly, especially since it's not clear how long Tei and Yeonho were with their previous owners. But I am quite taken with the idea of Yeonho being the "eldest", and don't think it's provably wrong, which is good enough for me :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I surprised even myself by ending up writing Lance as...not necessarily trans per se, but having _something_ gender related going on.

"Are you well?" asked Lance, very aware of how boring he was being.

"Yes," she said. "What about you?"

"I am well. I...is the schedule satisfactory?"

"Yes, it's very helpful. I'm so glad you made it."

"Mmm," he said. _I'm glad it means I get to spend time with you_. But if this time with him hadn't been scheduled, would she have chosen to spend any with him? Or would she have just spent all her time with Red?

There were many things that bothered Lance about Eri's relationship with Red. First of all there was the fact that she was with anyone other than Lance himself, which caused a constant ache in his heart. Then there was the fact that she was with _Red_. Knowing that Eri could be happy with such a thoughtless idiot filled Lance with self doubt. Could she have ever truly been happy with him, if _this_ was what she wanted?

But in some ways the most disturbing thing was that she _was_ happy, and so...as a result, so was Lance. Not entirely happy, he still burned with jealousy and yearning. But every time he saw his owner smile, Lance's heart was filled with a warm sense of satisfaction, and apparently knowing that she was smiling over that monkey wasn't enough to make the feeling go away. He'd even started feeling a little positively towards Red himself lately, just knowing that he was the one who brought Eri joy. It was _terrible_. 

And since Lance wasn't quite selfish enough to try to break them up, the only solution he could think of was to make Eri smile because of himself as well. Just because Red had won, didn't mean Lance had lost the right to play. 

But what could he do to make her happy? What could he offer her that she did not already have?

He sat awkwardly silent, knowing that this just made things worse and unable to do anything about it. 

And so of course it fell to her to fill the silence. "Lance," she said. "Can I ask you for advice?"

"Advice?" He blinked. "Yes, of course."

"Actually...I suppose I don't really need _advice_ , I know what to do. I just need reassurance." She looked at her hands. "I'm sorry, I'm being very silly."

"Probably," he said. "But tell me anyway."

"Heh. Ok." She smiled at him. "Do you remember how in your world I told Soi and Shinbi about me liking ball jointed dolls?"

"You didn't do that in the others?"

She shook her head. "Just with you."

"Oh." He was overcome with a deep, transcendent sense of satisfaction. He had helped her in a way no-one else had. He really did have something to offer.

"And I want to do it again, and I know they'll be ok with it. I know for sure, this time! And yet, I'm still nervous."

"Mmm," said Lance. "You're right, you are being very silly."

"Shut up," said Eri. "So...can you reassure me that it will be ok?"

"It will be ok," he said. "I was certain the first time, and I am doubly certain now. They are your friends, and they will accept you. And you will feel better once you tell them." She'd been so much happier after she told them in his world. He tried not to think about what had happened after that, about how seeing her be so brave had given him the courage to declare his feelings, and then do some other things he'd been secretly yearning for...

Was she thinking about it too? Or did she not care about that night any more, her memories overwritten by so many other nights with so many other men?

But then she smiled at him and he didn't care. "Yeah," she said, looking at him with affectionate eyes that made his heart ache. "Thanks, Lance. I'll make plans to take them to the store right away!"

"But not today," he said. "Today you are with me."

"Of course!" said Eri. "So what do you want to do today?"

Damn. They were back to that. What could they do together that wouldn't feel like a pale imitation of what they used to be? Of what she had with Red? He paused, unable to muster up anything to say. 

"We can just sit here and chat," she said, lightly. 

He nodded. Did it count as chatting if he never said anything? Since it was the only thing he could think of, he asked "Will you buy any new dolls?" 

"No, I'm still poor," she said, laughing. "And...I like the dolls I have."

He nodded again. 

"I might buy some accessories...is there anything you think would suit your doll?"

"I always like the things you choose."

"I know. But I just thought you might like something in particular. You could look on the website and choose things. Or you could come with me and the others to the store!"

Lance shuddered. "A place filled with countless variations on myself...I think not."

"It doesn't make you feel special, to know how beloved you are?"

"It's a reminder of how generic I am."

Eri pouted at him. "Lance, you're not generic. You're unique. No matter how many other Lances are out there, none of them are you. None of them are my Lance." 

"Thank you," he said, feeling pathetic to need her validation, but reassured regardless. "But I'm still not going to the store. Someone might recognise me."

"They'd just think it was a funny coincidence!" Seeing his expression she added, "But I can see how you'd still feel weird about it." 

He sighed and forced out the words. "You could take Red." 

"Because he's my boyfriend? You other guys are still important to me too." So she kept saying. And maybe it was even true. 

"Because he's unique," said Lance, not quite keeping the bitterness out of his voice. "How many people have ever seen a Red doll, even amongst Crobidoll employees?" 

Eri clapped her hands happily. "Oh, you're right! That's so clever. But are you sure you wouldn't mind?"

"It's none of my business what you do with Red," he snapped. Feeling bad for being so curt, he added "And...it would make you feel better, wouldn't it? To have him by your side?"

"Yeah, it would," she said. "And it will be because you thought of it." 

"Hmm," he said.

"I wonder if Red will find it strange, seeing all those dolls...were you ever in a store, Lance?"

He shook his head. "After my creation I was stored in a warehouse until you ordered me." 

He wasn't sure how long he'd stayed in the dark, surrounded by so many others identical to himself. He couldn't remember it very clearly. All he could remember was the hope that someone would choose him.

"That must have been pretty boring," said Eri, looking a little sorry for him.

"Dolls aren't like humans," said Lance. "They don't get bored easily. And a doll without an owner is...not fully aware of the world. At least, I wasn't. I didn't really notice much of anything until I met you."

And then she'd become all he could see.

They talked about various other things after that, and Lance's awkwardness eased. But he noticed her staring at him from time to time. Not with affection or desire, he knew what that looked like. She was staring at him like she did when she was deciding on doll outfits, like she did at a difficult maths problem before asking him to help her solve it. 

"Why are you staring at me?" he said. 

"Haha, sorry," said Eri. "I was just thinking about how I could make you not look like a Lance doll, so you could visit the store."

"But I don't want to visit the store," he said.

"I think it might be good for you," said Eri. "You could see all the other Lances and realise they're not you."

"Hmm," said Lance, unconvinced. 

"Anyway," said Eri. "It's just fun to think about a disguise! Like...you could wear a big hat!"

"There are several Lance models that wear hats," said Lance. 

"True..." said Eri. But she was still staring at him with that familiar glint in her eye. "I don't suppose you'd be willing to dye your hair blue? There's no Lances with-"

"No," said Lance, firmly.

"It's a pity I can't swap your hair back and forth any more," said Eri, sadly.

"I apologise for my scalp becoming attached to my skull," said Lance, his skin prickling a little at the thought. He'd quite enjoyed having his wig swapped as a doll, but back then he hadn't had a nervous system. 

"I forgive you," said Eri, with a serious expression, and he laughed. She let out a frustrated sigh. "Guys are difficult. If you were a girl you could wear striking makeup, or put your hair up in lots of different styles. Men can wear makeup, I guess, but it's not the same... " 

"I think that if I was a girl, I would not wear makeup or put up my hair," said Lance. It all seems like too much trouble.

"That's what makes it a disguise!" She giggled. "Maybe we should get the dress from the play again."

"No," said Lance. "It was very uncomfortable."

"What about this then?" Eri pulled at the fabric of the sweater she was wearing: baggy and shapeless, but undeniably feminine in style. "I bet this would fit you."

"You...want me to dress as you?" Lance felt off balance. At some point the conversation had gotten off track and ended up somewhere deeply strange. 

"Not as _me_ ," said Eri. "As a pretty girl with silver hair and beautiful blue eyes." How did she still not realise she was pretty?

"So...I'd look like Lancelia?" said Lance. "That's hardly an improvement." Lance generally tried not to think about the female branch of the Lance line if he could help it, it was unpleasant to know that his face was so generic that it could even be used for a different gender. 

Eri laughed dryly and pulled again at her sweater. "Would Crobidoll ever release a Lancelia dressed like this?"

"No..." said Lance. The Lancelia line wore all sorts of outfits, from leather jackets to fairy ballgowns. But none of them wore baggy sweaters. Eri was right, but he didn't like her self deprecating tone. "I suppose that's proof that Crobidoll lack imagination."

Eri laughed again, more brightly this time. "I guess if you think of it that way, there are all sorts of things Crobidoll never imagines. I could put your hair in braids, and use really brightly coloured makeup...you'd be the least Crobidoll looking doll ever!" 

Lance tried to imagine it. "It sounds ridiculous."

"It wouldn't have to be," said Eri. 

"I'd be dressed as a girl," said Lance. "That's inherently ridiculous."

Eri opened her mouth to argue, and then sighed. "I suppose so," she said. "It was a fun idea, but I know you'd never really do it." She sounded disappointed, and Lance felt a pang of loss. She'd actually been happy for a moment there, and he'd ruined it. 

"I'll do it," said Lance. The moment he said it he regretted it, but then she looked at him with stars in her eyes. 

"Really? Are you sure?"

"Would it make you happy?"

"Very!"

"Then yes. I'm sure." He'd do anything to make her smile. 

She gently reached for a lock of his hair and rubbed it between her fingers. "I am going to make you so pretty!"

"Wait," said Lance, quickly. "We can't do it here, the others would see."

"Lance, you already dressed as a girl in front of the whole whole school."

"But nobody here remembers that. And people were...strange to me about it afterwards." 

"Oh no, really?"

He shrugged. "It's fine." It might not have been fine if it hadn't have been for his fearsome reputation and position on the school council, but as it was there had been a few mutters questioning his sexuality, and when he hadn't seemed to care, they'd stopped. 

"Ok," said Eri. "Then let's pack! This is going to be an adventure!"

"More like a misadventure," muttered Lance, but his heart felt warm. 

Eri looked adorable in Lance's jacket. Since he was a little taller than her, it hung down to her thighs, and the cuffs kept slipping down over her wrists. "Maybe I should have done this before we swapped jackets," she muttered, pushing the sleeves back up her arms and adjusting the final strap on the sandals. The sandals she was putting on Lance, kneeling down at his feet. It was entirely the wrong time of year for these sort of shoes, and his toes ached with cold even through his socks, but his own shoes were all too masculine looking and these were the only pair of Eri's shoes that could be made to fit his feet. Anyway, having her touch him like this...he didn't mind the cold.

"Don't tell Yuri I got you to wear socks with sandals," she said, standing up. "He'd never forgive me."

"Yes, I'm sure he'd much rather I got frostbite," said Lance. As if Yuri would care about the socks more than the fact that Lance was currently _dressed like a girl_. How had he let Eri talk him into this? 

Then again, she hadn't had to try very hard, and it wasn't as if Eri had talked him into the school play. Maybe Lance was just odd that way. The idea didn't bother him as much as it probably should have. 

After some cheerful explorations through her wardrobe, Eri had settled on a blue baggy sweater with a star pattern on it. It fit Lance quite well, and didn't feel strange the way the heroine dress had. Instead he felt warm to know that he was wearing something that belonged to her. He'd kept on his shirt and trousers, and still felt very much like himself, despite the sweater, and the long neat braids falling down across his back. 

And then Eri took out her makeup.

"I hope I can get this to look good, " she said. "My mom bought me this set and I never used it, maybe we should go buy something that suits your colouring..."

"This is fine," said Lance. "I trust you."

She smiled at him, blushing slightly. "Then I'll do my best," she said. And then she leaned so close he could feel her breath on his face. Close enough to kiss. He closed his eyes. 

Having makeup applied was very strange. He felt the gentle sensation of a spongey brush on his eyes, and then something cold against the edge of the lid. "Open your mouth, please," said Eri, and then he felt something cool and smooth against his lips. She dabbed at a few places with a tissue, and then let out a worrying sigh.

"Do I look bad?" he said. 

"You look lovely," said Eri. "I'm just not sure I did you justice."

"Show me."

She took gave him the little mirror that came with the makeup kit and he tried to get a good look at himself. All he could see was fragments: a blue-lidded eye here, a vibrantly pink lip there, like pieces of some strange woman's face. He couldn't put it together into a whole, let alone imagine it as himself. "It looks fine," he said. "Stop worrying."

"Ok," said Eri. "And now the final part of my masterpiece..." She took out a star shaped hair-clip and pinned back part of his bangs. "Done!" She moved back slightly and stared at him. Did she liked what she saw? And then she smiled. "Pretty..." Was it just the cold making her cheeks red? There was something especially appealing about her being attracted to him while he looked like this. About imagining _being_ with her like this...

"Let's get going," said Lance. "My feet are cold."

"Oh no, of course!" said Eri. "I'm sure the shop will be heated. Let's walk quickly."

Lance didn't want to walk quickly, despite the cold. He wasn't sure he wanted to do this at all. Somehow when he was around Eri he kept doing strange things that made no sense. As they walked past a large window, he got a proper look at himself, and nearly stumbled. He didn't look like Lancelia. He looked like himself and yet, like a girl. It was very strange. And with Eri beside him...it was like they were two female friends going out shopping together. He felt a sudden urge to grab her hand: as a man, he couldn't do that without it being read as romantic, but women held each other's hand all the time without it meaning anything. 

But of course it didn't matter what other people thought. Eri knew who he really was, and how he really felt. 

He kept his hands to himself.

The streets were quiet in the January cold, but they passed a few people, and no-one seemed to consider Lance remarkable. Thankfully nobody hit on him, he wasn't sure how he'd have handled that. It was awkward enough being hit on as a guy. 

He stopped her just before the got to the store. "Do you not want to go in?" said Eri. "You don't have to if you don't want to. It was fun just dressing you up."

"I want to go in," he said, though it would be more accurate to say that he was determined to go in, whether he wanted to or not. "But you should stop calling me Lance."

"Oh, that's true! What should I call you?"

He looked away. "Can you...pick me a name?"

She gasped. 

"Is it too strange?"

"No, it's...it's exciting! I never got to pick anyone's name before! I know it's just for today, but...a name! A name that suits you, as a girl. Hmmm!" She was so cute it was unbearable.

"It should probably start with an L, so it doesn't seem strange if you start to call me the wrong one. Which you will." 

"Lance! I won't..." She stopped and laughed. "Ok, maybe I will. Right then, L names....but not Lancelia, obviously..."

They stood in silence for a while on the street, as Eri thought. The wind blew through Lance's socks and made his toes hurt.

"...how about Lily?" she said. "It's pretty, like you." She kept calling him pretty and he kept feeling like he shouldn't like it so much. 

"Lily...yes, that works." There were no Crobidoll dolls called Lily. It was a name just for him, chosen by his owner. He liked it more than he could express.

"Right then, Lily!" said Eri. "Let's go into the store!"

The first thing that greeted them was a giant version of Lance's face. It was framed behind glass and hung in pride of place at the entrance to the store above a welcome sign and a little plastic garden of little plastic plants. Lance froze in the doorway as the giant doll version of his face stared back at him. Eri grabbed his hand and pulled him forward and he was able to breath again. 

Until he caught eyes with himself in the first display case, and the one after that. The store was full of Lances: Daydream Lance. Vampire Lance. Cheshire Cat Lance. Lances with different coloured skin, and hair, and eyes. Lances with the bodies of children, or of men. Lances playing guitar, or holding a walking stick. Countless different kinds of Lance, tiny and motionless behind glass, each and every one of them wearing his face. It was like standing in a maze of mirrors with no way out.

His breath sped up, and he felt Eri squeeze his hand. "None of them are you," she whispered. "Only you're you."

A smiling woman waved at them from behind a huge white desk. "Welcome to Crobidoll! Can I help you?"

"We're just browsing," said Eri. "Thank you." 

The woman nodded, and was about to leave them alone, when she stopped and stared at Lance. "I'm sorry if this is weird to say," she said. Lance tensed. "But has anyone ever told you you look like Oh Yubi?"

"...Oh Yubi?" The name meant nothing to him. And the moment he spoke he was suddenly aware of how deep his voice was, but there was no changing it now. At least the woman didn't seem to notice anything strange. 

"From Alien Angel! Haven't you heard of it? This silver haired alien robot comes to Earth to find her lost sister, but she pretends to be a nun to hide from terrorists, and then..."

Eri stared at the woman for a moment and then said "Oh, is it a drama?" 

"Yes! And Oh Yubi is the star. She's amazing. She started out as a model, so she's really pretty, but she's a great actress too. She does this cold glare that's just- but of course you have a very nice expression, miss." Ah. Lance's usual cold expression would be a lot more notable from a woman than a man. Girls were supposed to smile. Lance felt glad he wasn't actually a girl. 

But the important thing wasn't how he was read as a girl. It was that this woman, who worked with Lance dolls all day, had thought he was someone else. Someone unique, who she admired. 

Eri was right. Coming here _had_ been good for him. These Lances wore his face, or something like it. But they weren't him. 

"I am flattered by the comparison", said Lance. "Thank you." 

"You're welcome," said the woman. "Are you sure I can't help you with anything? We have a sale on wigs at the moment..."

"Quite sure," said Lance.

"Ok! I'll be at the desk," said the woman. "Let me know if you need anything."

"We will," said Eri. "Thank you!"

When she'd turned away, Eri whispered "Maybe _we_ should watch Alien Angel. The main actress sounds pretty."

Without thinking, Lance whispered back "Don't make me punish you," and Eri let out a mischievous snicker that made him _desperately_ want to push her against a wall and kiss her until she was breathless. He let out a sigh and forced himself to think sensible, platonic thoughts instead of imagining what it would look like to leave a line of lipstick marks along her skin. 

"Hey, look, it's a Yuri," said Eri. 

And sure enough there he was, lounged seductively over a tiny plastic chair. Probably thinking inappropriate thoughts about the sales assistant, if he thought of anything. 

What did the other Lance dolls think of Lance, he wondered. Did they recognise him as one of their own? Would it even cross their minds to see themselves in a human? Or did they look at Lance and only wonder if he might become their owner? Unfortunately for them, _these_ dolls were likely doomed to stay in their display cases forever, or at least until their models became discontinued. What must it be like, to know that they inspired humans to own dolls just like them, but would never be owned themselves?

Maybe Lance should be more grateful, to have escaped such a fate, or any of the many other ways a doll could end up unloved. Because Eri did love him. She didn't love _only_ him, but he was still her doll. 

"What do you think of these shoes? For...uh, Lance?" Eri gestured to some black lace up boots with a bright red interior. It seemed strange to dye the inside of a pair of shoes, where nobody would see, yet somehow the idea of that hidden colour made them more appealing. 

"I like them," said Lance, because he did. Maybe he only liked them because Eri seemed to, but he liked them all the same. 

Was it so bad, to be one of many? If she loved him, did it matter that she loved other men as well? What was he achieving, exactly, by holding back? 

But things were stable now. Safe. She'd never expected him to accept sharing her, so he hadn't truly broken her heart. But if he accepted her, and then pushed her away...what would it do to her? What would it do to him?

"I'll pay," said Lance, reaching for the shoes. 

"Are you sure?" said Eri.

He nodded, and smiled at her. "Yes," he said. "It's the least I can do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lancelia exists, and while she doesn't have exactly the same face as the male Lance it's pretty similar. [This one's my favourite](http://crobidolls.com/shop/step1.php?number=3811) :)


	11. Chapter 11

Yuri woke up sticky, naked, and sore in all the best ways. He stretched with a happy groan and rolled over to turn off his alarm. Tei was sitting up in bed doing something on his phone, back in his pyjamas and looking much the same as he had every other day Yuri had woken up next to him for the past year. But if Yuri squinted, he could see faint signs of the night before, and it made Yuri want to mess Tei up all over again. On any other day he might have done it, too. 

"Good morning," said Tei. "I'm surprised you're awake this early. It's not even noon." They'd been lovers for a few days, but this was the first time Yuri had woken up before Tei got out of bed. It felt strangely domestic.

"It's my day with her," said Yuri. "I don't want to waste a minute of it."

Tei nodded, not looking up from his phone. Yuri shuffled over to see what was so fascinating and was rewarded with nothing but a dry feed of news headlines, and the warmth of Tei's body against his side. "You have your own phone," said Tei. 

"What's with the duds?" said Yuri, ignoring him, and tugging at the ugly brown sleeve of Tei's ugly brown pyjamas. "Feeling inadequate next to me in the harsh light of day? Your body isn't _that_ bad. And I remember rather more of it being on display when we went to sleep."

"It's the middle of Winter," said Tei. "I know your solution to cold is to increase the thermostat, but some of us choose to wear these things called clothes."

"And some of us choose not to hide our light behind a bushel," said Yuri, posing to display his body to its best effect. Tei looked over at him, blinked, and then went back to his phone. But a small smile played around his lips. He was totally into it, for all that he might pretend to care more about some election in Bangladesh. 

Yuri rolled out of bed and started rifling through his clothes. What sort of outfit should he wear? He wanted to look nice, but not like he was _trying_ to look nice. After considering and discarding various options, he eventually decided on something casual: black jeans, a loose jacket, and an open-necked shirt with asymmetric blue stripes that brought out his eyes. 

"You're going to wear that?" said Tei, as Yuri shook out the shirt checking for creases.

"Nobody who wears as much brown as you gets to lecture me on fashion," said Yuri. 

"I've accepted you always looking ridiculous," said Tei. "But you should cover your chest."

"You weren't complaining about my chest last night," leered Yuri. 

"Yes, exactly," said Tei. "Look at yourself in the mirror."

Yuri turned to look. There was a line of red scratches running down from the bottom of his neck to just below his collar-bone. He ran his fingertips over them lightly, feeling the bumps in the skin. "Tch. Enthusiasm is all well and good, but this better not scar."

"These bodies don't scar," said Tei. "Only our doll bodies do."

"How do you...wait, I don't want to know." Yuri looked sadly at the shirt and its flatteringly low neckline. None of his high necked shirts gave off the same aura of casual yet elegant. "Maybe I should just wear this anyway. It's not like I have anything to be ashamed of."

"No," said Tei. 

"Just imagine the look on everyone's faces when I explained. It would certainly be an _entertaining_ way to come out of the closet." 

Tei took in a sharp breath. "You can't. She mustn't know." 

"Learn to tell when I'm joking," said Yuri, rummaging through his closet. "I don't think she'd actually care, though. She'd probably think it was cute." Which, of course, was why Yuri would never tell her. It would hurt too much seeing Eri think he'd found happiness without her, when all he'd found was consolation. 

" _You can't tell her_." Yuri looked up and saw that Tei was staring at him, eyes wide. "She can't ever...ever know that I defiled myself with you." 

"Wow," said Yuri, feeling a little hurt. "If it's that disgusting to you, we can just stop." It wasn't like Yuri didn't feel weird about it too. But whatever their doll natures told them, they really weren't doing anything wrong, and it didn't feel great to know that Tei saw it as something unclean. 

"You have to promise me," said Tei, as if he was barely even hearing Yuri's words. His eyes had taken on an unsettling blankness that Yuri had learned to watch out for. Yuri had broken Tei again. Great. Yuri felt a mixture of guilt and irritation.

"Fine," said Yuri. "I promise I won't tell her you _defiled yourself_ with me. Happy?"

Tei was silent for a moment, and then let out a long sigh. 

Yuri took a step towards Tei, noticing the tense arc of his back and slight tremor in his hands. "Look, is this messing you up? You and me?" Yuri had found himself enjoying this thing with Tei more than he would have thought credible, and it would suck to give it up. But it would suck more to know he was literally driving Tei insane. 

Tei looked at him sadly for a while in silence. And then he shook his head. "No. It's just...highlighting how messed up I was already." He looked away. "I'm sorry about what I said, that was rude of me."

"Just a little," muttered Yuri. But Tei was Tei. "I'm going to have a shower. Will you be alright?"

"Yes," said Tei. He gave Yuri a weak smile. "Enjoy your day with the owner."

Tei's day with Eri had been yesterday. With her, he'd been the perfect Prince Sunshine, not even touching her, just being friendly and kind. Yuri had felt like a total third wheel, and had just sat quietly to the side laying an idol dress-up game on his phone. And then when they'd gotten back to their room, Tei had collapsed against the wall and slid slowly to the ground. He'd just sat there, non-responsive, staring blankly into space, until Yuri kneeled down to tap him on the forehead, at which point Tei had clutched at Yuri's shirt and pulled him into a kiss, which had led to them both falling onto the floor. And that had led to some scratches on Yuri's chest, amongst other things.

"Thanks," said Yuri. "I'll do my best. See you tonight."

* * *

For a long time Yuri didn't know what to say to her. He felt so awkward, paralysed by all the emotion he couldn't express, all the words he couldn't say. He was reminded of how he'd felt after realising he was in love with her, when he'd been so afraid to face his feelings that he'd left Eri convinced that he didn't even like her any more. At least they both knew where they stood now. He was still breaking her heart, but at least she knew why.

Eri attempted to fill the silence with cheerful chatter, but she kept stopping and looking at him with a barely concealed expression of concern. _Come on, Yuri,_ he thought to himself with annoyance. _If Tei can do it so can you._

"So, my honey," he said, "Where would you like to go? The city is yours."

"Oh, are we not driving anywhere in particular?"

"Not yet," he said. He'd been driving in a large circle, using the car as a mobile room of his own as much as a conveyance. He'd been so desperate to have time with her alone, yet now he had it he had no idea what to say. 

"Hmm," she said. She turned to look out the window, watching the familiar streets pass by. "Could we just...drive for a while? If that's alright."

"Of course," he said. He programmed in a suitably distant and picturesque location and let the cheerful, calm directions from his phone fill the quiet of the car. 

"You're such a good driver," said Eri. "You never had any lessons, did you? You just knew..."

"Every adult should know how to drive," said Yuri. "And I was born an adult."

"Lots of adults don't know how to drive, though," said Eri. "Or they _know_ , but they're not very good at it. I'm not sure I'll be very good..."

"You'll be perfect," said Yuri. "Because I will teach you. And I am an excellent teacher."

She laughed. "Thanks, Mr Yuri," said Eri. "I look forward to it."

He looked at her in the mirror, and the smile she was giving him made his heart warm. He thought about offering to teach her now, but no-one should have their first driving lesson on icy roads. 

They started heading up away from the centre of the city, into the mountains, along what was a pretty tree-lined drive in Spring or Summer. Unfortunately, right now it was more of a twig-and-slush lined path, although the stark brown of the leafless trees did contrast prettily with the pure white of the patches of snow.

"So is that little monkey treating you well?"

"Don't call him that," said Eri.

"I apologise. Are things well with your esteemed gentleman friend?"

"Yes," said Eri. "My esteemed gentleman friend and I are doing very well." 

"Good," said Yuri. "Honestly, I don't know what you see in that boy, but as long as he keeps you happy, I suppose he'll have to do."

"Thanks," said Eri. "You know I..." She paused, likely as overwhelmed as Yuri was by all the things they weren't saying, and then sighed. "Thanks, Yuri."

"Anything for you, my darling," he said softly.

She looked back out the window. "The trees are pretty," she said. 

"Yes," said Yuri. "I'm usually more of an urbanite, but sometimes it's nice to experience a little of the outdoors."

"But only from inside a heated car," said Eri.

"Of course." 

To Yuri's annoyance, the picturesque stone walls lining the road gave way to an ugly barbed-wire topped chain-link fence. Were they worried someone would steal the trees? Didn't they want to make the city appealing to tourists? But he kept driving, past car-parks and apartment buildings, and eventually they hit another more scenic stretch of trees. 

As if it mattered. As if finding the perfect stretch of road to drive down together would fix everything between him and Eri.

Yuri thought of Tei, who's own obsession with being perfect seemed driven by some hidden darkness Yuri could never quite make out the shape of. Tei refused to talk about his issues in detail, and usually did his best to hide them. But there was one other person who seemed to understand.

"Eri," said Yuri, wondering if this was a good idea. "May I ask something about Tei?"

"Tei?" said Eri. "Of course. Did you guys have an argument or something?"

"Not exactly," said Yuri, slowly. "I...said something that upset him, and he won't explain why. I thought you could maybe help me understand how not to have it happen again."

That didn't really cover the extent of what Yuri wanted to know. But he couldn't think of any tactful way to ask "Why is Tei so crazy and how can I deal with it?".

"Oh..." said Eri. She didn't sound surprised or confused. She sounded cautious. What did she know? "If he said he doesn't want to explain, I don't want to invade his privacy."

"Of course," said Yuri. "But anything you could offer..."

"It's very kind of you to care about him," said Eri. "I've noticed you seem to be getting along better lately. Are you becoming friends?"

She smiled at him with open, trusting optimism. She had no idea. How would she react if she knew? Would she feel jealous? Or would she feel relieved?

"Something like that," said Yuri. 

"I'm so glad," said Eri. "And...Tei finds it very hard to really open up to people. Don't take it personally. I'm sure he'll learn to trust you over time." 

"I hope so," said Yuri. 

How messed up was it that he was getting relationship advice from _Eri_ about _Tei?_ It had been weird enough the other way around. But it felt good to be able to talk about things with someone. And Eri had experienced all this herself....no. She'd experienced something much worse. Yuri hadn't been able to understand why Eri had stayed with Tei, after the way he'd treated her in his world. Now part of him understood, at least a little. Which was disturbing in and of itself. 

Eri nodded to herself. "Ok. I think it would be alright if I told you...Try to be tactful about his...knee." 

Yuri stared at her in the mirror. She didn't look like she was joking. But..."His _knee_?" As far as Yuri knew, Tei's knees worked fine, and they didn't look at all remarkable aside from... "You mean that little scar?"

"Mmm," said Eri.

"But Yeonho's _covered_ in scars, why would one little scratch on Tei's knee be a big deal?" Yuri had assumed that was just a thing with secondhand dolls. When he was new, he'd worried he'd get covered in scars too, and had been relieved to discover that Eri was always careful to keep her dolls in good condition. But Tei and Yeonho never mentioned their scars, or their past owners, and so Yuri hadn't thought they mattered much. Maybe that had been a mistake.

"Well...you should be tactful about Yeonho's scars too. But...I got the impression you and he don't talk as much." 

"Not as much, no," said Yuri. And he definitely didn't talk to Yeonho the way he talked to Tei. 

But now that he thought about it, Yuri couldn't remember having ever talked to Tei about his knee, tactfully or otherwise. He'd _touched_ it, but only in passing, and Tei hadn't seemed to think much of it. Tei's issues, from what Yuri had seen, revolved around his feelings for Eri, and and the thought of being dirty or-

"So he doesn't like that its imperfect? Ugh, trust him to fixate on something so trivial..."

"It's not his fault!" said Eri. "His..." She suddenly stopped and squeezed her mouth closed tight. She took in a sharp breath through her nose then started again. "It's not trivial to him. So please try to be nice about it."

"Yes, yes," said Yuri. "When am I ever not nice?"

"Um..." said Eri.

"Don't answer that question," muttered Yuri. 

By the time they returned home, Yuri was exhausted. He was built to give women a good time, and in this respect he was sure he'd succeeded. But he wasn't built to care so much about how they felt about him. He'd spent the first hour or so constantly aware of Eri's expressions and movements, barely able to concentrate on the road for how much he wanted to make sure she was happy, that she was comfortable, that she still loved him. By the end he'd relaxed enough to be able to actually enjoy their time together, and he could only hope things would get less stressful from here on out. But for now, he was a wreck. 

As he lay face down on the bed he felt Tei's gentle fingers softly rubbing at his back. It felt nice, but made him a little melancholy. 

"How'd it go?" Tei's voice was warm and sympathetic. 

"About as well as could be expected," said Yuri, with a sigh. 

"It will get easier," said Tei. He slipped one hand beneath Yuri's shirt. Yuri felt the warmth of Tei's body against him as he moved closer.

Yuri rolled over, putting his back to Tei, and all the complicated feelings he inspired. "I'm not in the mood."

" _You're_ not in the mood?" Tei didn't sound disappointed, just surprised.

"It happens," muttered Yuri. Admittedly, it didn't happen very often.

"Fair enough," said Tei. "Honestly, neither am I, I just thought you might need the distraction."

That made Yuri smile, and he rolled back over to face Tei. "Sacrificing your body for my emotional needs? How generous."

"I can think of worse fates," said Tei. They smiled at each other for a moment. "Do you want to talk? Otherwise, I'm in the middle of a book."

Yuri thought about asking Tei about his damaged knee, and the previous owner who was likely responsible. What happened to Tei, to make him so afraid of imperfection?

But he looked at Tei's calm, happy expression and couldn't do it. 

"I've been talking all day," said Yuri. "Right now I need some peace and quiet."

"That, I can give you," said Tei.

"Thanks," said Yuri. "I appreciate it."

Maybe another day.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! 
> 
> I had somehow gotten the impression that the Korean school year ends in December, but it actually ends in February. This caused a few minor inconsistencies in earlier chapters, which I've fixed.

"Good morning Eri."

Eri blinked blearily and then flinched back as fast as her heavy limbs would let her. There was a face! Right in front of her! 

"Oh, I'm sorry, did I wake you?" As her eyes focussed she could see Yeonho staring at her with alarm, his face resting next to her pillow. 

"I...it's not that you woke me! I didn't expect to see you so close!"

He blushed and stood up. "Ah, I'm sorry. You just looked so...so restful that I wanted to get a better look."

"Um...thank you," she said, as her heart started to beat at a more reasonable pace. "But...not so close next time."

"Ok," he said. "But you're awake now, right?"

"Definitely," she said, dryly. She sat up and rubbed her face. "It's my day with you, right? What are we doing?" On her previous day with Yeonho he'd taken her to the ice cream parlour and they'd shared a sundae. Which had been lovely, but right now her stomach was still kind of full from the big dinner she'd had with Tei and Yuri the previous night, and tired from all the other things they'd done. Now that school had started back up, all these dates one after the other were starting to get a bit much, even with the days she got to herself. But she could hardly tell the boys that, they were still all so wound up from everything that had happened and needed to reassure themselves that they were still special to her. And they were, but... 

"I thought today could be restful," said Yeonho. "We all keep taking you out on dates, and it's got to be getting tiring. That's why I let you sleep in, even though I really wanted to wake you up and talk to you."

She looked up at him in surprise. "Yeonho..."

"Is that bad? We can go out if you want. I like going out with you! I just thought..."

"It's a wonderful, thoughtful idea," she said. "I really appreciate it. A restful day would be great."

Yeonho bounced happily on his toes. "Yay! Do you want to come down to have breakfast right away? Or would you rather rest in bed a little longer?"

"I want to lie in bed for as long as possible," she said. "School tomorrow doesn't start until eight, right?" 

"Heh," said Yeonho. "So you want me to let you get back to sleep?"

"No, I'm awake," she said. She reached for her phone and checked the time. It was nearly ten. Also, she had a message from Yeonho saying "You look really cute when you're asleep :)". She laughed and smiled at Yeonho. "You must be getting hungry, right? You should go have breakfast. I'll be down soon." 

He shook his head. "I want to eat it with you. I don't mind waiting."

"Then I'll get up," she said, pushing back the blanket. 

But Yeonho shook his head. "No, you said you wanted to rest."

" _Yeonho_." But he looked implacable, and she really did want to rest a little longer. "Fine. But just five more minutes."

He laughed. "Normally you're _asking_ for five more minutes."

"Yes, well, normally you're trying to get me _out_ of bed." They smiled at each other affectionately. "Are you just going to stand there? You should sit down." 

"Ok," he said, and sat back down on the floor next to her bed, resting his chin on the mattress and looking up at her. That wasn't what she'd meant, but it did mean she could play with his hair. 

"Is this all right?" she asked, keeping her touch light. 

"Mmm," said Yeonho. He closed his eyes and blushed slightly.

It was hard to figure out how to act around Yeonho. With everyone else, there was a clear difference between how they'd behaved around each other as friends, and how they'd behaved as a couple. But she and Yeonho had always been pretty comfortable around each other physically, and they'd been officially dating for barely a few minutes when she was....her head threatened to ache at her. When _whatever it was_ happened. 

She didn't want to make Yeonho feel weird, when he'd made it clear he wasn't interested in dating her again. But his hair felt so nice...

"What did you guys do last night?" he asked, his eyes still closed. "You came in pretty late."

"Oh no, did we wake you?" That was the problem with Yeonho sleeping in the loungeroom, it was hard for anyone coming in late not to wake him. She had a moment of guilt that she couldn't offer him a proper bed like everyone else. It really wasn't fair that he got the couch just because he was the shortest.

"Only for a moment," said Yeonho. "But I'm just curious."

"Are you sure you want me to go into it? Usually you guys get weird if I talk about time I spend with the other dolls..."

"I'm sure," said Yeonho. "I want to know everything about you, even the stuff you do when I'm not there. And I...I want to learn to not be jealous, when you spend time with the other dolls. I want to just be happy that you're happy."

Did he mean...he was trying not to be jealous of Red? Was he interested in trying to date her? Eri felt her heart speed up again, and not from fear. She tried to look at Yeonho's expression but he'd tilted his head away from her. She tried not to get her hopes up. Maybe he just wanted to be a better friend. 

And he _was_ being a good friend. A day where she could just relax, and didn't have to bite her tongue about the other guys...she could feel the release of tension she'd been trying to pretend wasn't there. She gave a long happy sigh and thought about the night before. 

"So," she said. "The reason we were late was that we went to a bookstore. But the reason for _that_ was that Yuri dragged us to a concert by some band where he knows the drummer. We ended up being late for our dinner reservations, and Tei said Yuri had to make it up to us." 

Even though Tei had acted annoyed, in his smiling way, Eri was pretty sure he'd actually really enjoyed the concert. At first Eri and Tei had just watched quietly, but Yuri's energy had been so infectious that by the end they'd both been waving their arms beside him, red faced with energetic enthusiasm. The small, quiet restaurant Tei chose for dinner had been nicely restful after all that exercise, and watching Tei drag Yuri to a bookstore had been amusing. 

"Did you have fun?"

She smiled. "Yeah." 

"I'm glad." Yeonho's smile was a little strained, but he was trying. "What book did you get?"

"Um...to be honest I just chose something with a cool cover. I think it might be science fiction? Or...a romance? I guess I'll find out when I read it!"

"Heh." Yeonho tilted his head to look up at her. "Are Yuri and Tei friends now? They never used to get along, and then Tei started inviting Yuri places all the time...but they still argue all the time."

Eri found it confusing too. She knew the real reason Tei "invited" Yuri on his dates with Eri, but they really had been getting along lately, in their own weird way. 

"I think they're friends, yeah," said Eri. "They do argue but...I think they enjoy it." 

"Really? Do _you_ enjoy it?" Yeonho was frowning slightly: any sort of argument always made him very anxious. 

"I don't like it when they're _really_ mean to each other," said Eri. "But when they're just being friendly...it's kind of cute. Like watching kittens play-fighting." 

Yeonho blinked. "I can't imagine Tei as a kitten. He's so mature!"

"Not always..." said Eri, remembering the way he'd passive aggressively needled Yuri when he'd realised they'd be late for dinner. 

"I'm glad you had a good time," said Yeonho, with a determined tone, like he was trying to convince himself as much a her. "I can see why you're tired now, though."

"Yeah," said Eri. "It will be nice having a quiet day with you today." Yeonho was so lovely. Without thinking about it, her hand drifted down to cup his cheek. 

Yeoo's eyes widened and his face went a little pink. Eri realised what she was doing and took back her hand, putting it into her lap. Maybe she shouldn't have played with his hair after all. 

"So, I hear your club is going on a trip soon?" she said, not meeting his eyes.

"Yes! I got asked to tell fortunes at a festival in the next district over." 

"That's amazing! I'm so proud of you." 

"Thanks." 

"Do you think you want to do this as a career?"

"A career?" He blinked. "I...I hadn't really thought about it. But...I'm going to have to get a job one day, aren't I? And be a grown-up?"

"Yeah," she said. "Not for a few years, but one day."

It was strange to imagine Yeonho grown up, able to take care of himself, with his own career. Maybe his own house, and family. It made Eri feel a little lonely. But she wanted him to be happy, didn't she?

Eventually, they would all grow up. As dolls, they'd been unchanging. Girls were expected to grow out of dolls, but she'd been determined not to, vowing to keep them even when she was an adult woman. But now that they were human, it seemed inevitable that they would outgrow _her_. 

Tei and Yuri were already on their way there. Yuri had been working from the start, but he'd only become a teacher to help their cover story and be around Eri. Him becoming a waiter...that was just a _job_. A job he shared with Tei, and not her. Right now Tei and Yuri were training together, and working together, and then later they'd go to sleep together in their shared room. They certainly saw a lot of each other these days...

Not that she was jealous, right? It was good for them to be friends, certainly better than when they'd always sniped at each other. Tei and Red would be adults next year, and the rest of them the year after that. They should _all_ be thinking about money, and careers, and a life beyond the little household they shared right now. How long would it be before they left her? 

Eri tried to imagine herself with an ordinary adult life: a job, a husband, kids. None of her dolls living with her, unless she ended up marrying Red. That's the kind of household she'd always wanted to live in, as a child. And marrying Red didn't sound so bad, even if thinking about it made her embarrassed. But even though she had to let the others go, she didn't want to. 

"I wonder if I'll get taller," said Yeonho, breaking her out of her reverie.

"I think you already are, a bit! We should measure you." 

"When we grow up, will you..." He looked away. "Will you still be our owner? All of us? Or will you...want to have your own family?"

"I will _always_ be your owner," she said. "No matter how old we get. You _are_ my family."

"But what if you want to...to get married?"

So he was worried about it too. She should encourage him to move on, but she just wanted to hold him close. Was that so bad?

"M-married? I..." She felt her face heat up. But it was a reasonable question. Most husbands wouldn't let their wives live this way. "I'm not going to marry anyone who doesn't accept my family." She hadn't thought about it like that before, but the moment she said it she knew it was true. She'd always liked the idea of getting married one day. But marriage was about creating families, not breaking them. Even if her dolls moved away from the house, they'd still be _hers_ , and noone was going to be allowed to interfere with that.

"Really?" Yeonho's face glowed with happiness and Eri's heart felt warm. 

"Yes," she said. And then she sighed. She loved him so much. So she should do what was right for him, not what she selfishly wanted for herself. "But...but that doesn't mean _you_ can't, um, get married and have your own family too. Or...live by yourself, or-"

" _No_ ," said Yeonho. His eyes went wide, and glistened with the hint of tears. "You want me to move out?" 

"N-no," said Eri. "Of course not. I just meant, when you get older, you might want to..."

He stood up and grabbed her hand, so tight it hurt a little, and pulled it to his chest. 

"I'm your doll!" he said, voice shaking. "I will _never_ want to leave you. Even if you and... even if you get...get married, and have children and...and have _grand_ children. Never. If you want me to go then I'll go. I know it's wrong and strange to want to...to always be with you, when you're with someone else. I know I can't...can't be the centre of your life. But I want to be with you as much as I can, and I always will."

 _You can't know that_ , thought Eri. People change. Feelings change. How could he possibly still want to be with her in ten, twenty, thirty years, when she had so little to offer? Even the thought of _Red_ wanting to stay with Eri that long seemed too much to hope for. How many highschool relationships lasted as long as a year, let alone a lifetime?

But Yeonho seemed so certain, and his words melted the cold fear she'd felt before. She should want him to move on, to make a new life for himself. But she didn't. She wanted him to stay with her, forever and ever. 

She threw her arms around him, leaning her head against his chest. "It's not wrong or strange. It's wonderful."

She felt him embrace her in return, and felt something on the top of her head that might have been a breath or kiss.

And then his stomach rumbled against her. 

"Ahh," said Yeonho, sounding mortified. 

Eri laughed and smiled up at Yeonho, at her wonderful, loving doll. "Come on, let's go eat breakfast together."


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! Life got Difficult for a while.

Teaching Tei had been annoying. But being taught by him was... something else.

"If you could say the list again," said Tei, smiling. He leaned forward and put his hand on Yuri's thigh. "But if at all possible, this time say it _correctly_." 

Yuri sighed and closed his eyes to better remember the ridiculously long list of teas. "Cha Cha Chai, Coco Loco N-" He hissed as Tei's nails dug into his leg. 

"Open your eyes," said Tei. "And smile. The customer should be the centre of your attention." Tei's hand moved higher and all thoughts of tea scattered.

"Do customers harass the staff like this?" said Yuri, leaning into Tei's touch despite his better judgement. 

"Sometimes," said Tei, brushing his other hand along Yuri's jaw, his breath hot against Yuri's ear. "If you ever feel uncomfortable, you should contact your supervisor."

"And what do if I do if my supervisor is-"

The break room door squeaked. Yuri quickly stepped backwards, and Tei smoothly shifted his hands. 

"Honestly," said Tei, tweaking Yuri's tie as as Zion entered the room. "How does this get so crooked so quickly?"

"Does it matter?" said Yuri, trying to hide his shortness of breath.

"Everything matters," said Tei.

"Don't be too tough on the new guy, Tei," said Zion. "Not everyone's as naturally perfect as you."

"Tei is entirely unnatural," said Yuri, darkly. But Tei just laughed.

By the time they headed home from work, Yuri was exhausted and _painfully_ turned on. This job was going to kill him. _Tei_ was going to kill him. Had Eri been this frustrated when Yuri hit on her at school? She was a saint to have forgiven him.

Yuri leaned closer to Tei, though not so close that any of the passing pedestrians would think anything weird was going on. "Are you trying to get me fired again?" he muttered. Not that Yuri had been _fired_ from teaching, exactly, since he'd already quit. But the principal had taken one look at them exiting the limo together on the first day back at school and politely suggested that Yuri take the rest of his remaining 30 days as leave. 

"If you get fired," said Tei. "It will be because you're rude to the customers and never remember the menu right." 

"I'm not rude," said Yuri. "I'm invigoratingly brisk. And the menu is ridiculous, nobody needs that many kinds of tea."

"I wouldn't say that in front of Mr Hobin or you really will get fired."

"Ha." Yeah, Yuri had already gotten an earful from the boss for not thinking it mattered whether he used Earl Grey or Marquise Grey. They tasted exactly the same! 

And then Tei said "I'm sorry." Not words Yuri tended to hear from him very often. 

Yuri made a dismissive gesture. "It's fine. I really am a little ruder than I should be." Yuri had high standards for service staff himself, he really should try harder to meet them. It was just that customers could be so _annoying_. 

"I'm sorry I got you _fired_ ," said Tei. "And that I'm risking it happening again. I should be more professional."

"You were barely touching me," said Yuri. "That principal just has a dirty mind. But if you could be a little less hands on at Banjul it would be appreciated, thank you. I want to keep _this_ job, at least until my band takes off."

"I'll do my best," said Tei. He added, in a whisper, "Even if you're attractive when you squirm."

Yuri felt himself flush. "This is why you're so twisted," he said. "You spend all day smiling at customers like a robot and then vent your frustrations on me. If you let yourself be a little rude sometimes it'd probably do you good."

"If I let myself be rude to customers, I wouldn't be doing my job properly." 

"You really want to put all your energy into being the world's best waiter?"

"Not forever," said Tei, as they reached the house. "But while this is my job, yes, I want to do it as well as I can. You'd do better to take it more seriously, too."

So Tei did want to move on from being a waiter? Good. He was ridiculously smart, even Banjul's generous wages weren't much compared to what Tei could be making as a...what? Doctor? Lawyer? Yuri could just imagine Tei in a courtroom, destroying his opponent's arguments with a gentle smile. Would he find his own place? He'd be a legal adult soon, he wouldn't want to be rooming with Yuri forever.

Which was fine, obviously. 

"I take it seriously," said Yuri. "I just wasn't _literally born a barista_. I'd like to see you try playing the drums."

As he entered the house, Yuri happened to glance towards the lounge room, and was confronted with the unpleasant image of Yeonho snuggled up to Eri on the couch. They were sharing a packet of chips and looked disgustingly cosy together. 

But hey, at least she wasn't alone. Yuri wan't sure how to touch Eri these days himself, it had been easier when he could be as flirtatious as he liked and she would reliably push him away. 

"Are you offering to let me play your drums?" said Tei, taking off his shoes. "Thanks! That could be fun."

Tei pushed Yuri away too, sometimes. But he didn't mean it. 

Teaching Tei the drums...hmm. Apparently the other Yuri had taught him the piano, so it should be possible. And seeing Tei let go in a flurry of chaotic energy would be something. 

"Ha!" said Yuri. "You'd probably play them like a metronome."

He was interrupted by a giggle from the couch.

"You're right," said Yeonho. "They _are_ like play-fighting kittens."

Yuri froze as he processed the words, and then he glared Yeonho. "What did you just call me, kiddo?" This boy really _was_ a child, and unlike Tei he had not earned the right to tease Yuri even a little.

"Um," said Yeonho, shrinking back against the couch. As he should. Little punk.

"You _are_ like kittens," said Eri, undaunted. "I think it's cute the way you play-fight."

Tei stepped towards the couch and loomed over her. When it was just the two of them, Yuri tended to think of Tei as short, but compared to Eri he was a giant. "Cute? Is that how you see me, young lady?"

"Yep," said Eri, staring up at him cheerfully. "You're cute. I might even go so far as to say adorable."

"Adorable!" Tei let out a theatrical little gasp. "Just me, or Yuri too? Can anyone that annoying really be adorable?"

Eri chuckled. "Definitely Yuri too, the way he's pouting right now is _very_ cute." 

"Hmm," said Tei, tilting his head and looking at Yuri. "You may have a point."

"I'm not pouting!" said Yuri. "I'm..." But Eri and Tei were both giving him indulgent, affectionate smiles and his mind went blank. Was he blushing? In front of _Yeonho_? "I'm going to get changed, after a day of being harassed by this _adorable_ man I need some time to myself."

"If you consider teaching harassment then we've all been harassed by you," said Tei. "Isn't that right Yeonho?"

Yeonho laughed awkwardly and didn't answer. 

The moment Tei entered the library Yuri slammed the door shut and pushed him against the wall. Tei opened his mouth but Yuri kissed him before he could say anything annoying, insistently teasing at his lips until Tei kissed him back. Yuri made a deep, satisfied groan but then Tei pulled away. "If you're going to be like that, put on some music."

"Ugh," said Yuri. "Does that brain of yours ever turn off?"

"No," said Tei. "Do you have anything by that band we saw last night?"

"Ghost Marsh? Yeah, I have their album." He grinned. "So, you really liked them?"

"They were certainly noisy," said Tei. 

"You loved it," said Yuri, scrolling through the music on his phone and then plugging it into the speakers on the desk. He put up the volume as loud as he could get away with without Lance banging on the door to complain. 

"And remember to hang up your waistcoat," added Tei, having to shout a little to be heard over the music. "I noticed a crease in it this morning."

Yuri turned to face Tei, took off his waistcoat, and dropped it pointedly onto the floor. Tei rolled his eyes and hung up his own waistcoat. While he was still facing the closet Yuri grabbed him from behind and kissed his neck, moving in time to the beat. "Now I've gotten you into Ghost Marsh," he said, "Maybe you're ready for something heavier."

Tei turned around in his arms and started undoing Yuri's shirt. "What's the end goal here, for me to enjoy incoherent screaming?"

"No," said Yuri. "It's for you to open your mind to-" 

Tei pulled Yuri close and kissed him. 

They ended up on the bed, Yuri straddling Tei and pushing his hands up under his vest to feel the heat of his skin while Tei pulled at his belt. "How are you so sexy?" said Yuri, too overcome to pretend indifference. At least when it came to Tei's body, he still didn't feel able to admit how much he liked Tei as a person. 

But he did like Tei. He liked Tei a lot. He was _happy_ , when he thought he'd never be happy again. Tei was still the same hypocritical creep Yuri had always despised, he was just also passionate and brilliant and _fun_ , and somehow...somehow Yuri didn't mind the bad parts so much any more. 

Maybe they could stay like this for a while. Maybe Tei could grow up and _not_ move out. After all, he was still obsessed with Eri. And she'd never kick them out. Yuri found he was getting more and more used to her being with Red, and to knowing she loved other men. He still loved her, but that love wasn't causing him so much pain any more. And sometimes he thought...maybe sharing her wouldn't be wouldn't being so bad, if he was sharing her with Tei. 

Would that mean ending things with Tei? Eri said she wouldn't mind sharing, and it wasn't like Yuri and Tei were romantic or anything, but maybe it would feel like disloyalty for her dolls, her boyfriends, to not be focussed entirely on her. And if Tei had Eri, would he even want to look at Yuri?

Why did Yuri feel like he'd still want to look at Tei?

"I could ask the same thing," said Tei. "I never thought..." He closed his eyes and let out a weak sigh. 

"You..." _You like me, right? You like this?_ Yuri leaned down to kiss Tei again before he could embarrass himself. Tei kissed him back, grasping at him and making a mess of Yuri's carefully styled hair, and he didn't even mind.

Yuri kissed a line down Tei's neck, pulling at the stupid little bowtie that Tei somehow managed to make look sexy. 

Tei let out a gasp. "Yuri..."

Damn it felt good to hear Tei say Yuri's name. Maybe he could get Tei to shout it so loud it rivalled the sound of the music...

"Yuri. Stop." 

Yuri stopped, and looked at Tei. His eyes were wide with fear. "What's wrong?" Had Yuri done something to upset him? But...

"Get off!" hissed Tei, craning his head as best he could to look behind. "I think I heard-" 

Yuri looked up. The door was open. 

He pushed himself off Tei as quickly as he could, but it was too late. There, standing in the doorway with an expression of horror, was Lance. And behind him, looking just as shocked...was Eri, staring at Yuri and Tei with wide, round eyes. 

Yuri backed away from the bed and realised his pants were falling down. He absently pulled them back up, and stepped over and turned off the speakers. The room was plunged into silence. 

"We'll come back later," said Eri, weakly.

"Wait!" said Tei, straightening his clothes as he stood up. "It's not..."

"Did that pervert force himself on you?" said Lance.

"What the hell?" said Yuri, taking another step away from Tei. "Of course I didn't!"

Tei stared at Yuri with frightened, desperate eyes. Yuri felt a flash of fear: would Tei try to pin this on Yuri, to seem innocent in front of Eri?

But then Tei shook his head. "It was my idea," he said. "I'm so sorry. I..." His voice gave out and he just clutched at his face and stared at Eri in misery. 

"Tei," said Eri, "You don't have to apologise! I'm...I'm really happy for both of you!" She didn't look happy.

"So are you two..." Lance looked between Yuri, Tei, and Eri, then stopped and rubbed his temples. "Never mind. It's none of my business. Yuri, when you're not busy, please let me know your work roster, so I can adjust the schedule."

"Uh...sure," said Yuri. He felt frozen, unable to even tell what he was feeling. He'd often thought about how he might tell Eri about him and Tei. But he'd never imagined anything like this. And Eri looked just as frozen as Yuri. What was she feeling? What was Tei?

"And pay attention when someone's knocking," added Lance, whose feelings Yuri didn't care about in the slightest. "Some things cannot be unseen." He gave a small shudder and then left, closing the door behind him.

"So," said Eri, "Um..."

"It's just physical," said Tei, in a low voice. "You have to believe me. I'll never love anyone but you." 

"Tei," said Eri, sadly. She frowned. "That's a really cruel thing to say to Yuri."

"Oh, no, it's fine," said Yuri. "I..." _I'll never love anyone but you either._ That was true, right? It had to be true. "I know we're just friends. We both felt a little lonely, that's all. It doesn't mean anything."

He and Tei had never actually described themselves as friends. They'd never described themselves as anything. Because they'd never _been_ anything, not really. 

"Oh," said Eri. "Well...as long as you're both ok with it, I'm...I'm glad for you."

"You don't even care?" said Tei. Why was he angry at _her_? 

"Why would I...I don't understand," said Eri. "Do you mean...because you're both guys? It's a little surprising, but... " 

_A little surprising_ , ha. 

"Eri," said Tei. "Do you think that matters to me? Do you think I've ever even looked at a woman who wasn't you?"

And then to Yuri's surprise and horror, Eri began to cry, a thin tear snaking down her soft cheeks. "But you looked at Yuri," she said, sniffling. Yuri had convinced himself he and Tei weren't doing anything wrong, but they'd caused Eri pain. A cold weight settled in his stomach. 

Tei's face lit up. "You do care!" 

"Tei!" said Yuri. What the hell was wrong with him? But Tei had always been awful. Yuri had always known exactly what he was, and what he wasn't. 

"I'm sorry!" said Eri, her voice muffled with tears. "I shouldn't! It's not fair for me to be jealous, when...when I'm cheating on _both_ of you. I'm really trying to be happy for you, and...and this is so much better than you being alone. I'm just...selfish."

"You're jealous of _me_?" said Yuri. "Because I get to be with _Tei?_ "

"I'm jealous of both of you," said Eri. "Because you get to be with each other, and I don't...I don't get to be with either of you."

Eri was jealous of Tei? Because she wanted Yuri for herself? Despite himself, Yuri felt a little curl of warmth in his chest. Maybe he was more like Tei than he wanted to admit. 

"But please, please don't let that stop you," said Eri. "I couldn't stand it if I got in the way of you finding happiness."

"This isn't happiness," said Tei. "It's a distraction. I still love you. Never question that."

She started to smile at him and then stopped herself. "But that's awful," she said. "You should be able to find love with someone else."

"But I don't want to," said Tei, softly. "And you don't want me to, not really. Because... you still love me."

Eri blushed, but she didn't look away. "Yes." 

Oh. 

"I..." Tei's breath stuttered. "How can you even bear to look at me?" His voice shook. "I betrayed you. I'm disgusting." 

"You didn't betray me, Tei," said Eri, her eyes shining. "And you're not disgusting! There's no shame in feeling lonely. I missed you too."

"But I hurt you..."

"Didn't I tell you I could deal with that? Didn't you promise me..." She broke off. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't...it's not fair for me to bring up the things we said, before. But you're still the same man. The one who stayed by my side, who made me breakfast and protected me and...and made me fall in love with him. Nothing's changed about that."

The cold weight in Yuri's stomach turned to a pit of nausea.

"Can you really still love me?" Tei's voice was soft and reverent, and shaking with fear. This was the vulnerable side of Tei that Yuri had only ever seen flashes of. Because the only person Tei wanted to show it to was her. "Do you still need me?" 

"I need you so much," said Eri. "No matter what happens, I'll always love you. I know...I know it hurts you that I..."

"It doesn't matter," whispered Tei. "If you really, truly still love me...if you still need me...I don't care." He pulled her close and Eri fell into his arms. 

What a lovely couple. So wrapped up in each other it was like no-one else was in the room. Yuri felt his heart twist and break. 

Tei leaned down to put his lips to hers, gently, like he was afraid to break her. Eri leaned up to meet him, eyes closed, a soft smile on her face. 

Yuri didn't quite manage to muffle his sound of pain.

"Yuri," said Eri, pulling away from Tei in shock. 

_Yes, I still exist, sorry_.

"Don't mind me," said Yuri, walking towards the door, like he should have at the start. "I'm very happy for the two of you." He gave a bitter laugh, making no effort to pretend sincerity. 

"Wait," said Tei.

Yuri slammed the door shut behind himself. He leaned against the thick wood and blinked back tears. 

"Yuri, are you ok?"

" _Fuck off_ ," said Yuri, and Yeonho backed away with a look of shock that reminded Yuri of Eri. Yuri groaned and wiped his hand over his face. "Sorry. I'm fine."

"Uh," said Yeonho. Yeah, Yuri wasn't painting a very convincing picture of _fine_ right now. "Wh-what's going on? Lance looked so angry before, and Eri's been in there a while..." He looked at Yuri with worried eyes. "Did you...did you and Tei have a fight?" 

Yuri let out a sharp laugh. "Not exactly."

"Should I go in? Are Eri and Tei ok?"

"I wouldn't go in there unless you want to see Tei's tongue halfway down Eri's throat."

Yeonho gaped at him. And then he was blinking back tears himself. "Oh. Oh, I...see."

"Yeah," said Yuri. Yeonho didn't know everything, but he understood enough. 

"I...I'll leave them alone, then," said Yeonho. He sounded miserable. This had been his day with Eri, after all. If Yuri was a better man, he'd try to comfort him.

"Good idea," said Yuri, and then he swore. 

"Yuri?"

"I...forgot something in my room."

"What?" said Yeonho. "Yuri, are you sure you want to-"

Yuri steeled himself to be prepared for anything. Yet when he entered the room he still stumbled a little. Tei was resting his head on Eri's lap, his eyes closed, and she smiled at him with soft affection as she played with his hair. 

Tei opened his eyes and looked up at him from Eri's lap and Yuri wished he was dead. "Yuri?"

"I...I promised not to leave you two alone," said Yuri, his voice hoarse. "And I am a man of my word."

"Oh," said Eri. 

"You don't have to worry about that any more," said Tei, sitting up. "You...you haven't for a while. I..." 

"Oh, good," said Yuri. "Because I'd rather set myself on fire."

"Don't go," said Tei, standing up and stepping towards him. The words did something strange to Yuri's heart. But then he added, "Not yet."

"What?" snapped Yuri. "Do you want to-"

Tei hugged him. Yuri had to take in a deep breath to keep his composure. 

"Thank you," said Tei, his voice warm and gentle in a way that made Yuri feel sharp and cold. "I couldn't have gotten here without you. Without your friendship."

"Yes," said Eri, smiling up at them. "You've been so good to Tei. To both of us."

_Not five minutes ago you caught me in bed with him_ , thought Yuri. Though it felt like a lifetime ago. He certainly wasn't in the mood for anything like that now. Tei's touch made him warm, but from embarrassment, and something more bittersweet. 

"I...I'm glad," said Yuri. "I want you both to be happy."

"We want you to be happy too!" said Eri, and then...oh god, she was hugging him too, stretching her arms around both of them, her smaller hand sitting on his back by Tei's larger ones. He wanted to cry.

They were the ones who hurt him, but they were the only ones who could offer him relief. 

"I have to get out of here," he said, pulling away while he had the strength.

"Yuri..." said Eri.

"I'm sorry," said Tei.

Yuri stumbled out of the room but heard them following behind him. Was there to be no escape?

"We have an announcement," said Tei, in a commanding voice that grabbed everyone's attention as Yuri fled into the bathroom. By the time he'd regained his composure enough to come out again it was clear that everyone knew. Red was doing his best to seem sincere as he offered them his congratulations, Lance had left to sulk, and Yeonho was watching with wide, miserable eyes.

Yuri gave Yeonho a manly pat on the back and he nearly fell over. "Don't worry, kiddo," said Yuri. "This doesn't change anything." It was a lie, but sometimes lies were better than the truth.

"Thanks, Yuri," said Yeonho. He let out a long sigh. "I'm glad they're both happy, but it's hard not to feel a little jealous."

"Yeah," said Yuri. "I know."


	14. Chapter 14

Everything was beautiful. The sun was brighter and the air was sweet. Tei's owner loved him again.

It felt like a dream. Tei lay in bed staring at the ceiling, reassuring himself that his memories of the day before were real. When he got out of bed, Eri would be waiting for him. His Eri, his owner, his love.

Not _just_ his, but she'd never really belonged to just him. Not even back on his own world. She had a bond with all of her dolls that transcended human concepts like boyfriend and girlfriend. None of them could lay a unique claim on her any more than any one worshipper could lay a unique claim on a god. 

And yet, she loved him. He mattered to her. She _needed_ him. Tei blinked back tears of joy. Why had it taken him so long to realise what he had? 

Tei sat up carefully, not wanting to disturb Yuri. He'd been out late last night, for a while Tei had worried he wouldn't come home at all. Under his brash, sleazy exterior Yuri hid a sensitive heart, and to him the events of yesterday must feel more like a nightmare than a dream. 

Yuri was beautiful in sleep. His long eyelashes fluttered above his chiseled cheeks, and the long smooth line of his body sprawled elegantly across the mattress. Tei slowly got out of bed and then gently pulled the blanket back over Yuri's sleeping form. Unlike the rest of them, Yuri didn't have school today. Not any more. It felt bad to leave him alone. But hopefully he'd sleep well, and feel better when he awoke.

Without meaning to, Tei brushed his hand across Yuri's cheek. Yuri twitched and blinked and then opened his eyes to blearily frown at Tei. 

"What?" 

"Nothing," said Tei. "Sorry, I was just pulling up the blanket."

"Hmm," said Yuri, reaching up to rub at his cheek. "Thanks, I suppose."

Tei smiled at him, his feelings a warm glow of affection spattered with dark blotches of guilt. "Go back to sleep. Unless you're hungry? I can cook whatever you like."

Yuri winced and looked a little green. "Don't talk to me about food right now."

"Alright," said Tei, laughing. "I'll see you after school."

"Wait." Yuri sat up, then pulled the blanket up to cover his chest. Was he cold or self conscious? "Before you go..." Yuri stopped and looked away. Self conscious, then. 

Tei waited while Yuri gathered his thoughts. But he just sat there in silence, staring at nothing. Then shook his head. "Never mind. See you later."

Tei had some idea what might be bothering him. "Do you want to know where we stand?"

Yuri let out a short laugh, and then took in a shaky breath. "Obviously, where we stand is that there is no 'we'." Yuri turned to Tei with a sharp smile. "Prince Sunshine has his princess, he's not going to _sully himself_ with a sordid affair."

Oh no. The things Tei had said about Yuri, the way he'd acted...

"I...I made you feel dirty," said Tei. "No, it was me, I'm the one who-" 

"Oh my _god_." Yuri rolled his eyes theatrically. "You think you _hurt my feelings_? I'm not twisted like you, Tei. I _like_ sex. And I like myself. You should feel _honoured_ that I even _looked_ at a freak like you."

"I do." 

Yuri could never offer Tei what Eri did. But he'd given so much. So much more than Tei had hoped for, or could ever deserve.

Whatever Yuri saw in Tei's eyes made him look away and blink his eyes. "You were only ever a distraction. One I can easily replace. My problem, you disgusting man, is that you're with the woman I love, and there's nothing I can do about it."

"Yuri, I swear on my life, I will treat her with nothing but-" 

"Red wouldn't even think of hurting her, did that make it ok for you?"

"No." And if the situation had been reversed, it would have crushed Tei to pieces. "I know you must hate me. I know how much it must hurt. But Yuri, you don't have to-" Tei stopped himself. Did he really want to suggest that Yuri follow Tei's lead? Tei already had to share his owner with one other doll, why would he want to make it two? And Yuri had already said he didn't want to share. 

"Shut up. I don't need your pity. Just go to school with your girlfriend and leave me in peace."

"I...ok, Yuri. Good bye."

Tei closed the door behind him and walked to the kitchen. At some point he must have turned on the tap, but he didn't realise he'd just been staring at the water running into the drain until he felt a gentle tap on his shoulder and a soft, sweet voice by his ear.

"Are you ok?" Eri reached over and turned off the tap, her hand a grounding presence on his shoulder bringing him back to reality.

"I am now that you're here." Tei pulled Eri into his arms and buried his face in her hair. He took a deep breath and the familiar scent filled his senses, a balm to his tattered spirit. 

Eri wrapped her arms around him and sighed. "If you've changed your mind..."

He squeezed her tighter. "No! No, I'm never letting you go again, no matter what. Why-" His voice cracked with fear. "Did Red say something?" Of course Red had said something. He had the prior claim. Tei had only just gotten Eri back and he was going to lose her again.

"No, Tei, it's ok." Eri wasn't strong enough to squeeze him very tight but she did her best, and the pressure of her arms around him helped him keep from descending into panic. "Red understands. And I'm never letting you go again either! I just thought you looked sad."

His heart stopped trying to escape his chest. "How could I be sad with you in my arms?"

"Tei..."

But it was a good question. How _could_ he be sad? His owner loved him, and was happy with him. He should be more joyful than he could stand. So what if Yuri had been hurt in the process? He was just another doll. His feelings didn't matter.

"I used him." Tei whispered into Eri's hair, not knowing if she could even hear his confession. "I used him and then I threw him away. All I do is cause pain to-" To who? To those he cared about? Was he putting Yuri in the same category as _her_? 

Eri sighed and Tei felt weak in her arms. She should destroy him for everything he'd done. 

"Tei, you didn't do anything wrong. You were both lonely...I'm glad you became friends." She looked up at him. "Do you think you can still be friends now?"

It was like she was his mirror image: Tei made everything sordid, while she made everything innocent, and clean. "Eri, I can't, not when I'm with you. And he doesn't want that either."

Eri blushed. "I didn't mean...that sort of friend. I just mean _friends_. You can still do that, can't you?"

"I don't know. I'm not sure he can forgive me for being with you." 

"Oh." She sighed and leaned against him. "I was hoping he would talk to you. He...he wouldn't talk to me. He looked so sad last night. I think we- I really hurt him."

"Yes," said Tei. And why wouldn't Yuri be hurt? Tei wouldn't insult Yuri by equating what he'd shared with Tei to his love for his owner. But they'd had something. And now Yuri had nothing at all.

For a while Tei and Eri stood there in silence, holding each other. Despite everything, Tei felt his mood slowly lift. He'd missed this so much. No matter what else happened, no matter the consequences for himself or anyone else, he couldn't regret being back here in her arms. 

Eri sighed. "This is all my fault. I shouldn't-" 

He put a finger over her lips. "None of that. You are wonderful and perfect and did nothing wrong. Are we clear?"

She burrowed her head into his chest and muttered "Mmmph."

He carefully grabbed her chin and tilted her head up towards him. "What was that, miss?"

"I said _mmph_."

"I'm sorry, could you repeat that again?"

"Mmm-" He kissed her. She kissed him back, leaning up on her tiptoes with a happy hum. Her lips were sweet and he drank her in. Anyone could see them here, he shouldn't give into temptation. But he couldn't resist, not after so long. 

They were interrupted by a cough. Lance stood at the entrance to the kitchen, looking sour. 

"Good morning, Lance," said Tei, too happy to fake _contrite_ , and so settling for _friendly_. "How do you feel about scrambled eggs?"

"Ambivalent. Should I take it that you wish to swap days with me?" 

Right, Eri wasn't going to be spending today thinking about _Lance_. Might as well make it official.

"Yes, if you could organise that I'd be very grateful. Are you ok with that, Eri?" He brushed his hand against her side, where Lance couldn't see, and revelled in the way it made her blush.

"Yes. Thank you so much Lance, I'm sorry about this. We'll have to do something extra special on Wednesday."

"It's fine."

"No, I really appreciate it," said Tei. "I'll cook you anything you like."

Lance stared at him for a moment more, then sighed. "Scrambled eggs are fine."

Soon the others joined them. In many ways it was just another breakfast with the family, but now every time Eri smiled in Tei's direction his heart sang a little louder, and while they couldn't touch as much as he would have liked he could still brush against her fingertips when he passed her food, and let their feet touch under the table. And he knew she was his.

Of course he wasn't the only one feeling different.

Lance politely thanked Tei for breakfast, but was otherwise silent. Yeonho tried to be cheerful, but it rang a little false. Red didn't try to fake cheerfulness at all, he just pushed his eggs around his plate and stared at Eri and sighed. Tei was going to have to deal with that boy, before he made things difficult for Eri.

And Yuri...Yuri didn't leave his room at all. Tei put a plate for him in the fridge and sent a message to say it was there. He got no reply.

"So I suppose we'll all be taking the bus today," said Lance. The two of them were alone by the door while they waited for the others to finish getting ready. 

"It would seem so," said Tei.

Lance lowered his voice. "Is Yuri...are you..." 

_What happened to it being none of your business, Lance?_

"Yuri respects my commitment to the owner. He just needs a little time to himself while he adjusts. Yesterday was quite a shock." 

"Your _commitment_ , I see." Lance snorted. Under his breath he muttered "Yuri's not the only one who had shock yesterday." Was he judging Tei for looking at someone other than her? Well, it was no more than he deserved.

"I'm sorry you had to see that. It won't happen again."

"Good." Lance leaned down and started to tie his shoelaces. Without looking up he added "Sorry. I'm being petty. What you did before doesn't matter. I know you love her, and will treat her well. Better than _he_ does." 

"I don't know about that," said Tei. Not wanting Lance to worry, he added, "I think you underestimate Red. But thank you."

The bus was wonderfully crowded, and Eri was pressed up against Tei the whole way. So were many other people, but he barely noticed that they were there. When they had to seperate at the gate it was like letting go of a part of his soul.

"I envy you, Red," he said, as the two of them walked towards their classroom. "In a few months, you won't have to leave her behind when we get to school."

"Uh...yeah," said Red. "That'll be nice." His voice was weak, like he was on the verge of tears. Tei sighed silently to himself.

"Red...are you alright? We haven't had a chance to talk since yesterday. I realise this must be difficult for you." 

"I'm fine!" said Red, turning away his face. As if his emotions weren't crystal clear from his voice. 

"You know I'm not replacing you. I'm just-"

"So...it's your day with her today, right? Lance..." Red sniffed. "Lance sent me a message. Will you be ha-having lunch? With E-Eri?"

"I was planning to," said Tei. "Just like I'm sure Lance was before." He put his hand on Red's shoulder. "Nothing's going to change, Red. Not for you."

"Nothing?" Red stopped walking, and hung his head. "Nothing's changed? Then why do I feel..." He turned to face Tei, his eyes red and damp with tears. "Why do I feel like this? What do I do?"

Tei sighed. "I'd be worried if you weren't upset. If our situations were reversed...I don't think I'd have handled things as well as you have."

"But I shouldn't be upset. I agreed to be ok with this!"

"She's your owner. Of course you want her to look at no-one but you. We all do. What we want is impossible, so we compromise, but...it's ok to be upset about it. Especially when she's not around to see."

"But you're not upset."

Ha.

"Not today," said Tei. "Today I'm just happy I get to be with her at all. But for the past few weeks...I don't know, maybe you couldn't see it. But I was...pretty messed up. And tomorrow...who knows." He patted Red on the head, and let himself be more honest than usual. "Maybe I'll kill you in a jealous rage."

Red blinked at him and then laughed weakly. He gently punched Tei on the shoulder. "Just you try it. I'm tougher than I look."

"So am I."

"Heh." Red gave a wobbly smile, his face still damp with tears. "Thanks for trying to cheer me up. We should get to class before we're late." 

"I'll say you weren't feeling well," said Tei. "It's not like anyone will check with the nurse." If Red showed up to class looking like this, everyone would ask what was wrong, and Red was a terrible liar. There was no way Tei was going to let any of those brats think ill of Eri.

"Heh, right." Red sniffed and wiped his eyes. "Even the other teachers don't want to talk to that guy." He leaned his head against the wall and closed his eyes, his lip wobbling as another tear rolled down his splotchy red face. "Ugh. Sorry I'm being such a baby."

"You're not being a baby."

"Yes I am. I'm so...ugh!" He banged his head against the wall, then slid down to sit on the floor. He looked up at Tei. "This would be easier if I could hate you. But you're so nice! And handsome! And good at everything! So I like you, but I'm just... _so jealous_. I..." He screwed up his face until his eyes were shut. "Urrrgh. I feel so useless, I just want to run away again, so I don't have to see you with her, being so much better than me."

Tei sighed and sat down on the floor beside Red. "I'm not better than you, Red. I'm really not." 

"Really? Name one way you're not. Because you seem pretty perfect from where I'm sitting!"

"That says more about you than me." Tei enjoyed the way Red looked up to him, and could only imagine the disaster if he revealed the depths of his corrupted soul. But he needed to step off the pedestal Red had put him on before Eri got hurt. 

"Hmm?"

"You only see the good in me, because that's all I've ever shown you. It's all I ever show anyone. But... it's a lie." Red just stared at him, uncomprehending. "They may call me Prince Sunshine but that's just the surface. I'm...I'm a lot gloomier than you might expect." _Gloomy_. That was what Yuri used to call Tei. He was the only one who'd seen it. The only one other than her who'd understood. "And very difficult...I've caused Eri so much trouble. You can't imagine how much...how much trouble I've been." He couldn't bring himself to admit to hurting her. He could barely admit it to himself. Even admitting this much to Red made Tei's heart race with fear.

"I bet you weren't as much trouble as me."

Tei laughed and tried to keep his voice steady. "You'd be surprised. I am grateful every day that she has seen my true heart yet still sees good in me."

"Yeah, she...she really loves you."

"She loves you too."

"I guess..." Red scrubbed his face., "No, I know she does. I do. I just...I don't understand why she would, now she has you. What good am I?"

"Red. She fell in love with _Yuri and Lance_. She clearly has terrible taste in men. Just be grateful that it includes us." He sent a silent apology to Eri. It felt almost blasphemous to insult her in any way. But she wasn't actually perfect. After all, she'd fallen in love with him.

Red snickered. "That's really mean," he said, approvingly. Then he sighed. "But I don't want to take her love for granted. I want to deserve it."

"If you ever figure out how, let me know."

"But you..." Red looked at him seriously. "The you in my world didn't think he deserved her either. He said I'd be better for her than him. I appreciated it, but never understood why..."

"You don't need to understand," said Tei.

"No, but I want to. You've been so nice to me about all this. Are _you_ ok? Do you want to talk about...stuff?"

The thought of trying to explain the horrifying mess of Tei's psyche to Red was so awful it was funny. But Tei was touched by Red's concern, regardless. "You really have grown up, haven't you?"

"What do you mean, _grown up_. I'm the same age as you!"

"I never said I wasn't growing up too. Maybe...maybe one day I'll feel grown up enough to tell you why I don't deserve..." He couldn't finish the sentence. "I appreciate your concern. But I'm...I'm close enough to ok to get by."

"Ok. But if you ever need me, I'm here. Us...members of the Eri's boyfriends club have got to stick together, right?"

Red was such a sweet, ridiculous boy. It was impossible not to like him a little, even when he'd stolen part of Tei's owner's heart. "Nobody told me I got to join a club. Is it very exclusive? Do I have to pay a fee?"

"Uh...yeah. It's super exclusive! Invitation only! And you gotta stay by Eri's side and protect her and love her forever." Red smiled, and really meant it this time. "Are you up for that?"

"Yes." It was all he lived for. 

"And...you can't try and break Eri up with her other boyfriends, or be a jerk about them dating, even if you get really jealous. And...if there's a problem, you have to talk about it, instead of letting things get weird." 

"Hmm. That's a lot of rules." Tei hadn't been _actively planning_ on trying to break up Eri and Red, but he'd definitely been considering his options, most of which would very much fall under the category of "being a jerk". 

"Uh...yeah, I guess."

But hadn't he promised Eri that he wouldn't be that kind of man? Hadn't he promised himself? And...he could always break his promise if need be.

Tei stuck out his hand. "I accept. Where do I sign?"

Red laughed and grabbed his hand, pumping it up and down in a tight, warm grip. "In your heart!"

Tei snickered.

"Was that too cheesy?"

"It was just the right amount of cheesy," said Tei. "Consider my heart signed, fellow club member."

"Glad to hear it, fellow club member!"

Tei patted him on the back, and stood up. "Now we probably _should_ get to class, before we both end up having to repeat the year." Actually, that had a certain appeal...but no, it was too late for that. And Tei didn't need to compete with Red. They had their own ways of being with her. 

He reached out his hand, and Red took it. And then, standing together, the two of them made their way to class, side by side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing from Tei's point of view is always _quite a trip_.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has a content note but it's a bit of a spoiler so I put it in the endnotes. I think most people who are ok with canon would be ok with this chapter, but I know triggers can be weird!

In many ways, Tei was right: nothing changed. 

Red's anxiety had conjured visions of Eri losing all interest in him, and having eyes only for Tei. He'd prepared himself to have to watch them making out on the couch or declaring their eternal love over breakfast.

But none of that happened. Eri was as affectionate towards Red as ever, maybe even more: every now and then she'd ask if he was _really_ ok with her being with Tei, and every time Red said yes she gave an adorable smile and hugged him and he felt like the happiest man in the world. And while Red knew intellectually that Tei and Eri did kiss, he'd never seen it. In front of other people Tei was always the perfect gentleman. He was sometimes very mildly flirtatious, and would kiss Eri's hand or touch her cheek with an intense look in his eyes, but compared to the way Yuri used to behave it was nothing. (Yuri had stopped flirting with Eri altogether. Red had no idea why, but he was hardly going to complain about it) 

Eri _was_ different around Tei. She smiled at him more, and sometime he'd say something seemingly innocent and she'd blush or squeal. But Red found he didn't mind as much as he'd thought he would. She still loved _him_ , and seeing her so happy around Tei was actually kind of nice. It turned out, seeing her happy _always_ felt good, even if the reason was another guy. 

Red had expected to feel inferior to Tei, and he did a little, but it wasn't as bad as before. Knowing that Eri wasn't going to choose Tei _instead_ of him made up for a lot. And sure, Red wasn't as smart or smoothly charming as Tei, but he also didn't take Eri on dates to the _library_.

"Come on, Tei," said Red. "Can't you put off the assignment until tomorrow? Have a little fun with your lunch-break."

"Hanging out with Tei is always fun," said Eri. "And I'm...kind of behind on my homework. If I have to study anyway, it'll be nice to do it together."

"I guess," said Red. Did she want to have study dates with him, too? Hmm. Actually, that might be the one thing that would make studying bearable. "But you barely started dating again, and he's going to be at work all night. Don't you want to do something more romantic while you have the chance?" Tei had used up his day with Eri this week already, but obviously right now she was going to spend all the time with him she could get. Red was _mostly_ not taking it personally. 

"Studying can be romantic," said Tei. "If you're with the right person." He gave Eri a heated look and she blushed. 

"Well, as long as you're both happy," said Red. " _I'm_ going to spend my lunch-break eating this big pile of bread, and then after school I'm to go home and watch a big pile of TV."

"You're not going to work on the assignment?" said Tei. 

"Eh....I was just going to throw something together on the last day," said Red. When he saw the disappointed looks the other two were giving him he added defensively "I've already failed the year, what's the point?"

"Preparing yourself for next year," said Tei, seriously. "You should get into good study habits now, while you have the chance. Then you can go into the next academic year with the right attitude. You have to think about your future. You have a responsibility to help take care of the owner."

"Tei," said Eri. "Red should care about his future for _his_ sake." She turned to him. "But you should care, for your own sake. Um. Not that I'm always very good at studying myself...but I'm a bad role model!"

"Yeah, ok," said Red, with a beleaguered sigh. "I'll look at the assignment when I get home." 

"Thank you," said Tei. "We can discuss it when I get back from work. And I'll send you an email with the sources I've found."

"Hey, thanks!"

"It's no trouble. But you have to promise to read them, ok?"

"I promise! I'll work super hard, and get an A! Or, uh, at least not an F."

Tei smiled. "I'll hold you to that."

Red was fired up by this conversation that he didn't even wait until he got home to read the assignment sheet. He put down the bread he was eating and rifled through his bag until he found the crumpled piece of paper.

> Part One: Read Chapter 17 of the textbook. 

Wow, one whole part was just _reading?_ He could do reading! He'd just grab his textbook, and...wait, did he _have_ the textbook? Hmm. Hey, they'd have a copy in the library, right? And if he _happened_ to bump into Tei and Eri...well, maybe they could all study together.

But when he got to the library he couldn't see Eri or Tei. He did find a copy of the textbook, with the help of one of the librarians. And then that same librarian had the gall to try and take it off him when she saw him eating while he read. He didn't understand why librarians were so uptight about food, eating helped you think!

Time to retreat to a safer location. Unfortunately the library seemed to have been deliberately set up to make it easy for the librarians to keep an eye on every inch of it without getting up from their desk. After some careful reconnaissance, Red struck pay-dirt: the magazine room. It was right at the back of the library, with a squeaky door, no windows, a single desk, and just enough shelves to block the view from the door. He doubted anyone would be coming in to bother him, unless they had a strange desire to read copies of K Scene from 2001.

He bunched up his jacket to make the floor as comfy as possible, and then moved a trolley in front of himself to be extra safe from the prying eyes of any librarians. Placing the half eaten pile of bread by his side, he opened up his textbook and settled in to read. 

Wait, chapter 17 was about ancestor worship? Ugh. Boring. Red didn't even _have_ ancestors. But he would prevail!

Some time later, Red woke from sleep with a start, the first page of the chapter still open in his lap. He could hear voices- had the librarians come for him? There were two people, a boy and a girl. They sounded familiar...people from his class, maybe?

The voices weren't talking about schoolwork though. They weren't talking at all, more...groaning. Red had heard people making noises like that in certain special sorts of video, but never in real life before. The couple obviously didn't realise he was here- should he say something? He wouldn't want someone to hear him doing anything like that. Not that he ever would do something like that at _school_. Probably. 

Red hadn't had the chance to find out what he actually would and wouldn't do when it came to this stuff. Eri was so easily embarrassed on the subject that he'd been too shy to even ask. What if she said yes because she wanted to make him happy, but secretly felt bad about it? From talking to other guys about their girlfriends, Red got the impression that girls always had to be cajoled into anything more than kissing, and the idea of doing that to Eri made Red feel gross. Girls in videos always pretended to be enthusiastic, but even Red could tell they were acting. He'd rather stay inexperienced forever than see Eri force herself to act like that.

This girl didn't seem to be acting though. She was trying to stay quiet, but kept making little gasps despite herself. The guy would gasp in return and whisper encouragement, Red couldn't make out most of the words but there was a lot of "I love you"s, which was...kind of sweet, in a _oh god how did I get into this situation this is so gross_ kind of way. 

This situation would actually be pretty sexy in a video acted out by strangers! It was not at _all_ sexy to experience in real life, especially since it seemed likely that the couple were people he knew. Was it Minsoo and his latest girl? Minsoo was always boasting about the weird places he'd persuaded girls to do stuff with him. The guy's voice sounded higher than Minsoo's, though. 

They were taking so _long_. Why couldn't they just finish and leave? Didn't they have...homework or food to eat or something? 

The girl's gasps started getting faster. Finally! And then Red heard a soft, breathless _Tei_.

What? 

Was it a different Tei? But no, there was only one Tei at this school. Was he _cheating on Eri_? But he loved her! Had this girl seduced him? Red had previously been feeling vaguely positive towards this girl, and guilty about hearing her do something so private. But how dare she steal Eri's boyfriend?!

Although...Eri had _said_ they could see other girls if they wanted. Red hadn't felt any interest in doing so, and he'd assumed Tei felt the same way, what with how obsessively focussed on Eri he was. It felt very wrong to hear Tei say "I love you" to anyone else, but as long as he still loved Eri...maybe it was ok? It was weird he'd never mentioned it though. Did Eri know?

Red decided to give Tei the benefit of the doubt. They were supposed to be on the same team, after all. He'd ask him about it...afterwards, when everyone had their clothes on and wasn't making weird noises.

Just as Red was pondering putting his headphones in and drowning out the noises coming from behind the bookcase, he heard a noise- not from the couple, but from the door! Oh no, someone was coming!

However Red might feel about this girl, he had seen what happened to girls at this school who got a reputation for being easy, and nobody deserved that.

Time to act as a decoy! He stood up and yawned loudly, grateful for all his experience with acting. "Boy," he said, projecting as loudly as he could. "I have been studying super hard!" 

A voice on the other side of the bookcase gasped "Red?!" A _very_ familiar voice, it almost sounded like...

Red pushed the trolley out of the way and rushed to the other side of the bookcase. And there, sitting in a chair and looking as embarrassed as he felt, was Eri. Tei was standing beside her, looking more surprised than embarrassed and wiping his hand on a handkerchief. They were both entirely clothed, with a bunch of books open on the table beside them, and Red could almost have convinced himself that he'd dreamed the whole thing if it wasn't for the bright flush on Eri's cheeks. 

"Uh..." He was at a loss for words. The girl was _Eri_?! He felt something strange settle in his chest, not jealousy exactly but something like fear, a creeping awareness that Eri would never be entirely known to him, no matter how close they got.

"I'm sorry!" said Eri.

"Red," said Tei, slowly. "Why don't you come over here next to _your girlfriend_ , and the three of us can get _back to studying_?"

"Right!" said Red, "Studying!" He stepped towards Eri. She looked _miserable_. Did she think he was angry at her? He was certainly _surprised_ , but...it's not like she'd ever said she wasn't going to do... _that_ with Tei. He'd certainly thought about doing it with her himself. A lot. 

But this wasn't the time to think about that! He put his hand on her shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Hey," he said softly. "I...I'm glad you had fun on your date."  

She looked up at him in surprise. But before she could reply, Minsoo came around the corner, with his arm around some girl Red had never seen before- was that a _middle school_ uniform? Ew.

Minsoo raised his eyebrows. "What are you guys doing here?"

"Studying!" said Red. 

"Huh. Well, I'm giving Seulki here a _private_ tour of the school. So if you could..."

"Hi Seulki!" said Red. "I'm Red. This is the magazine room!"

"Wow," said Seulki, sounding bored. "I'd never have guessed."

"Really? I mean, there's a lot of magazines..."

"Welcome to Crobi Academy, Seulki," said Tei. "Are you thinking of coming here when you get a little older? I'm surprised Minsoo has time to give you such a thorough tour when he's been so busy with his girlfriend."

"...his what?" Seulki stepped out of Minsoo's embrace and glared at him.

" _Tei_ ," hissed Minsoo. He held up his hands placatingly and pouted sadly at Seulki. "She's not really my girlfriend, she's just this chick who hangs around me. You're the one I really..."

"Shut it!" snapped Seulki, slapping away Minsoo's hand as he reached towards her. "My friends all told me you were a creep, but I didn't listen, and now I've wasted my whole lunch break walking around this stupid school while you tried to get your hand down my shirt. You're not even a good kisser!" She turned around and stomped away, slamming the door behind her.

"Baby, wait!" cried Minsoo. He left to follow after her, but barely took a few steps before giving up and turning back around to slam the door closed and glare at Tei. "What ever happened to the bro code, dude?"

"The what?" said Tei. 

"Bros before hos? Never get in the way of a fellow bro when he's chasing a girl?"

"I'm sorry," said Tei, with a bland smile. "Nobody ever explained any such code to me. And I was not aware that you and I were 'bro's."

"Wow. You think because you're more popular than me, you can treat me like dirt?" said Minsoo, walking up to stare at Tei. They were about the same height, but Minsoo raised himself up on his toes to look taller. "Everyone goes on about how great you are, but if you ask me, you're kind of a weirdo."

"Is that so?" said Tei.

"Yeah," said Minsoo. "It is. You're oh-so-nice on the surface, but something's _off_. This isn't the first time you've gotten in my way like this. And why haven't you ever had a girlfriend? All these hot girls around you, and you don't even touch them! And you have this weird vibe, it's kind of...kind of _girly_. Are you even a real man?"

Tei smiled. "As opposed to an artificial one?" 

"As opposed to a..." Minsoo waved his hand in the air for a while, looking for inspiration, and then stopped and stared at Tei triumphantly. "As opposed to a _gay_ one. Is that your secret, Tei? Do you keep rejecting all those girls because you're pining over some guy?"

"What?" said Red. Gay? _Tei_? Was Minsoo just reaching for the worst thing he could think of to get back at Tei for scaring off that girl?

"Watch your back, Red," said Minsoo. "Maybe it's you he's after."

Tei just laughed. It _was_ pretty funny. Tei did have a secret, but it wasn't that he was into _Red_.

"He...he's not gay!" Eri stood up. "Just because he's...he's not a creep like you, that doesn't make him not a man! More guys should be like Tei!"

"Nobody asked you, Red's girlfriend," said Minsoo. 

"Her name is _Eri_ ," said Red. If Minsoo insulted her again he was going to get a punch in the face. "And she's right. Tei's not gay, he's just _nice_."

"Not that it would be bad if he _was_ gay," said Eri. "Which he isn't. But even if he was. Being gay or, um...bisexual...or anything like that...isn't bad! It's a lot better than being a creep!" She took a breath. "But, um, he's not. So you should leave him alone!"

"Yeah!" said Red. "Everything she just said!" He didn't realise Eri cared so much about gay people, but she was right. As far as he knew, there were no actual gay kids at the school, but there were rumours sometimes, and they got really mean. Red was _very much_ into girls himself, but didn't see why it was a big deal that some guys were into other guys or whatever. Then again, he didn't understand why people were so mean to each other in general. Especially creeps like Minsoo, who could stand to look at their own behaviour a little more instead of attacking a great guy like Tei.

Tei sighed. "Thank you, Eri, Red. But it's fine, I don't care what Minsoo thinks of me." He managed to make Minsoo's name sound like an insult, and stared back at him with a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "Can we get back to our assignment now? Some of us would rather graduate high-school than hang out with middle schoolers." 

"Whatever," said Minsoo. "But don't mess with me again, Tei."

"Or what?" said Tei. His expression didn't change much, but there was something about the way his eyes glinted that made even Red feel a little unsettled.

"Uh," said Minsoo. He took a step back. "Just...don't."

"Goodbye, Minsoo," said Tei. 

"Uh..." Unable to think of a reply, Minsoo just turned and walked away.

"Haha!" said Red. He grinned at Tei. "That was pretty badass. You can actually be kind of scary!"

Tei turned his cold eyes towards Red and he nearly had to take a step back himself. "Keep your voice down," said Tei softly. "You can never know who's listening."

Oh. Right.

"I didn't mean to listen!" whispered Red. "I swear!"

"I see," said Tei, not sounding very convinced. "So you were just...hiding in here for no reason, and chose not to announce your presence when we came in?"

"I was having a nap! And then I woke up and you were already...it was kind of too late, you know? I thought...well, I didn't realise it was you guys at first, but I thought whoever it was would be pretty embarrassed if I said hi. So I was just...uh...waiting for you to be...done." 

"Ahhhh," said Eri, covering her face. "Oh god I can't believe you were there the whole time, I want to _die_." She peered at Red through her fingers. "Um. Are you ok? That must have been pretty...weird to...ahhh I can't even say it!!"

She was so adorable. Red had been feeling weird about Eri since finding out that she wasn't quite as innocent as he'd assumed: how much else about her was he wrong about? But Eri was still his cute, bashful owner. And knowing she was embarrassed too helped him get his own awkward feelings under control. 

"It...was a bit embarrassing, yeah," said Red. "But...I'm pretty sure it's more embarrassing for you than me." He still felt pretty weird about the whole thing, but he didn't want to be a jerk about it. Not when Eri looked so distressed.

Eri groaned from behind her hands. "I don't think it's possible to be more embarrassed than I am right now. And then that creep showed up and I thought he heard something and I nearly had a heart attack!"

"Haha me too," said Red. "Really bad timing, right?"

"The worst!" Eri laughed weakly. "I'm glad Tei scared him off, but..." She looked up at Tei over her fingers with a pink faced pout. "I told you this was a bad idea!"

"Yes, you did," said Tei. "I'm sorry, I just..." He sighed. "There's no excuse. This is my fault."

"I'm the one who let you convince me," said Eri. "And nothing bad actually happened, apart from me and Red being really embarrassed. And...you too, probably, even if you hide it better than us."

"Embarrassed? Ha..." He took a deep breath. "Ashamed might be a better word. I'm truly sorry, Eri. And you, Red...I can't imagine how you must feel..."

Red shrugged and tried to give off an air of cool detachment. He didn't want to look like a baby who couldn't handle things maturely. "It's not like I didn't know you two were dating." Did Tei know that Eri and Red hadn't done anything like that? Eri certainly hadn't given Red the slightest hint of what she'd been doing with Tei. What exactly _had_ she been doing with Tei? And for how long? He couldn't ask those kinds of questions right now but he wanted to know _desperately_. 

"It's alright, Tei," said Eri. She took his hand and rubbed the back of it with her thumb. "We don't mind, ok?"

She was using a soothing tone, like you might use with a frightened child. Did she think Tei was upset? His voice _was_ a little shaky. It was strange to think of Tei as the one needing comfort, but Eri knew him better than Red did. And Tei probably wouldn't want to look weak in front of Red any more than Red liked looking weak in front of him. 

Red was feeling pretty weak right now himself.

"So, uh, I'll get going to class, hey?" said Red. 

"No," said Tei, his voice shaking even more. "Don't let me get in between you and the owner."

"You're not! I just...it looks like you have stuff to talk about. Me and Eri are fine, aren't we, Eri?"

She smiled at him. "Yeah, we're fine. Because Red is the best...one of the _two _best boyfriends in the whole world."__

__"Awww. Well, you're the best girlfriend in the world!" Because he felt like it, and to prove how _totally fine_ they were, Red leaned down and gave Eri a quick peck on the lips. It was the first time he'd kissed her in front of Tei, but under the circumstances it didn't feel like much of a big deal. She kissed him back, and the strange feeling in his chest went away a little more._ _

__Tei sighed. Red looked over and saw him wearing a melancholy smile. "You're a good man, Red," said Tei. "I'll see you at home."_ _

__At home? Ah, right. Banjul was hosting a wedding or something and Tei had gotten permission to take the afternoon off school to help out. That was why he'd wanted to hang out with Eri at lunch._ _

__"See you at home!" said Red. "And...and you're a good man too. I can't think of anyone I'd rather be in the Eri's boyfriend's club with."_ _

__As he walked away, he heard Tei make a sound like a sob and whisper "Am I being punished?" Eri said something soothing he couldn't quite make out, and Red walked away a little faster._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content note for this chapter: Underage sex, and inadvertent vouyerism.


	16. Chapter 16

Red knew he wasn't a hero.

He was just a doll with a fake backstory designed to sell merchandise. It had been comforting to live that lie for a time, while he figured out who he was as a human, but he'd always known it wasn't real. 

Still, he liked to think he was a _little_ heroic, that he was _something_ like his concept, and like the prince he'd performed as in the play. He might not always be chivalrous, confident, and brave, but he did his best. And when Eri looked up at him with love and respect, when he knew that he'd helped her, that he made her happy...he felt like the greatest hero in the world.

But as Red dispiritedly walked back to class, memories of what he'd heard playing through his head like an annoying song on constant replay, Red didn't feel like much of a hero. He felt like the _other_ guy, the weak loser the heroine _used_ to like before she met the _real_ hero. It was better than being a villain, but not...great.

A sensible voice in Red's head reminded him that this was hardly the first time he'd felt inferior to Tei, that it was mean to Tei and Eri to keep doubting them like this, to keep needing so much reassurance. And they _would_ reassure him if he asked, even though they shouldn't have to, and he'd feel better. He always did.

But for now he felt pretty bad.

It wasn't like Red was one of those guys who needed their girlfriend to be pure and innocent. He _liked_ the way Eri looked at him, the way she couldn't always hide how much she was into him, and into kissing. He'd liked to imagine one day maybe going a little further than kissing, but only if he could be sure she would enjoy it as enthusiastically. And maybe...maybe he'd sometimes imagined her taking charge, and _making_ him do all the things he was too afraid to ask for.

But that wasn't how thing worked in real life. In real life, girls like men who could be self confident, and knowledgable, and dominant. That was certainly what Eri had shown every sign of liking so far. It was clearly what she got from Tei. 

If she and Red had been figuring things out together...that would have been alright. It had been like that with kissing, there had been a few banged noses and bitten tongues before they got the knack of it, and it had been a fun challenge they'd solved together. But now...now she knew _everything_ , and he knew _nothing_. When she'd been shy, Red had assumed she was afraid, or not ready. But was she just...not ready for _Red_? Because he was too clumsy and ignorant? Had she been secretly disappointed in Red all this time, putting up with his lumbering affections but wishing he could be more like Tei?

Red felt like an idiot. None of this should be a surprise. Had he really convinced himself that she hadn't slept with _Yuri_? As if that creep would respect an innocent girl's reticence once they started dating. Not that Eri was innocent. Not that that Eri _needed_ to be innocent. He'd just convinced himself that she was...the word _safe_ came to mind. Uncomplicated. Comfortable.

As if she was _just_ his girlfriend, and not a whole, complicated, messy person. A person with five different sets of memories! Of course she wasn't the girl he remembered, or the girl he imagined in his head. He probably wasn't entirely the boy she imagined in her head, either. 

The sensible voice in his head told him to just trust that she loved him. She'd certainly said it plenty of times, and Eri was always honest. And maybe...maybe she wouldn't mind teaching him a thing or two. That might not be the worst thing in the world.

By the time he got to the classroom he'd managed to talk himself into a much better mood. It turned out he didn't need to ask Eri for reassurance when he had her sensible voice in his head to steer him right.

And then he opened the door and was greeted by the sight of Minsoo and his equally annoying buddy Woojin. Great.

"Hey Red," said Woojin. Red had once asked Tei why people like Woojin and Minsoo acted friendly half of the time and mean the other half of the time, but Tei had just said Red was lucky he didn't understand minds like that, and should do his best to ignore them.

"Hey," said Red. He sat down and tried looking again at the textbook. At least if it put him to sleep here he was unlikely to wake up to an anything more disturbing than an angry teacher.

"Where's Tei?" said Minsoo.

"I don't know," said Red, not looking up. "Probably still at the library." 

"With your girl?" said Minsoo.

"Maybe?" said Red. 

"Are you sure you can trust them together?"

"Ouch, yeah," said Woojin. "All the girls love Tei. Not that you're ugly or anything, but he's got that whole...prince thing going on."

Red forced himself not to wince at the reminder that _Tei_ was the princely one. "Of course I trust them," he said. _Trusting_ them wasn't the issue. 

"You're a sweet guy, Red, but you can be a little naive," said Minsoo, with an exaggerated sigh. "I saw the way the two of them were looking at each other."

"Weren't you..." Red lowered his voice. A few other students had wandered into the room, and it would be no good if _Red_ ended up being the one spreading rumours about Tei. "Weren't you the one who thought Tei was...gay? If you haven't noticed, _Eri_ is a girl."

"I could always tell _something_ was up with him," said Minsoo. "I was just wrong about the specifics. Didn't you hear the way she defended him? Why is she so _sure_ he's not gay, huh?"

"Because...because they're friends! Really good friends!" 

"Ha!" said Woojin. " _Friends_. Girls always say that when they're cheating on you."

"She's not...she's not cheating on me! We're all just really good friends and nothing weird is going on!" Lying was not Red's forte but he had to do his best for Tei and Eri's sakes. 

Minsoo raised his eyebrows. "You sound pretty defensive." 

He wasn't defensive! But he also couldn't...actually say that there was nothing going on between Eri and Tei. Because there was. This was all so complicated! "Tei would never... do anything to hurt Eri." That was the one thing he _could_ say with total honesty.

"I didn't say he was hurting her. Though I guess it could sound kind of similar." Minsoo put on a falsetto voice. "Ah, ah, Tei, stop!!"

Red froze. "What? Did you hear...?"

Minsoo stared at him. "What?"

Red looked back down at his textbook, biting his tongue. "Nothing."

"Whoa," said Woojin. "You know, Red...you're a really bad liar."

Red glared at Woojin. "I'm not lying!"

"Hey, Minsoo, are you being a jerk to Red?"

Oh no, he'd been too loud. Now Eunyoung was walking over to see what was going on. She was the worst gossip in the class!

"Me?" said Minsoo. "I love Red! I was just asking him about the weird noises I heard when I stumbled across him and Tei and his girlfriend in the library." 

"Weird noises?" said Eunyoung, looking at Minsoo with a dubious expression. "Is this another one of your-"

"She was kissing me!" said Red. "Before you showed up! She and me were kissing!"

Minsoo leaned closer. " _Just_ kissing?"

"Yes!"

Minsoo raised an eyebrow. "With Tei."

"Yeah! Well, not _with_ Tei...ahahaha...he was just....there..." Red coughed and looked away.

"Uh," said Eunyoung. "That's a little weird. You say you were just kissing?"

"Mmmm," said Red. 

"Look how red his face is," said Woojin, with a mean laugh. "He's such a terrible liar." Red felt his face get even redder, and his chest burned with frustration. Woojin was usually too afraid of Red to be this mean to him, but now that he and Minsoo had found a weak point he'd gotten bold. Was this _bullying_? Red had never been bullied before. It didn't feel very nice. 

"Let me get this straight," said Minsoo. "You're...are all three of you _really good friends_?" He waggled his eyebrows at Eunyoung for some reason.

"Yes!" said Red. "Exactly! We're all really good friends!" 

"What about Eri and Tei? Is that different to her and you?" said Eunyoung.

"Uh. Well...Wait, I mean yeah, obviously! Because...she's my girlfriend!"

"And she's not Tei's girlfriend."

Red did his best attempt at a convincing, totally sincere sounding laugh. "Haha! Of course not!"

"Of course, of course," said Woojin. "They're just very good friends." He winked at Minsoo, who laughed. 

The questions continued. They kept on and on, until Red lost track of what answers he'd given. Where was the teacher, shouldn't class be starting soon? 

"I'm going to stop talking about this," he said, when it got too much for him. "You're all being weird."

"Some people might say you and your _very good friend Tei_ are the weird ones," said Minsoo.

"You guys are such creeps," said Eunyoung. "Don't mind them, Red. You and Tei and, uh...your girlfriend...should do whatever makes you happy." She giggled.

"Thanks, Eunyoung," said Red. Maybe she wasn't so bad.

Minsoo and Woojin _finally_ went away, and Eunyoung went back to sit with her friends. A few moments later the other girls started squealing about something and looking at Red, but he'd learned a long time ago not to pay attention when girls stared at him and squealed. He took a deep breath, settled his thoughts, and went back to reading his book.

After what felt like an eon, the teacher finally arrived. It was only once class started and Red turned to ask Tei to explain the lesson that he realised Tei still wasn't back. Had he been _that_ upset? Red surreptitiously sent him a text. "You ok dude?"

"I'm at work. But yes, I'm fine :)"

Tei was at work! Right! Everything was fine. 

Class continued and things got back to normal, though the teacher had to caution students to stop talking amongst themselves a little more than usual. And as usual, Red was just waiting for it to be over.

As they moved between classrooms, he felt a thump on his back. It was one of the guys from soccer, Jihun, leaning towards Red with a big grin on his face.

"So..." said Jihun. "I hear you got pretty wild in the library."

Red had a moment of anxiety, then remembered telling Eunyoung that he and Eri has been kissing. Wow, the students at this school really _were_ desperate for gossip. "Heh," said Red. "Not _that_ wild."

"Ha, whatever you say, dude," laughed Jihun. "Anyway, see you at practice tomorrow?"

"Wouldn't miss it!"

He got to his next class, and patiently sat through it, and sat through the one after that. Normally his mood improved as the end of the school day approached, but instead he started to feel worse and worse. And he felt a familiar pull, a sense that Eri needed him. It wasn't the urgent scream of deathly threat, but it was enough to make him skip out of the start of the next class to seek her out. 

Luckily he didn't need to sneak into any freshman classes to find her. Instead, she was lingering in the hallway, looking pensive. 

He waved her down. "Eri! Hi! Are you ok?"

"Hmm? Red?"

She didn't look like she was in danger. Maybe he'd imagined it.

"I had a feeling you might be in trouble. Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine!" she said. "But...shouldn't you be in class?"

"I wanted to make sure you were ok. What about you?"

"I'm just about to go in." She laughed awkwardly. "I got slowed down by some girls asking me whether Tei has a girlfriend. They got a bit weird about it, actually." 

"A mean kind of weird?"

"I...don't...think so? They giggled a lot. It was mostly just confusing."

Girls wanting to know whether Tei had a girlfriend was hardly new, but Red still had a bad feeling. "Well, I'm here for you whenever you need me, ok? Even if it's the middle of class!"

"Thank you, Red. I know I can rely on you. But I'll be ok. Get to class!"

"Ok! You too! And I'll see you soon!"

Red made his way back to class. And then finally, _finally_ , the school day came to an end. 

Lance had committee stuff today, and Yeonho had club activities, so it would just be him and Eri going home together. Red was impatient to see her, and not just because he missed her. That bad feeling hadn't gone away. 

And then, as he approached the classroom, he heard someone shouting.

"Go home!" It was a loud, clear female voice...was that Soi, Eri's friend? "Leave her alone!"

Her? Please no...

As he turned the corner in a run, Red saw Soi waving her hands angrily at a group of students like she was trying to shake off a swarm of gnats. And behind her was Eri, being held by Shinbi, leaning against her friend's shoulder with big streaks of tears snaking their way down her face.

"Eri!" he said, sprinting over as fast as he could. "Eri, what's wrong?" 

"You!" Soi turned to him, her eyes aflame with anger. "Red! This is all your fault!"

"What?" said Eri. "Red didn't do anything wrong!"

"If I did I'm really sorry," he said, reaching to take her hand. He'd give her a hug, but Shinbi had that covered and didn't look inclined to let her go. 

Eri took his hand and squeezed it with a weak smile. "No, it's not you. A bunch of older kids came round to the classroom once school finished and started being really mean. And then, um, this guy..."

"Did a guy do something to you?!"

Eri shook her head. "He just said...some stuff...I don't really want to describe it right now."

"And then Shinbi punched him," said Soi. "And he ran off before I could have a go at him myself." She glared at Red. "I've half a mind to have a go at you, too!"

"Um," said Red. "If I really have hurt Eri you can punch me all you like. But can you tell me what this is about?"

Soi leaned closer and lowered her voice. "The rumour. About you and her and... About what you got up to in the library. Is it true?"

"Um..." said Red, feeling himself blush. "I mean, we just..."

"No! That's enough!" She made a face of disgust. "Come on, Eri. Shinbi and me are taking you away from all these gross men."

And despite Eri's protestations, that's exactly what she did. 

Red started the journey home alone, feeling confused and sad. Were people really giving Eri hassle for _kissing_ him? Or was something else going on that he wasn't understanding?

Red's instinctive sense that Eri was in danger began to lessen now that she was safe with her friends. But his confusion and worry remained.

He sent Eri a message. "Are you ok? Can I help? "

She replied back almost immediately. "I feel much better now, Soi got me to buy us ice-cream. There was just a misunderstanding at school, don't worry about it." 

"I'm glad you're ok. What flavour did you get?"

"Chocolate! Chocolate fixes everything :)"

"Then I'll give you some when you get home <3"

At least that was one thing he could do. He detoured past the convenience store and then made his way home. 

The only person waiting for him there was Yuri, who was collapsed across the couch watching anime with an expression of melancholy to match Red's own. What did _he_ have to be sad about?

"Shove over," said Red. 

Yuri grunted irritably but made room. The anime was something surreal about girls with magical powers who turned into spaceships, Red wasn't sure what was going on but it had an enjoyable number of fight scenes and filled in the time. The two of them watched whatever it was in silence until the others came home. 

Lance stomped in loudly when he arrived, looking even more irritable than usual. "Is it true?" he said, glaring at Red as he took off his shoes. "About the disgusting things you did on school property?"

"I don't think it's so bad," said Yeonho. "I was a bit shocked at first. But if they're happy, then it's sort of sweet."

Lance stared at Yeonho in shock. "Sweet?!"

"I didn't do anything _disgusting_ on school property," said Red. "You're such a prude."

"A...a prude! Just because I-"

Yuri snorted. "What did you do to get the prude in such a twist?" he said. "Give her a kiss on the cheek?"

"Uh," said Red. "Yeah. Something like that." He didn't _have_ to lie to the other dolls like he did to the people at school, but it was all too much hassle to try to explain.

Lance and Yeonho made their way into the lounge-room. Lance stood in front of Red, blocking the TV. Yuri made a sound of annoyance and Lance ignored him. "So it isn't true then. Good. I should know better to believe the school rumour mill. And Tei wouldn't-"

Yuri sat up. "What's this about Tei?"

"There, uh...there's this rumour..." said Yeonho. "Everyone says that Tei and Red were...in the library...with Eri." 

The way he said it..."What _exactly_ are people saying?"

"Uh..." said Yeonho, looking nervous.

The door slammed opened, and Tei strode into the room, not even taking off his shoes. The look on his face...He looked angrier than Red had ever seen him.

"Red," said Tei, his voice cold and clipped. "Why does the whole school think you and I were debauching the owner in the library?"

"What?" said Red, in a small voice. He didn't know what "debauching" meant, but from the way Tei said it he could make a good guess.

"So you weren't?" said Yeonho. 

"No! I wasn't..."

"Thank God," said Yuri, under his breath. Then, more loudly, he added, "It was too shocking to imagine Red doing anything so interesting."

Red stared at Yeonho. " _That's_ what you thought happened? And you thought...oh no. That's what people think _Eri_ did? No wonder they were being mean to her!"

"People were being mean to her?" said Lance. "Where is she? Is she ok?"

"She's with Soi and Shinbi," said Red. "They said...they said she needed to be away from gross men. I guess they meant me and Tei. But we weren't...I wouldn't..." The very idea was so hard to imagine it was hurting his head.

"Obviously it's a lie," said Tei. "And at first I assumed it came from Minsoo. But multiple people told me it came directly from you, Red. It was quite the topic of conversation at Banjul."

No wonder he looked angry. "I didn't say anything like that! I swear! I was just trying to cover for you and Eri!"

"Trying to cover for Tei and Eri?" said Yeonho. "Why?"

Tei's tone became half a degree less cold, but he still seemed pretty pissed off. "What exactly did you say? And to who?"

"Um..." 

Red explained. Which meant he had to start by describing what happened in the library, much to everyone's evident distress. Lance, Yeonho, and Yuri didn't like imagining Tei and Eri together any more than he did. Tei's expression didn't change much, but he couldn't look anyone in the eye. 

When Red started describing his conversation with Minsoo and the others, Tei kept pressing for details: exactly what had Red told them? How had they reacted? What precise words had they used to describe what they thought had happened?

The more Red went through the conversation again, the more he understood how he'd screwed up. When he was done, Tei let out a deep sigh.

"You are such an idiot," said Lance.

"I messed everything up, didn't I?" said Red. "And now people think...people think Eri's shameless. Well, I guess they think all three of us are, but since she's a girl she's the one who they're being mean to. Which is really unfair." 

"A bit late to worry about that now," said Lance. 

"You're right," said Tei. "I..."

"There'll be time for blame later," said Yuri. "How do we fix it?"

"We..." Tei took in a deep breath. "We need a cover story. Something that fits with the existing narrative, but makes Eri look innocent."

"You should say you were being a peeping Tom," said Yuri. "Spying on the happy couple. And then Red the hero threw himself on the pervert sword to save your reputation." Why was he always so _awful_?

"That would work," said Tei. "Though it runs counter to my existing persona, I'd have to lay some groundwork..."

"You'd really do that?" said Yuri. 

"Of course," said Tei.

"Tei shouldn't have to suffer for my mistake!" said Red. "If anyone's going to have their reputation ruined, it should be me."

"You could say you made it up to impress them," said Lance. "Except no-one would believe you could tell such a convincing lie."

"But he _was_ lying," said Yeonho. "He was trying to cover for Tei and Eri."

"I doubt the school body would be any less scandalised to know that Eri is dating Red and Tei separately than they are by the idea that she had a tryst with both at once," said Yuri. "They're a conservative bunch."

"Mmm," said Yeonho. 

"Maybe we're coming at this from the wrong angle," said Tei. "If we can shift the narrative away from us entirely..." 

"Like a distraction?" said Red. 

"We could set something on fire," said Yeonho. Everyone stared at him and he blushed. "Maybe not. Sorry."

"Nobody really likes Minsoo and Woojin," said Tei. "And Eunyoung...yes, I think I know how to deal with this." He smiled. 

"What are you planning, you creeper?" said Yuri. 

What a mean thing to say! But Tei just smiled at him. "You'll see."

* * *

"So have you spoken to Tei?"

Eri shook her head. "He's going to talk to me later, he wants to make sure I'm ok with...whatever it is he's planning. But he said you and I should talk about things first."

"Right," said Red. Tei had basically locked them in the room together the moment Eri got home. "Um. Oh! I got you chocolates!" He held out the plastic bag from the convenience store. "To...to make everything better. Haha. S-sorry I didn't wrap them."

She took the bag and looked inside. "Oh, I love these!"

"I know."

She neatly put the bag in the rubbish bin and opened the box, popping a chocolate in her mouth with a smile at him to show how much she was enjoying it. She gestured towards him with the open box. "Mmm?"

He shook his head. "Not right now." He felt too sick to eat. "Eri...I..." He tried to put his feelings into words without just bursting into tears. "I am _so sorry_. I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I really hope Tei can fix everything, somehow, but you still got hurt, and it's all my fault. I know chocolates can't actually fix this. I-"

Eri made some distressed sounds and then swallowed her chocolate. "No, I'm sorry! You were just trying to fix the mess Tei and I made by being so reckless!"

"But if I'd just kept my mouth shut..."

"You shouldn't have to lie to protect me. And...it's not like I'm any better at lying than you are. I really struggled when those girls asked if Tei had a girlfriend, and I totally failed to cover things up with Soi and Shinbi when they asked me what happened." 

"Oh no, was it alright?"

"Yeah, actually," said Eri with a small smile. "They were really nice about it. They said I didn't have to explain myself to them if I didn't want to, and that as long as I was ok with whatever was going on with you and Tei, they were ok with it too. I mean Soi told me to stop hogging all the cute guys, but she was mostly kidding. It feels good, knowing they can accept this about me, I never thought they would. It almost makes everything else worth it." 

"But only almost..." He sat on the bed, legs feeling weak. "Is there anything I can do to help? If any guys are creepy to you I can take them out!"

"Thanks. I should be ok in class, now that Soi and the others know to keep an eye on things. I'll definitely be relying on you to be my hero after class, though."

"You can count on me!"

"I know." She smiled at him and squeezed his hand and he felt a little better about things. Then she sighed, her smile becoming more wistful. "And I guess... it was going to come out eventually. I really am a _terrible_ liar, if anyone asked me point blank about Tei the way they asked you, I'd have totally blabbed. And now I can stop worrying about how people would react if they knew the truth." Her voice shook a little. "Everyone knows what kind of girl I am now."

"No they don't," said Red. "If they _really_ understood what kind of girl you are, they'd love you as much as I do. Because you're great!"

"Thanks," she said weakly. "But...I'm sorry you had to find out that way. That I'm...I'm so..." She sniffed.

"Hey, Eri, no...I don't think any less of you!"

"Really?" She said. "Why not? I pretend I'm a nice normal girl, but then I do things like _that_."

"That doesn't make you not nice! You're still nice! You're still kind, and sweet, and...you're still the same girl. The girl I love."

"It doesn't bother you at _all_? Really?" She stood in front of him, staring into his eyes hopefully, and once again Red cursed the fact that he was also a terrible liar.

"Um...." 

Eri's face fell.

"It doesn't make me think you're bad! It's just...ugh, I'm sorry, I shouldn't care about this."

She shook her head. "Red, it's ok to be upset. Any guy would be. I'm just glad you're not super angry. Unless you are?" 

"No! I'm not upset at _you_! I just feel like...like I must be doing something wrong, or you wouldn't...or you'd be different with me. You'd be like you are with Tei." He felt awful the moment he said it. But it was the truth. And the words couldn't be unsaid. 

 "Oh, Red..." She sounded so sad. He was the _worst_.

"Tei's so handsome and self confident, I know I can't be as good as him. I shouldn't be jealous. I should be happy that you like me at all. And I am. I just...feel a little weird. But I'll get over it."

"Red," said Eri. "I'm not different with him. At least, not in the way you mean."

"But..."

"I always thought..." She sat next to him on the bed, and looked at her hands. "Red, I thought _you_ didn't want to, because you never said anything. And I didn't want to say anything, because then...what if you thought I was gross and shameless? I'm already so bad at being a proper girlfriend."

"But you're a great girlfriend," said Red. "And I..." The world turned slightly on his axis as he took in what she'd said. "You were just waiting for _me_? Oh. Ha, I'm the one who sucks at being a boyfriend, I guess."

"No, I shouldn't have been so sexist," said Eri, looking up at him. "I should have actually said what I was feeling."

"So what are you feeling?"

"Uh...ahahaha." She looked away again.

He gently put his hand on her shoulder. "You can tell me anything. I won't think you're gross or shameless. I promise."

She took in a deep breath. "Um. This is really embarrassing."

He took back his hand, giving her space. "You don't have to tell me right now. I feel better just knowing you don't think I'm ugly or something."

She looked at him with surprise. "Ugly? You're super handsome!"

"You really think so?"

"Yeah! Sometimes I..." She blushed and looked away again. "Ahaha. Um. So, why don't you tell me how _you_ feel?"

"Well right now I feel happy to be sitting next to you..."

"Red. You know what I mean."

He laughed awkwardly. "Ah...I don't know. I don't want you to think I'm a pervert." 

"I won't think you're a pervert." She chuckled lightly. "Well...ok, I might, but I won't mind." She gave him a shy smile, and there was something in the way her eyes sparkled that implied she might not mind at _all_.

_Be brave_ he thought to himself. _She's been waiting for you all this time, too shy to say how she feels._ If he took the first step, it would make her feel better.

"I think you're really pretty," he said. She nodded encouragingly. "And I want..." He thought of all the things he'd imagined, and watched, and thought about. Some of it might be fun, but some would be bad in real life, just like voyeurism had turned out to be. "I don't know, exactly? Just...more? But only if you like it. What I want most of all is for you to be happy." 

She moved a little closer and put her hand on his knee, and even through the thick fabric of his pants her skin felt impossibly warm. "More would make me happy." She looked up at him and smiled and even he could tell it was an invitation. 

"We don't have to anything right now," he said, though he wanted to touch her more than anything. "We don't have to do anything ever, not if you don't want to."

"I know," she said. And she moved a little closer, so that he could feel the soft warmth of her pressed against him. 

He leaned down and kissed her. It was a gentle, hesitant kiss, with both of them feeling a little self conscious. But it was nice. And then, slowly, she leaned up and kissed _him_ , which she hadn't done much before, and that was even nicer. 

"Was that ok?" she asked.

"It was great," said Red. "You can kiss me whenever you like. You..." She kissed him again.

She giggled. "Sorry. Just testing. Still ok?"

"Yeah," he said, grinning. She was so _cute_.

She leaned up and kissed him on the cheek this time, and then pulled him into a hug, resting her head on his shoulder with a happy sigh. He put his arms around her and enjoyed the warmth of her body against him. 

"I guess I find it easier to show you what I want than to ask for it," she said. "I know that's silly."

"You, um." He felt his face heat up. "You can do...anything to me that you want, Eri." His voice gave out before he could quite get to the end of the sentence, overcome by how _cheesy_ a thing that was to say. He was glad he didn't have to look her in the eye. 

"Anything? Really?" She ran her hand lightly over the back of his neck, her voice a little breathy in his ear, and Red thought he might _die_. 

"Yes," he said, trying to keep his voice steady. "Do whatever you like. I think I'd...like that too."

"Um. Ok. Then...what I'd like is..." She tilted her head and kissed along his jaw, then moved down to kiss his neck, sucking slightly at the skin. He made an inarticulate noise. "Is this ok too?" 

"Mmmmm?" All the blood had rushed from his head and he was having trouble forming words. And he suspected that if he _did_ form words they'd be some embarrassing babble along the lines of _more of that please oh god I love you_. He hadn't known it was _possible_ to be this turned on, and they'd barely done anything yet. 

She ran her hand up his chest and did something to his ear with her teeth and he had to bite his tongue to stop from groaning. When he made a muffled gasp she stopped, and leaned back to look at him, her face slightly flushed. When she saw his expression she gave a little self satisfied smile, which was almost as hot as the thing she'd done with her teeth. 

"Eri," he said. "Eri, I..." Words couldn't express it. He kissed her. Normally he tried to be gentle and chaste but he was too overwhelmed. She opened her mouth to accept him, and sucked lightly at his tongue, and her lips were soft and warm. They kissed and kissed, his hands on her back and head, too self conscious to stray very far, hers a little more bold. When she got out of breath he pulled her into a hug, and felt her gasp against him. Was she enjoying this too? It seemed so, which was an intoxicating thought. But he should make sure she was enjoying it as much as he was, which was a _lot_.

He ran his fingers gently over her hair, and kissed her forehead. "I'm not sure what to do," he said, brushing his fingers over her cheek. "What do _you_ like?" 

She stared at him wide eyed for a moment, and took a deep breath. "Um." She looked away. "UM. Most...things?"

That wasn't very helpful! "Is there anything you don't like?"

"Well, my feet are very ticklish." 

"Ok! No feet!" He kissed the tip of her nose. "How about your nose, is that ticklish?"

"Heehee, a little bit."

Feeling _incredibly_ self conscious, but lacking any other ideas, he followed her lead and kissed her neck. "How about here?"

"Mmm. That's fine."

Was he just imagining her sounding a little more out of breath? He kissed her neck a few more times, cradling her head in his hands, then kissed up into her hair. "You smell really nice," he said, voice muffled. "And you taste..." He didn't have the words.

She laughed. "Don't eat my hair!"

"But it's so delicious! Nom nom nom!" He mouthed at her hair, which to be honest didn't taste much of anything. It still smelled great, though, and the feeling of her squirming with laughter in his arms was fantastic. He pulled back to smile at her. "I love you so much," he said. "You're amazing. And...sexy? Is it ok if I say that?"

She nodded, smiling. "It's ok." 

And maybe it really was ok. She was smiling at him affectionately, looking cheerfully dishevelled, her hair lightly mussed and a pink blush in her cheeks. She didn't look afraid or coerced. And she didn't look disappointed or frustrated, either. She looked happy. 

"I love you too," she said. "And I..." She looked to the side. "I think you're sexy too."

"Thanks." He didn't feel very sexy right now. Should he be doing something sexy? Nothing came to mind. But it was nice just sitting next to her like this, without feeling overwhelmed with confusion and guilt like he had been before. Not that he wasn't still pretty confused. "I'm sorry I have no idea what I'm doing."

"And I do?" said Eri. "I...I have a _little_ more experience, but not that much. Even when you add up all the worlds, I never dated any of you for a very long time. And everyone's so different!"

"Different how?"

"Um...that's a bit private, probably? But...well. If you think you're intimidated by how much experience I have, imagine how I felt with Yuri!" 

"Uh..." Red generally tried not to think about what things must have been like between her and Yuri. It was so hard to imagine how she could have been happy, yet apparently she had been. So was he misunderstanding her? Or misjudging him?

"Sorry, I probably shouldn't talk about that."

"No, it's ok." He didn't want her to have to hide any of herself from him, even the uncomfortable parts. "I do feel a little intimidated having to compete with him though haha." Especially considering how often Yuri had explicitly told Red he lacked the ability to satisfy a woman like Eri.

"It's not a competition," she said, frowning slightly. She said that a lot. "And I didn't date him because he had _experience_. I...I dated him because I fell in love with him. Just like I did with you." She put her hand on his.

Red interlaced their fingers, and pulled her hand gently to his lips. "So, um, how did you deal with it? Being intimidated by having less experience?"

"Oh..." She rested her head against Red, hiding her face in his shoulder. "I got a bit silly about it. I decided I needed to be _really beautiful_ , or I wouldn't be good enough. I was wearing makeup all the time, and these uncomfortable shoes...that was before we started dating though. I mainly just wanted him to notice me."

"...since when does Yuri not notice _you_?"

"Ha, I know. But he was ignoring me! Well, pretending to. He was afraid what it would mean, to just love one person." She gave a sad sigh.

"Do you...do you miss him?"

She didn't answer for a moment, which he took as a yes. "I was sighing because it's so unfair. He sacrificed who he was to be just with me, and now he's alone again. And I'm not." She shook her head. "But I shouldn't be complaining about this to you!"

He squeezed her hand. "I want to hear all your worries. Even the ones about the other dolls."

"Ok. But that goes for you too."

"Ok." He thought about it. His previous paranoia felt very distant, lost in the warm glow of how happy he was. "Hmm. I promise to tell you if I do have any worries. But right now...I feel really good." 

She leaned up to kiss him again. "I'm glad. Thank you for being so wonderful."

"Same to you." He kissed her back. He thought about deepening it, but realised he didn't feel like it. Not right now. They'd already taken a really big step, there was no need to rush things. It felt good to know that there was the potential for more, but it felt good to know that he could stop, too. 

He kissed her on the cheek instead. "And now...I should probably go work on my assignment."

She looked at him in surprise. "Are you sure? Did...did I do something wrong?"

"No! I just thought it might be good to stop for now. Is that ok?"

"Yeah, of course! I just thought..." She paused. "Never mind. This was nice. _Really_ nice." 

"Really? I mean it was nice for _me_ , I just-"

She looked him in the eyes and he could see her sincerity. "Really." She coughed. "Do you want to...spend some more time together like this on Thursday?"

His brain shorted out for a moment. "...yes?" He took in a breath. "Yes. Very definitely yes." 

She gave what under other circumstances might have looked like a sweet, innocent smile. "Then I look forward to it." It was true, Eri wasn't quite the girl he'd thought, but he was _quite enjoying_ getting to know the girl she really was. 

"How are you so _amazing_?"

He leaned down and kissed her again, and part of him wanted nothing more than to just keep kissing her, and to let her explore the limits of all the things she apparently wanted to do to him. He pulled away with regret. "Ahhh... But I really _should_ work on my assignment."

"You should!" She gave a wry smile. "Tei's been bugging me to do more homework too. He's a bad influence on both of us."

"Don't you mean a good influence?"

"No, this is bad! Being lazy was so much easier!"

"Haha, yeah!" He leaned down and gave her a quick peck on the lips, and then, before he could get distracted again, stood up and went to the door. "I love you! Bye!"

"I love you too!" she said, and the sound of her happy laughter carried him all the way to his room. He was on air for the rest of the night, and he managed to find his textbook and read the whole of chapter 17 in one sitting, without falling asleep even once.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've edited up some more thorough warnings and [posted them as end notes](https://archiveofourown.org/chapters/47646898#work_endnotes), there's nothing super spoilery but also not much that will be a surprise if you've read this far. 
> 
> Thanks for reading this far, by the way, I hope you're enjoying the story :)

The universe was neither just nor fair. Goodness was no match for power, and love no match for misfortune.The universe was chaos and cruelty, and no matter how hard you might try to impose order, entropy would always win in the end. 

The last time Lance saw Eri, she had been sitting with Soi and Shinbi, acting like she was happy. That she was fine. But her desk beneath his hands told a different story, obscene drawings and insults still visible despite Lance scrubbing at them as hard as he could. Her smile had been brittle, her eyes red with unshed tears, and the air of the classroom had been thick with malice and mockery, all of it directed at her. All of it undeserved. 

The first thing anyone said to Eri when she arrived had been to imply that that she'd been in some sort of tryst with Lance and Yeonho before class (in the hallway? Their barbs didn't even make any sense). Yeonho had responded with what was either a passive aggressive insult or a clueless reply with the same effect, and Lance's insult had been entirely unambiguous. But they couldn't undo the pain that had made her face fall. Lance could clean her desk, but he couldn't make her unsee the words that had been written there. 

Lance bitterly thought about how much easier things must be in Red and Tei's classroom. There was no way _they_ were being treated like this, even though they were as complicit as Eri in their supposed perversion. And not just because of sexism, though that played it's part. Everyone _loved_ Tei and Red, Prince Sunshine and the chivalrous Hero. But they did not love Eri, though she was the one who most deserved to be loved. Even before today, he'd seen how much the other girls resented Eri for "stealing" Red, and for being friends with the rest of the so-called HOT5. And the boys hadn't noticed her at all, not considering her attractive or interesting enough to pay attention to, while they fawned over Red the soccer star and Tei the charming senior. 

And now...now to all of them she was nothing more than an acceptable target. And there was nothing he could do.

Tei had said it was a good idea for all of them to defend Eri from insult but otherwise keep a certain amount of distance, to prevent new rumours from forming. Except for Red, of course. Red got to be the accepting, loving boyfriend that Eri was monogamously devoted to, while Lance had to act like he barely cared. Perhaps he should have left cleaning the desk to someone else...but he just couldn't stand by and do nothing. If he couldn't comfort her, if he had to hide his love for her even more than normal, then he could at least do this. 

"I think that bit's clean," said Yeonho, his voice jarring Lance from his thoughts. "You did a good job!"

Lance looked down. Yeonho was right, he'd been scrubbing a blank piece of desk over and over. "Thanks," he said, and moved to a new part, this one still obscenely decorated. "Did the teacher give you any trouble about switching the desks?" 

"No, though she said you should just leave that one here and come back to class." Despite his words, Yeonho knelt down and picked up a spare scourer and started scrubbing on a part Lance hadn't gotten to yet. "I couldn't explain..."

"As if I could risk it being used in some other classroom like _this_."

Yeonho nodded, and then frowned at whatever he was scrubbing at. Lance was probably happier not knowing what it said. "I don't know why people are like this," said Yeonho. "Normally the other people in our class are nice. But then sometimes..." He sighed. "Maybe you should go back and leave this to me. I just want to go over and give her a hug, and I _can't_. You're better at being distant than I am."

"Mmm," said Lance. _Better at being distant_. Yes, he was certainly that. "Thank you. I'll make sure you don't get into trouble for skipping class."

"Thanks," said Yeonho. He looked down at the scourer in his hands. "I'm sure she'll feel better, having you there."

"I hope so."

Yeonho looked up at him, with a bright smile and sad eyes. "It's going to be ok, Lance." 

_How?_ thought Lance. How did you put a genie back it's bottle? But Yeonho was trying to be kind.

"Yes," said Lance. "Everything will be fine."

Sometimes the kindest thing to say was a lie.

Lance had to force himself to move his feet, one in front of the other, until he made it back to class. What was the point of even trying any more? Eri was his entire world, but he was just a small part of hers. Not nothing, but not her most important person. Not like he used to be. And now that she needed his help, he could do nothing. Nothing but wait for Tei to somehow fix things, though Lance couldn't imagine how. Was this to be her life now, the butt of jokes and target for harassment? Would she have to change schools? Would any new headmaster accept the dolls' false credentials as easily as this one had, or would they be separated? 

Eri was sitting back at her desk now- her new, clean desk. When Lance opened the door she looked up and gave him a quick smile, brief but heartfelt, then looked back at her textbook, radiating "I'm not supposed to talk to you but I really want to!". She was so endearing it was almost unbearable. 

Lance had a sufficient reputation for being responsible that it wasn't hard to convince the teacher that he and Yeonho had good reasons to skip class. He walked back towards his desk, letting his fingers gently brush against Eri as he passed. She let out a small sigh, sounding tired, and he yearned to pull her into his arms. But he kept walking, keeping his distance. It was what he was best at, after all.

And of course when he sat down at his desk he heard whispers behind him. Lance normally ignored gossip, but he could no longer afford the luxury of ignorance. He kept his eyes facing the teacher, and let his hands take notes, but focused most of his attention on what was being said behind his back.

The girl directly behind him made a sugary sigh. "Yeonho's such a sweetie."

His shallow, petty classmates were saying something _nice_? Wonders would never cease.

"I know! That slut Eri doesn't deserve it." 

Lance had to bite his tongue. Of course it came back to that. 

He burned with resentment. Eri wasn't the one spreading hurtful rumours. She wasn't the one always trying to touch him without permission. She was beautiful, and kind, and decent, and hardly to be blamed for being so wonderful that more than one man fell in love with her at once. These girls didn't deserve to even speak her _name_. 

"Actually...." The first girl's voice took on the smug tone of someone with a secret. "I heard that might all be fake."

Lance had to bite his tongue again. What?

There was a dismissive noise. "But Nari said she heard it from Eunyoung who heard it from Red!" 

"I know," said the first girl, thankfully undeterred. "But it was Eunyoung who told me it was a lie!"

Wasn't that the girl who'd spread the rumour in the first place? Why would she be changing her tune now?

The second girl scoffed. "And you trust her? All she ever does is gossip."

 _Not like you_ , thought Lance, bitterly.

"She seemed to feel really bad about it," said the first girl. "I think she'd been crying. She said Minsoo twisted Red's words or something. Apparently he has a thing against Tei."

Crying? Had Tei... Lance couldn't finish the thought. Tei was always so gentle, especially with women. Maybe he'd just persuaded her to change her mind. Somehow.

"Who's Minsoo?" said the second girl.

"You know, that second year who dumped Nari on her birthday." 

"Oh, _that_ guy." She laughed. "Ok, I didn't realise _he_ was the source of the rumour. He's totally the sort to make up something that gross. Was he jealous of how much of a creepy loser he is compared to the HOT5?"

"I know, right? Apparently Tei stopped Minsoo sleazing onto this poor middle school girl, and Minsoo got mad." 

"Ugh, typical Minsoo." The second girl sighed dramatically. "What a gentleman Tei is. I knew he was too good to be nabbed by a nobody like Eri." 

"Right? Speaking of girls dating out of their league, did you hear about Flower Boy's new..."

They moved onto slandering unfamiliar people and Lance was finally able to stop listening. Ugh. This was why he was happier ignoring the other students in his class. Except Eri, of course, and occasionally Yeonho. He directed his attention back to the teacher and waited for class to end.

Lance found Tei on the roof. Tei looked very lonely, staring down at the school. He'd had to avoid Eri the most out of all of them, he'd even caught the bus alone to make sure they wouldn't be seen together.

"How did you do it?" said Lance. It had been like magic. The stares and whispers hadn't vanished all at once, but they'd become less hostile, and slowly trickled to a stop. By the time lunch came around, it was if Eri had been forgotten entirely. Lance was still keeping his distance to be on the safe side, but he'd seen her look genuinely happy at last, laughing with her friends and even talking to their other classmates without incident.

"It's fear that motivates them," said Tei, looking at the students below them crawling around like ants. "Fear of being too sexual, or not enough, fear of losing social status, fear of missing out. Attacking those beneath them creates the sense of safety they crave." The Tei Lance used to know, the one from his own world, would never have been so cynical. Tei felt more human now, less like the perfect doll. He turned to smile at Lance. "So I gave them a safer target."

"Yes, everyone's talking about That Creep Minsoo now, even in our class. I can only imagine what's being said in yours." 

"I hope you don't feel sorry for him. He's done far worse than spread rumours, even if this particular one happens not to be entirely true."

"No, he deserves it." 

"I'm glad we agree."

Lance stared at his feet, trying to figure out why he'd felt the need to come here. Why he felt so troubled. It wasn't like he actually cared about Eunyoung. He hadn't even met her, and wouldn't like her if he did. He tried to make sense of his swirling feelings, never an easy task. "I...feel strange about all of this. It feels too easy."

"And life is never easy?"

"Yes."

"Something we can agree on," said Tei. He sighed and closed his eyes against the bright sunlight. "I told Eunyoung I'd date her, when this has blown over."

Lance made a choked sound of horror. 

Back in his own world, Lance had vaguely assumed Tei was asexual, or maybe gay. It was hard to see why else he'd be so attentive to women, yet so entirely uninterested in the many that surrounded him. Then Lance had discovered that Tei, like himself, burned with a repressed passion for their owner. Seeing how devoted Tei was to Eri, it had become as difficult for Lance to imagine Tei loving anyone else as it was to imagine the same for himself. 

So seeing Tei with Yuri had been...a surprise. But at least back then Tei had been single. He _had_ Eri now. How could he even think of anyone else?

Lance approached Tei, trying to get a good look at his face, trying to understand. 

"It's purely transactional," said Tei, turning away. "She has no interest in me, she just wants the social status of being seen to date me. And of course I asked Eri's permission first."

And she gave it? Eri's mind was a mystery to Lance these days. "What did she say?"

Tei chuckled affectionately. "She says she hopes nothing bad happens to Eunyoung."

"To _Eunyoung?_ " 

"Being granted a date with me is not a kindness. The other girls will be very cruel. Eri experienced it herself, so she understands. Though, to be so concerned for a rival, even one she knows I don't care for..." He gave a faraway smile. "I would not be so generous in her shoes."

Tei radiated so much love for Eri it hurt. Lance couldn't help but compare it to the muted nature of his own hidden feelings, and compare Tei's warmth and kindness with his own cold reserve. 

"Wouldn't you?" said Lance. "What about Red?" Tei had actually become _kinder_ to Red since he'd started dating Eri. It had been strange, and humbling. 

"I'm not kind to Red out of generosity of spirit," said Tei, as if this should be obvious. "His wellbeing is necessary to her happiness, and so it's necessary to mine. Isn't that why you try to get along with him, as much as you can?"

"I suppose."

Lance did _try_ to get along with Red, and succeeded more often these days than he had in the past. But it was hard not to resent him. Apparently all Red needed to be happy was Eri's love. He did get jealous of the others sometimes, but his bad moods never lasted long, and most of the time he exuded an air of pure, uncomplicated joy. He was even happy _now_ , blushing and smiling at Eri over the breakfast table as if he hadn't _ruined her life_ with his careless words. Well- not ruined any more, thanks to Tei. But no thanks to Red.

Tei wasn't so simple. He clearly adored Eri, and adored being with her. Perhaps a little too much, Red wasn't the only one who bore the blame for Eri's disgrace. But even Lance could tell there was always a bittersweet edge to Tei's smile. Or was he just projecting his own ambivalence?

"You're stronger than me," said Lance. "Back in my world, Red was going to kiss her in a play, just as an _act_ , and I couldn't stand it. I humiliated myself in front of the whole school because I couldn't bear the thought of...How do you stand it?" He hadn't meant to ask Tei about this, hadn't meant to reveal his feelings to anyone at all. But now that the question was out, he was desperate to know the answer.

"How do you stand it now?" said Tei. "He's still with her, _touching_ her like he..." Tei's hands clenched on the guard rail, and it creaked in protest. "Of course it bothers me. It bothers me knowing she ever touched _you_ that way. And I'm sure you feel the same way about me."

"Yes," said Lance, the truth coming out like a painful splinter. "I...sometimes I feel like you're a better version of me. Like I've been replaced."

To his surprise, Tei laughed. "A better version of you?" 

"Sorry," said Lance, cheeks warm. "I didn't mean it as an insult."

"I'm not insulted," said Tei, turning towards Lance with a gentle smile. "I'm flattered. But...you're wrong. I'm not much like you at all." 

"Oh." Lance felt like an idiot. As if he could compare to Tei.

Tei patted his head. "Lance: I am worse than you in almost every way. I could never replace you. Whatever you offered her...what I offer is something quite different, and more..." He gave a short laugh, and put his hands in his pocket. "But I have no interest in persuading you to join Red and I. Two is already something of a crowd."

"Mmm," said Lance. He could only imagine the mess if he ever did start dating Eri. Yet...it wasn't quite as unimaginable as it had been before. "Is that what you tell yourself about Red? That you offer her different things?"

"Partly..." said Tei. "But I don't think the path I took to accepting the situation would suit you."

"You mean your dalliance with that...with Yuri."

"Yes," said Tei. "It bothers you doesn't it?"

"Yes," said Lance, then quickly added, "Not because he's a man. The thought of you with Eunyoung bothered me just as much."

"You think we should all stay single forever, then, if we can't be with her?" Tei's voice was gentle, like a concerned teacher. "That's a lonely road, Lance."

"Not...necessarily," said Lance, though that _was_ his plan. "If it had been somebody _worthy_..."

"Who could ever be worthy? Who would _you_ suggest to replace her?" Tei's voice cracked slightly. 

It was a good question. Lance considered it, considered everyone they knew... "You're right, there's no-one. So...what, you just chose who was convenient?"

"Not quite," said Tei. "Yuri is a better man than you think..." He gave a small smile. "Well, you probably don't want me to go into that." 

"Please don't."

Lance was pretty sure he'd never understand whatever it was that Tei had seen in Yuri. But it _was_ a lonely road, choosing to stay faithful to the memory of a love that would never return. Lance would never love anyone the way he loved Eri. But he was somewhat attracted to other people, in a vague sort of way, and sometimes enjoyed their company. Was that enough? He had decades of life left ahead of him, and Eri would worry about him if he seemed lonely for too long.

Who could it be, though? Who did he actually like being around? The other committee members? _Yeonho?_ Part of him did like the idea of being better friends, but that was at far as it went. When he tried to imagine being with anyone else the way he'd been with Eri, it just made him more aware of what he'd lost.

"I can't..." he said, weakly. "I can't imagine being involved with anyone but her. How could it fill the emptiness I feel?"

"It can't," said Tei. "At least, it didn't for me. But it made me realise that the love I feel for her...the love that really matters...it's not that of a lover. I do love her that way, absolutely. But the overwhelming need to be special to her, to be the most precious...that's not the love between a man and a woman. It's the love between an owner and their doll. And whether I'm _involved_ with her, or someone else, or no-one at all, I am still her doll. _That's_ what matters." 

His words resonated within Lance with the purity of absolute truth. "Then why date her at all?"

"Because I want to receive her love in every form she is willing to offer me. Don't you?"

"Yes." It was disturbing, how well Tei understood him, when Lance understood Tei so dimly. "But I want it for myself."

"That's my point," said Tei. "Having her love to yourself was never an option. Not from the moment she bought a second doll. Even when the two of you were together in your world...weren't you still jealous of the other dolls? Didn't it eat you up that she cared so much-". Tei stopped. "Or perhaps that's just me. I shouldn't assume you're as possessive as I am."

"No, you're right. I was jealous. I told myself that I was the most special, but...deep down part of me knew she loved the others too, and hated it." Lance tried to keep his voice steady. "So you're saying there's no escape from this pain?" 

"There's no escape from _some_ pain," said Tei. "But that's life, Lance. We bear our suffering as well as we can, and then we die." He laughed mirthlessly. "Assuming we _can_ die. I guess we'll find that out eventually..."

"I don't find that very comforting."

"You asked me for the truth," said Tei. "Not for comfort. And the truth is, we weren't created to be happy. We were created to make our owners happy." He walked away from the now dented guardrail, heading back towards the door. "Any happiness she gives us in return is a miracle. And I intend to take everything I can get."


	18. Chapter 18

Lance closed the door behind him softly, and responded to Eri's welcoming smile with a frown. It warmed his heart to see her so happy, especially because of him. But he couldn't afford to be incautious. "I think Yuri suspects something."

Eri raised her eyebrows doubtfully. "Suspects something about what? It's hardly a secret that we're hanging out today. And he's not even here right now."

"Yes, but it's..." Lance lowered his voice to a whisper, though there should be noone but them to hear it. "It's a secret what we're doing."

What with Eri getting together with Tei, and then the mess at school, Eri had been very distracted lately, and Lance had resigned himself to their plans for today being sidelined, or forgotten. Part of him had been relieved. Spending the day listening to her ramble about her worries, or even her feelings for Tei, would be a lot more familiar, and safe. But things had settled down at school, and Eri hadn't forgotten. She'd actually taken time out from hanging out with Tei last night to check that Lance was still interested, and beamed with excitement when he said yes. And she'd clearly been preparing since breakfast, her bed and the floor of her bedroom were littered with piles of clothes and half opened packages. It took a moment to find room to place the bag of clothes she'd asked him to bring from his own wardrobe. 

Just what had he signed himself up for?

But it wasn't just fear that made his heart beat faster. He was excited too.

Eri looked at Lance in surprise. "Yuri guessed _that_? How?"

"He didn't guess _correctly_. I asked when he'd be back from his trip and he made some very unpleasant insinuations about why I wanted to make sure I'd have you to myself." Lance sighed. "I suppose it _was_ odd for me to express any interest in his life."

"Well maybe you should ask after him more often. This tour is a big deal for his band, you know." 

"Hah. I tried listening to their music, at your insistence. It was tuneless noise. The fact they have any audience is a telling indictment on our generation."

Eri stuck out her tongue. "I like their music. And I'm happy for Yuri." She stepped closer to Lance and tapped him on the nose. "And I know better than to take his insinuations personally. That's just Yuri being Yuri."

He resisted the temptation to bite her finger. She was right, of course. And Yuri hadn't been entirely wrong. Lance felt himself edging closer and closer to giving in to the inexorable pull of desire and loneliness that drew him towards his owner.

Eri tilted her head and stared at him with big hopeful eyes. "So. Yuri's on tour, Tei's at work, Red's playing soccer, and Yeonho is out with friends. Can we get started at last?" 

Lance sighed, pretending not to be charmed. "Where should I sit?" 

"Here!" She moved the chair next to the bed. He sat and watched as she started to pull makeup containers and brushes from various bags. He was suddenly overcome by how strange this situation was. He'd recently had a compelling reminder of how cruel the world was to those who bucked social norms. Did he really want to cross that line again, and this time for no reason but personal enjoyment?

"Look at this eye shadow!" she said, holding it up to the light. "It's the exact colour of your eyes." 

It was. What would he look like wearing it? How would he feel?

"Should I get changed first," he said. "So the clothes don't get dirty?"

"Yes! Clothes!" said Eri. "Let's do that first!" She stopped unpacking the bag of makeup and started unpacking a bag of clothes.

"I hope you didn't spend too much money," he said. "Should I reimburse you? My allowance is limited, but..."

"No, no, don't worry about it!" she said. "My mom gave me some makeup vouchers ages ago, so that was all basically free. And the clothes are mostly second hand, or from my wardrobe. I'd like to buy you new things sometime, like I did in your world, but..." She looked down at the skirt in her hand. "It's not like I can take you with me into the women's section."

"Mmm," said Lance. 

She laughed. "Anyway, you're doing _me_ a favour, right? I get to dress up a life size doll! I never liked girly clothes much for myself, but they're fun on you."

"I'm glad," he said. It _had_ been her idea, and if she wanted to think of this as something he was doing for her, he felt no need to contradict her. "What should I wear?" 

"Well!" She shook out the skirt. It was made of a deep blue fabric, and flowed like water. "How do you feel about skirts?"

"I'm not sure," said Lance. "But I suppose I'm about to find out." 

Eri grinned at him and handed him the skirt, then started rummaging through the bag of clothes he'd brought. "Let me know if you're ok with this..." she said, as if there was anywhere she'd lead where he wouldn't follow. "But I was thinking, since it's just the two of us, instead of trying to make you look like a regular girl, I'd just try to make you look...good? In a general way? But if you'd rather-"

"I'm sure I'll like whatever ensemble you come up with."

"Thank you! But I..." She took a deep breath and spoke quickly. "Lance...if you _want_ to look like a girl, if you want to _be_ a girl, then um...then that's ok."

"What?"

She wasn't quite looking him in the eye. "I was looking up tips for makeup for boys, and found all these...well, they're girls, but they used to be boys, and they were so happy about it, and I thought-"

"I'm not a trans woman." He'd considered the possibility, and considered what effect it might have on her feelings for him. But he felt fairly sure that it wasn't just fear of the consequences that made him consider himself a man, or at least, not consider himself a woman. And he was hardly the first man to enjoy wearing women's clothing, even if he found the idea of being a _crossdresser_  mortifying. It made him feel like a pervert. Not that he _wasn't_ a pervert, but that was independent of his taste in clothing.

She nodded seriously. "I respect your gender identity." It sounded like she was quoting something, probably some webpage about How To Support Your New Trans Friend. "But I'm just saying, if you decided you were, it would be ok."

"Eri. I'm not a girl. Are you a boy because you don't like wearing girly clothes?"

"What? No! Haha. Me! A boy!" 

"Exactly." 

"And I don't hate wearing girly clothes. I just don't like them all the time. I do like feeling pretty." Her voice was a little strained. She could be so neurotic sometimes, it wasn't like he'd meant anything by it.

"I understand." 

"And I cut my hair short because it's practical. And I like guys! A _lot_. I notice when girls are pretty, but that's normal!"

She noticed when girls were pretty? Did he have to start being jealous of her female friends now, too? But...maybe that meant she'd have liked him if he was a woman after all. It was an oddly comforting thought. Did he like wearing girly clothes because she wanted him to, because she needed an outlet for her repressed desire to look pretty? And perhaps, her repressed attraction to women? If that was true, did he mind?

"I'm not..." She bit her lip. She sounded genuinely upset. "I'm not a boy, am I?"

"Uh," said Lance, feeling out of his depth. He'd only been trying to make a point. 

"Not that it's bad to be a boy! But...Red and Tei like me as a girl. And what would my mom say? What would everyone say?" 

_Awful things,_ thought Lance. But that was hardly supportive. Nor was _Tei clearly has no objection to men_ , or _Based on his pornography collection, Red prefers busty blondes, so he clearly likes you for your personality._ What was it Eri had said before- "I respect your gender identity"? It would be more accurate to say "I don't care about your gender identity", but he didn't _not_ respect it. 

But before he had to test his limited ability to offer emotional support, Eri made a whispered plea. "Lance, what if I'm a boy? I don't want to be boy."

"Wait," said Lance. "You don't _want_ to be a boy?"

She shook her head sadly.

"Dummy. Then you're not. That's how it works." 

"Really? I don't really _want_ to be a girl either." 

"Does anyone?" From what Lance had seen, womanhood involved an awful lot of suffering, for little reward. 

"Those girls on the internet do." 

"...fine. _Some_ people want to be girls. But as far as I can tell, most people just go along with what society tells them they are. It's likely that if I had been made into Lancelia instead of Lance, I would see myself as a girl. But I came in a box marked 'boy', and given the alternative, I wish to remain one. You...didn't come in a box, but you were raised as a girl, and you don't want to be a boy. Since our society says you have to pick one of those two options, you might as well stay as you are. But, uh. Either way I...respect your gender identity."

"Thanks, Lance," she said, smiling up at him. "I feel better now. And that makes a lot of sense. I guess...I am a girl, I'm just really bad at it." She sighed. "I kind of wish I didn't have to be anything." 

Lance gave a matching sigh. "You're not alone. You're hardly any worse at being a woman than I am at being a man. And if you really want, you could identify as non-binary. But we've both seen what happens to those who step outside society's boxes." 

She nodded sadly, then tilted her head. "Non...bainerry? Is that English?"

Honestly, this owner of his. "Yes," he said. "It means being other than in one of two states. Which you'd know if you paid more attention in class." 

Eri groaned. "Why is all this stuff always in English?! It makes looking things up online way more confusing than it needs to be."

"If you don't like English, there's _androgyne_. That combines the Greek words for man and woman."

"Lance, they don't even teach Greek at school, how would I-"

He stepped closer and leaned down with a smug expression, enjoying how she glared back at him. Eri had a very cute glare. "Or _neutrois_ , that's from the Latin _neutralis_ , which means-"

"Stop! How do you even know all these words?"

Because he'd considered identifying that way himself, for a while, before deciding that defying a world of gendered expectations for an identity he wasn't even sure he liked was too much trouble. As long as he could express himself in private, with her, the rest of the world's opinion didn't matter. "Because I pay attention in school," he said. " _Neutralis_ , for example, is the root of the English word _neutral_ , which I believe is included in the vocabulary list for the upcoming finals."

"Ugh! Don't talk about finals! We're having _fun_ today, remember?"

He smiled. "I _am_ having fun."

"Because you enjoy tormenting me."

Exactly. "I enjoy _educating_ you."

"Hmmph," she said, not quite hiding a smile. "Well you can stop _educating_ me. It's nice to know I have more options, I guess." She looked down at the bag of Lance's clothes in her hands, with its collection of shirts, jackets, and trousers, all in the bland styles and colours of conventional masculine clothing. "But I think I'll stay a girl for now."

"I'd like you the same either way," said Lance. Then he added, grudgingly, "I'm sure the others would, too."

"Thank you," said Eri. "I hope so." She shook her head gently. "I guess it doesn't matter." She put on a smile. "Anyway, let's see what you brought me..." 

Eri went back to digging through Lance's bag, making a mess of his carefully folded clothes. She eventually pulled out a jacket and placed it in his waiting hands. It was a jacket he wore all the time, hardly very exciting. But after more rummaging around the room she added a pair of long, intricately patterned socks, and what appeared to be a very small shirt with odd tails at the front.

"Are you sure this is my size?" he said. "I'm not sure there's enough fabric to cover _your_ torso, let alone mine."

"I thought you said you'd like whatever I came up with. Try it on before you start complaining!"

"If you insist," he said, and put down the pile of clothes so he could start undoing his buttons. 

Her eyes went very wide, and she spent a moment staring at his increasingly visible chest before quickly turning around. Lance let himself smile when he knew she wouldn't see. She was _definitely_ still attracted to him. 

And of course, he was still attracted to her. As he stepped out of his trousers, it was hard not to think about the other times he'd undressed himself in this room, or undressed her...

The skirt fit better than he would have expected, though it flowed straight down from his waist in a way that made it clear he didn't have much in the way of hips. But he wasn't trying to pretend to be anything other than he was, today.

Lance considered his skirted, shirtless body in the mirror, and tried to decide how he felt about it. He decided to take the opportunity to ask a question that had been bothering him, now that Eri wouldn't be able to see any vulnerability in his expression. "If you like putting women's clothes on dolls," he said "Why did you never buy a female doll? Or put their clothes on us?"

Eri turned to look at her five ball-jointed dolls, all dressed in tiny but otherwise conventionally masculine attire. He could see the edge of her lips, and the way her eyelashes fluttered over her pink cheeks. "It never occurred to me," she said. "I just thought...boy dolls wear boy clothes, you know?"

Lance pulled on the shirt she'd given him. It was most certainly not a boy's shirt. It did fit, but only just, and revealed an awful lot of skin. 

"It never occurred to you to buy a girl doll?" he said, struggling a little to figure out what he was supposed to do with the tails at the front. They weren't long enough to tie in a bow, but looked odd hanging down untied.

"It did," she said, slowly. "But I..." She turned her head away from the dolls, and from him. "I felt like I'd be jealous. Of how much prettier they are than me. I don't get jealous of boys the same way, even... even when they're as beautiful as you." She laughed weakly. "That's really petty isn't it?"

"I can hardly fault you for being prone to jealousy," said Lance, quietly enjoying being reminded that she found him beautiful. "Your inability to see how beautiful you are can be a trifle frustrating, however."

She laughed again, more cheerfully this time. "You just think that because I'm your owner."

Lance gave up on the shirt and started pulling on the socks. They had swirling designs that made it look like jagged vines were crawling up his legs. He liked it. "Have I ever given you a false compliment? Have I ever understated your flaws in the areas of academia, or self preservation? If I say you're beautiful, it's because you are." He shrugged on the jacket and took a moment to consider himself in the mirror, and then another to look at Eri, unobserved. He felt so close to her, and yet there was still a wall between them that he couldn't bring himself to breach. "This shirt is confusing," he said, frowning down at it. "But other than that I am dressed. You can turn around."

"Oh." She smiled. "Do you like it?"

He took a step towards her, enjoying the way the skirt swirled around his legs, and the way this drew her eyes downwards. "I do." He took a step closer again, until she was within arm's reach. "But am I supposed to do something with these tails?"

"Ah," said Eri, looking down at him. "I think a loose knot would look best." As she tied the shirt, her cool fingers brushed against the bare skin of his stomach and he shivered. "It does show a lot of, um... you, doesn't it? I checked the measurements, but sometimes I forget how much bigger you are than me..."

Her hands lingered near his skin, as if she wanted to touch him as much as he wanted to touch her. "I don't," he said, mouth dry. He felt very short when he stood next to Red or Yuri, or even Tei. But they weren't here now. Right now it was just him and her.

She moved her hands away. "Time for the makeup!"

He obediently sat in her chair, glad the skirt was long and loose enough that he didn't have to worry about how to sit.

She held up a brush and he closed his eyes, feeling the feather-light touch of the soft bristles against his skin. Eri muttered to herself about shades and blending, but since Lance had nothing to say on those subjecst he just sat in silence. He started to feel awkward. Time to make conversation.

"You can't keep ignoring finals forever," he said. "Maybe we should have spent today studying instead." Eri made a sound of pain. Great topic choice, Lance. 

"Shhhh!" said Eri. "No finals talk today! I studied yesterday! And the day before!"

Wait, the day before? "You studied with _Red_?"

"Yes, I studied with Red! And it was very helpful!" It should have hurt, to hear her defend that idiot, but Lance just found her protective tendencies endearing. "He's really determined to get better marks next year. Tei made him realise school is important to his future. To uh, our future. As a family, that is."

Meanwhile, one reason Lance studied so hard was to distract himself from thoughts of her future, and what place he might have in it.

Lance opened his eyes, feeling soft powder float down off his eyelashes. Eri froze in the act of patting his nose with a pad of cotton. "Are you going to marry him?"

"What?" 

"Red. Are you going to marry him, after high-school."

"I...he hasn't..."

"He'd ask if he thought you wanted him to. Surely you know that." Why was Lance saying this? Did he _want_ them to get engaged, to make it clearer to himself where he stood?

She looked away, blushing. "I don't _know_ that. And..." The pad of cotton crinkled up in her hand as she squeezed her fingers tight. "And I don't know. I can only marry one person. It doesn't feel right."

"You want to be fair to Tei. How very even handed of you."

"I want to be fair to all of you."

She wanted to marry _all of them_? She wanted to marry _him_? Stupidly, pointlessly, he felt his heart clench. 

They weren't even eighteen yet. They weren't even _dating_.

"Don't you want to grow up and be normal?"

"Do you?"

 _All I want is to be where you are_.

He sighed. "I don't know if we even age. Maybe I _can't_ grow up." At least Red, Tei, and Yuri could pass as adults. Would he and Yeonho have to pretend to be her _sons_ one day? Or the sons of some distant cousin? The idea was horrifying.

"Of course you _age_ ," said Eri. "Haven't you noticed Yeonho getting taller? I think you and Red are taller too, this jacket definitely sat a little lower on your wrists when we bought it."

"I am?" He had to stop himself from standing up to measure himself. "But I'm the same amount taller than you as I was before."

"Because I'm growing too!" She patted the top of her head with a smile. "Maybe I'll catch up to you one of these days."

Lance could barely hold back a relieved laugh. "That seems unlikely, unless you have a very significant growth spurt." And a good thing too. 

"Hmmph. We'll just have to wait and see." She brushed her hand over the top of his head. "You're a part of my future, Lance. We're all going to grow up, but we're not going to grow apart. I'm determined. I was talking with Tei, and he pointed out that if everyone gets jobs, we can save up and move somewhere bigger, so you guys aren't all having to share or sleep on the couch forever."

"Tei wants that?"

"Tei wants everyone to be happy." 

_Tei wants **you** to be happy_. But for Eri to be happy, all her dolls had to be happy, and by her side. 

And however Tei might feel, Lance thought that being by her side forever, living in a big house with the other dolls...it didn't sound so bad. Deep down he'd been sure this situation could only be temporary, that eventually she'd want to get married and have children and grow out of childish things. But maybe she didn't. Maybe he could stay like this.

For all that he was jealous of Tei and Red, Lance liked their family, as Eri called it. He was a difficult, anti-social person, but he didn't actually like to be alone. It felt good to be part of a household, to be able to talk to Yeonho if he wanted conversation, to know that Tei would take care of any trouble, even to have Red and Yuri as a distraction when he needed to get out of his own head. 

Lance realised _he_ was happy. Happy in general, and happy in the moment. Not perfectly happy, but happy enough, and certainly not miserable like he'd been before. He'd been talking with Eri about Tei and Red, thinking about their feelings for her, and it hadn't hurt. They might have a hold on her he didn't, but they weren't here right now. Right now it was just him and his owner.

"Close your eyes," said Eri, and he obeyed. She started brushing shadow across his eyelids, and under his brows, and then ran a pencil along the edge, hard and cool. "Open your mouth. But keep your eyes closed!" The sweet chemical scent of lipstick wafted into his mouth as he stretched his lips open and flat. "Close your mouth...and...done! Open your eyes!"

He opened his eyes and blinked at her silently. He always felt more aware of his skin when he wore makeup. He couldn't see the mirror from this position, so he looked at Eri instead. She seemed pleased. 

"Go look in the mirror!" said Eri, bouncing with nervous excitement. 

He looked.

There were no bright colours this time, no blues or reds, just subtle shades of brown and white and peach. He didn't look like a different person, or a girl. He looked like himself. _More_ like himself. 

"Wait," said Lance, tilting his head to see a different angle, and realising why it looked familiar. "Did you match my doll makeup?"

"Oh!" said Eri. "Not on purpose, I was just following a contouring tutorial. But I guess it does look kind of similar. Is that ok?"

"Yes," said Lance. "I like it." The dark shadows accentuated the shape of his face, making his human features look more like the exaggerated, idealised proportions of a doll. It was an enjoyable mixture of strange and familiar. "You did a good job."

"Thank you!"

"Are you done with me, then?"

"I'm done dressing you up. But we could...oooh, I was going to suggest a snack, but your lipstick will smear."

"That seems impractical. Aren't there brands that don't do that? You should have bought one of those."

"Hey, it's more complicated than that! And...ah, I guess I can always apply it again. Are you hungry?"

"I am if you are." Especially if it meant she'd to touch his lips again.

Eri was right, his lipstick did smear, leaving peachy-pink marks on his glass whenever he drank. When they were done eating, he carefully washed the glass clean. It felt dangerous enough being out here in the main house dressed like this. Dangerous, but exciting, like a secret adventure he was on with Eri. 

"Heh, that's one way to get you to do the dishes," muttered Eri.

"Do you want me to do more housework?" Lance _hated_ housework, but he hated the idea of Eri resenting him more.

"Ehh..." She rubbed the back of her head. "It's Tei and Yeonho who actually do it, most of the time. If _you_ wash the dishes more, _I'll_ feel like I have to wash the dishes more."

"So it's in your best interests if I don't. Understood." He smiled, and put away the single clean glass. 

"So," said Eri, when they got back to her room. "Do you want to get changed and go out, or-"

"We should tidy this up," said Lance, who had no interest in changing just yet. "I don't know how you managed to create so much mess dressing a single person. Then again, your room was already a mess beforehand..."

"So's yours!"

"Because of Red. And if I could force him to tidy up, I would."

"So you're going to force me to tidy up?"

"If I have to." He leaned towards her slightly, and watched her shiver. He thought about how if he kissed her, he'd leave a peachy-pink mark on her skin. "Let's start with the floor. It's a trip hazard."

He sat down on the floor and reached for the nearest pile of clothes. He shook out the top item, a loose shirt made of a translucent material decorated with round flowers and flowing lines. As he folded it, Lance imagined what it might be like to wear. What would Eri pair it with: trousers? A skirt? He was no good at figuring out outfits, so what she came up with was always a surprise. 

Once he was done with the pile of shirts, he asked "Where should I put these?"

Eri looked up from _literally throwing_ a pile of clothes into a large cardboard box she'd brought from somewhere, and said "Here!" 

Lance walked over, holding the shirts to his chest, and peered inside the box. It was a mess. He gave a pointed sigh and sat down next to the box, by her feet, so that his side was against her legs. He reached into the box to neaten the clothes already inside, then carefully placed the pile of folded shirts on top.

"Lance," she said, as he leaned against her, "You're sitting very close."

He looked up at her, his breath warming her thighs. "We've been closer."

She didn't reply for a moment, and when she did, her voice was soft. "When we were dating. Which we're not."

"Right." He shouldn't torment her like this, even though she was an endless torment to him. He moved away and looked around at the rest of the clothes. They had to clean up this room before the others came back, not to mention cleaning up Lance himself. He thought about quietly going back to normal, and pretending today had never happened. And then he said, "You should reapply my lipstick. Something darker." 

He kept his eyes open this time. 

"I could teach you to do this yourself," said Eri, bending down to apply dark brown pigment to his lips. "It's not very hard."

"I like you doing it."

She smiled. "Me too. Ok, I'll just blot it-"

He took her hand before she could reach for a tissue. She looked confused, but didn't stop him as he brought her hand slowly to his lips and kissed it, looking up into her wide eyes. The lipstick left a perfect lip shape on the back of her hand. Very satisfying. He pulled her closer and kissed the inside of her wrist. She let out a breath. 

"Lance," she said, pulling gently on her hand but not resisting further when he didn't let go. "What are you doing?" It was a good question.

"Experimenting," he said, kissing further up her arm, leaving a line of dark marks along her pale skin, each a little paler than the last. He reached out the tip of his tongue to taste the salt on her skin. "Figuring out how you feel about me, and how I feel about you." 

"You know how I feel about you, Lance." She was slightly breathless, but he couldn't tell if it was melancholy or desire. 

"Do I?" He looked up at her, tightening his grip slightly. "Explain it to me. Explain how you can love more than one person at once. Because I can't imagine it." He let go of her arm. 

"I can't explain it," she said, looking at the mark on her hand, and rubbing it lightly with her fingertip, so the shape was lost. "Maybe something broke in my head when my memories were changed. Maybe I was always like this."

"But you still love me? Even with the others in your heart?" 

"Yes." She came closer, and put her hand on his cheek. Her skin was cool, but so soft. "I'm sorry we can't be what we were before. But I love you, Lance."

His voice trembled despite himself. "I haven't been replaced?"

"Nobody could replace you, Lance." He rested his forehead against her chest and gave a long, ragged sigh. She put her arms around him, and kissed the top of his head. Was the lipstick marking him, now? "Lance, I-" 

"I love you with my entire being. I can feel that love changing me, and it scares me. I don't know if I want to let myself be changed. Not that much, not even for you."

"Changing you? Does it...does it hurt you that we can't be together?" Her arms were tight, and her heartbeat was an unsteadily beating drum.

"It hurts me that we can. The idea used to horrify me, but now...all I can think about is how easy it would be. I'm already so jealous, could it be any worse? And I could be with you again."

She let out a weak breath, hopeful and afraid. 

"I know. I know you want us to be together. And I'm not sure I have it in me to deny you anything you want." But if he could change so easily...would he change again, if she wanted it? If she got sick of him, would he stop loving her? Would he stop caring about anything at all?

"Lance." His name came out like a sigh. "I don't want you to be with me if it's not what you want. I don't want you to change for me. I just want..." She brushed her fingers down his hair and her touch was so affectionate that he wanted to cry. "I just want you to be happy as yourself."

"Who is that?"

"The man...the person in my arms. My doll. You don't have to be my boyfriend to make me happy. I like hanging out with you, and dressing you up, and..." Her fingers stopped. "Wait, do you only like dressing up like this because I like it? I know this was my idea, but I thought-"

"I don't know why I started liking it," said Lance. "It might have been because of you. Does it matter? I enjoy it now." He didn't care how much he changed for her, as long as his heart remained true.

"Mmm," said Eri. "I...I guess that's ok for clothes. And food. I _like_ that you enjoy the things I find for you. But I don't want you to be..." She sighed. "You're my doll, but you're a person too."

He felt tears fall from his eyes to be absorbed by the soft fabric of her shirt. "I don't care about being a person as long as I have you." 

" _Lance_. Why are you so..." She pulled away and he thought his heart might break, but then she put his hands on his face and turned his head up to look into her eyes. "You are a person! A very stubborn person! And difficult! You're not just who I want you to be- did I want you to tease me about being bad at English? Or interfere with me being in the play? Or...there are so many things about you I didn't choose!"

"I know I'm difficult, I..."

"I'm glad! I like that you surprise me. It would have been boring if you'd just been the perfect prince in my imagination. And I want you to keep surprising me, and being stubborn, and making your own decisions. Even the ones that make me sad. Because it would make me sadder if you-" 

She was right. Her preferences influenced him, but he had his own mind. If he really, truly hadn't wanted to be with her, he would have stayed unhappy. He wouldn't feel the way he did now. And whatever happened, he would keep loving her forever.

Lance stood up. He stepped towards the woman he loved and pulled her into his arms. He placed his hands on her, on her face and on her back, and leaned down to gently touch his lips to hers. She stayed very still. Her lips had gone pink. He turned her head and kissed her cheek, but the lipstick had apparently all been worn off. He started kissing down her neck. There were other ways to leave marks. 

"Lance..."

"If it's not you, then it's me. This is what I want. And I want it so much. I want you. Do you want me?"

He felt her warm breath against him, felt the increasing pace of her heart. "Yes." 

"Do you love me?"

"Yes." The catch in her voice made his hands shake. 

"Can you promise to think of me, and only me, when we're together?"

"Lance, I'm sorry, but..."

He sighed, and rested his head against her. "Can you promise to try? To put me first, for these times we have together?"

"Yes."

He breathed against the smooth curve of her ear. He whispered, "Are you thinking about me now?"

" _Yes_. Lance..."

He kissed her lips again, and this time she kissed him back. It felt like coming home, like taking a breath of fresh air after being trapped in the cold emptiness of space. Her arms reached up to hold him and he drowned in her embrace. At last, at last. Why had he waited so long?

He moved his lips across her jaw, and down her neck. He sucked at the skin until it went pink. _Mine_.

"Lance, you shouldn't."

"Why not. Do you not enjoy it?" She was breathing even faster now. 

"Mmmm...but everyone else will see." 

"Eri. I want...I want to be with you. I want them to see. I want them to know that you're mine, even when I'm not with you."

"Lance. I'm not..."

"Not just mine. Theirs as well. I can...I can accept that. But are you saying I can't mark you at all?" 

"I...I'm not saying that. But come on, Lance, even the kids at school will see it _there_."

"They'll think it was Red." Lance didn't care. Everyone who mattered would know the truth. 

" _Lance_."

He kissed the spot gently. "Is there anywhere I could mark you that they wouldn't see? Won't I find their marks on you, when I explore your skin?" He didn't care, as long as he got to explore it.

" _Actually_ ," said Eri, "You won't. They don't _bite_ me. Because they're _nice_."

"Really?" He pulled down the neck of her shirt to nip at a point well below anywhere their schoolmates would ever see. "But you love being bitten."

She hissed. "I never said that."

"You didn't need to." He sucked at her collarbone and she let out a delightful noise.

Eri coughed self consciously. "Ok, maybe it's not...the worst thing. But not everyone is a pervert like you, Lance."

"Tei had you in the library. And Red..." Lance made a face. No matter how many times Lance explained about incognito browsing, autocomplete on their shared computer was always a minefield. 

"I said not everyone's a pervert _like you_. They're, um. More gentle. And I don't know that Red's a pervert at-"

"Stop talking about Red." He could accept her being with the other dolls, but he didn't want to think about it right now.

"You're the one who brought him up!"

"And now I'm changing the subject." He picked her up in his arms, pushing one hand up into her hair, and striding towards the bed. She made an outraged noise but put her arms around him tightly. He held her up with one arm and used the other to push aside the piles of clothes to make space to lay her down. As he reached across to move a fragile looking bag of make-up she gasped "Lance. Aren't we moving a little fast?"

He straddled her, having to stop to untangle his skirt but enjoying the way it covered them both while the bare skin of his legs lay against her. "You want to stop?" He ran a hand up her chest to brush against her breasts. 

"I'm just worried you'll change your-" He squeezed gently and she gasped. "Lance, it is _really_ hard to think with you doing that."

"Then stop thinking," he said, running his hands over every part of her he could touch. It had been so long, and he'd missed this so much. "I'm sure. And I'm sick of waiting, of _wanting_..." He leaned down and kissed her. Eri kissed him back, first hesitant then hungry and desperate, her hands clutching at his back like she was afraid he'd escape. She'd missed him too. 

But when she had to stop for breath, her hands went slack. "You're really sure?" she said, the pain in her voice making Lance ache with guilt. "You're not going to change your mind? I couldn't bear it."

"I'm sure. Eri. I'm never letting you go again."

She smiled, and ran her hand down her back to squeeze at his butt and pull him closer. "Me either." 

He blinked at her in surprise. She'd always been pretty passive in bed, and too shy to touch him below the waist without a great deal of encouragement. But he'd already known she wasn't the Eri he'd loved before. He still loved this new Eri with all his heart. "Now who's the pervert?" 

Her hand immediately dropped away. She blushed and looked to the side with an adorable frown. "You." Still a little shy, then. Nice to know. 

"Maybe." He moved his hips against her, since that was apparently what she wanted. She bit her lip and her eyes briefly fluttered shut. Lance was so overcome by love and desire that he could barely speak. "But you didn't used to be so bold. Have you been learning new things without me, owner?" 

"Um. A little bit." She looked up at him with self doubt. "Sorry, I can try to-." 

"I like you just the way you are," said Lance. He took her hand and placed it on his bare stomach, feeling his skin warm at her touch. "Why don't you show me what you've learned?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There may be a bit of a gap before the next set of chapters since I have to wrangle some Plot.
> 
> As far as I can tell via google-translated explorations, Korean trans discussions online do use a lot of English language terms. But the fact that I am an English speaker myself might have affected what results I got. 
> 
> One thing I feel pretty sure of is that Korean society is not very trans friendly (not that Australia is either, SIGH), so it feels out of character for Eri or Lance to consider identifying as non binary at this point in their lives, when they don't experience massive dysphoria or anything. That's unlikely to change over the period of time covered by this story, especially since I don't understand Korean pronouns well enough to navigate a discussion of them. But they might start identifying differently later on, especially once they've graduated high-school.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter gets pretty dark.

The first thing Yeonho noticed when he went in to wake Eri up for breakfast was that her room was surprisingly neat. Normally he couldn't get to her bed without having to step over piles of books and dirty clothing, but the floor was spotless, and the books and stationary on her desk were all lined up precisely. Was that what she and Lance did on their day together? Clean her room? Last night they'd both left dinner early, saying they wanted to hang out some more, it was funny to think they'd been excited about getting back to _cleaning_. That was pretty cute, and _very_ Lance. 

The second thing Yeonho noticed was that Eri wasn't alone in bed. Had Red snuck in after Lance went to bed? Yeonho had a moment of jealousy. Cuddling with Eri in bed was really nice, and not something he felt able to do any more himself.

He probably shouldn't wake them. They'd just get embarrassed, and it would be awkward, especially if they weren't wearing any clothes. He turned and started to quietly open the door to leave. 

He heard a gasp behind him. "What are you doing in here?"

That wasn't Red's voice. Yeonho turned back and was faced with a furious looking Lance, glaring at him through disheveled hair over Eri's still sleeping form. He was mostly covered by the blanket, but certainly didn't _seem_ to be wearing any clothing. 

Ah.

Yeonho just stared at him open mouthed for a moment as his mind caught up with the situation. Then he laughed to try to lighten the mood. Based on Lance's continued glare, it didn't work. "I just came in to tell Eri that Tei made pancakes. But you look busy, so I'll just...go, haha."

"Haven't you heard of knocking?" Lance's glowering eyes looked especially intimidating this morning, as if they'd been lined with black. 

"I did knock," said Yeonho. Tei had given him a very firm lecture on the importance of knocking. It wasn't Yeonho's fault that Lance hadn't noticed.

"So you say," muttered Lance. "Anyway, go. The pancakes can wait, she's asleep."

As if to contradict him, Eri made an utterly adorable yawn and slowly blinked her eyes open. "...pancakes?" She looked up at Lance with a sleepy smile. She was so beautiful. Seeing her glow with love, even when it wasn't for him...Yeonho couldn't look away.

Lance's glare immediately softened to something only 10% scary instead of 110%. "If you want." 

"Mmmm..." muttered Eri, with a low chuckle. "I don't know, you look pretty delicious, maybe I'll..."

Lance made a strangled noise and put his hand over her mouth, blushing. It was _definitely_ time to leave. 

"Hey!" said Eri, pushing Lance off her and sitting up. She did not appear to be wearing any clothes either, and her chest looked a little... _don't stare at her chest, Yeonho, that's rude_. "What was _that_ ab-AHHHHYEONHO." Eri pulled up the blanket to cover herself, staring at Yeonho in horror, and then turned to glare at Lance. "Why didn't you warn me he was there?!"

"You didn't give me the chance!"  

"BYE," said Yeonho "I'LL SEE YOU LATER," and fled.

* * *

It wasn't that Yeonho didn't know what sex was. 

He understood the basic process, and how it led to babies, and he was aware that many people found the act and the subject _intensely_ fascinating, well beyond any relevance to reproduction.

He just didn't understand the _appeal_. Cuddling was great, and kissing had been nice the two times he'd had the chance to try it. Eri's body was...nice, and he could imagine it being nice to cuddle naked, as a way to feel closer and express affection. But the rest of it just sounded kind of gross.

He had _thoughts_ sometimes, strange feelings in the dark that made him ashamed of the twisted shape of his mind. But they didn't bear much resemblance to _sex_ , at least not to any sort he'd heard about. And trying to imagine himself doing the things he'd heard about just made him feel hollow and sick.

It was pretty clear that no-one else in the house felt the same way. Yuri had made this clear from the beginning, but Yeonho had secretly hoped that the other dolls might be the same as him: they weren't originally human, after all, maybe they hadn't been made with human drives. And maybe Eri, too...

But apparently not. Not even Lance, who always made a big deal about how disgusting Yuri was any time he said something dirty. Apparently Lance felt differently when he had Eri alone, and she didn't seem to mind one bit. After all, wasn't that what everyone wanted in a relationship? Love, yes, but also passion. Yeonho was passionate in his way, sometimes his love for Eri burned so bright it felt like it would burn him up. But he didn't feel the right kind of passion, the kind of passion a man was supposed to feel for the woman he loved. 

It was probably for the best that Eri had other options. Sometimes he wondered: if they'd had the chance to stay together, back in his world, how long would it have taken for her to bore of him, and seek out a real man? Or would she have stayed, feeling frustrated, waiting for him to grow up? _Would_ he grow up? Or would he be stuck as a strange, stunted 17 year old forever, unable to satisfy the woman he loved, yet unable to ever move on?

"Is there something wrong with your pancakes?" asked Tei.

"No, they're great!" said Yeonho, taking a big bite to prove it. 

"Glad to hear it." Tei looked towards Eri's room with a soft smile. "Should I assume our sleepy princess decided she'd rather sleep in?"

"Um," said Yeonho, around a mouthful of pancake. He chewed slowly to stall for time.

"Ah," said Tei, his smile becoming thin. "I take it we won't need to wake Red."

" _Um_." 

"DO I SMELL PANCAKES?" Red slammed open the door to his and Lance's room and bounded towards the kitchen. "Don't tell me you invited Lance and not me!"

Tei's eyes widened. He silently handed Red a plate of pancakes, and looked towards Eri's room with a rather less soft expression, as Red cheerfully stuffed his face. "I suppose it was inevitable," said Tei, under his breath. 

Tei was always watching Eri, and always watching anyone she looked at with quiet resentment. He hid it well, but Yeonho recognised obsession when he saw it, and didn't understand how anyone so possessive could stand to share. He'd been happily surprised to see how friendly Tei and Red had remained after Tei and Eri started dating. But the look Tei was directing towards Eri's bedroom right now was not friendly at all.

Finally, Eri and Lance stumbled out of her room, both dressed in a normal amount of clothing. Eri was even wearing a scarf over the top of her pyjamas, though it wasn't especially cold this morning.

"Oooh," said Red. "Lance, were you in Eri's bedroom with her _alone_? Aren't men and women not _supposed_ to be alone together? I hope you weren't doing anything _dirty_." Lance just smiled. "Anyway, Eri, I'm glad that jerk woke you up. Look, Tei made pancakes! They're really good!"

"Haa...yeah! Yay, pancakes." She sat down and gave Tei a self conscious smile. "May I have some pancakes, Tei?"

"Of course, beloved," said Tei. He leaned down to give her a kiss on the forehead. Lance's smile wavered slightly. "A big pile of pancakes for my favourite girlfriend, coming right up." 

"Thanks."

Everyone but Lance started to eat. 

"Uh," said Lance, looking at Tei in confusion. "May I have some as well?" 

"Of course," said Tei, smiling, as if he'd just forgotten Lance by accident. Maybe he had? 

"So, Eri," said Red, through a mouthful of food. "Do you have any plans today? I was thinking we could-"

"She's spending the day with me," said Lance. 

"She saw you yesterday," said Red. 

"Yes," said Lance. "And we started dating, and wish to spend today together as well. Isn't that right, Eri?"

"Uh...mmmm," said Eri. "Yeah. Is that...ok, Red?"

Red's mouth fell open, and he dropped his fork. "You're dating _Lance_ now?"

"Yes?" She looked afraid, like she was worried he'd reject her. _Come on, Red,_ thought Yeonho, _tell her that it's ok_. It was ok, wasn't it? Red was really important to Eri, and Yeonho didn't want to see her get hurt.

"Wait, Lance, is that why you were in her room?" Red's voice got a little more strained. "Is that why you weren't there when I woke up?"

"Yes," said Lance. 

"But I thought you didn't want to..."

"I changed my mind," said Lance. 

"Oh," said Red. He sniffed, and his lip wobbled. "That's...great! Congratulations." 

"Yeah," said Yeonho. "I'm really happy for you guys!"

"Yes, congratulations," said Tei, with what barely counted as a smile. Honestly, couldn't they make a bit more of an effort? Yeonho felt jealous too, but the important thing was for Eri to know that her little family would stay together. And she was happy, that should be enough. It had to be. 

"Thank you," said Lance.

"Thanks, guys," said Eri. 

An awkward silence settled over the table.

"So, uh, what are you two going to do today?" said Yeonho. "I noticed you spent yesterday cleaning up Eri's room, haha." And other things, but they couldn't spend the whole day doing _that_ , surely.

Eri mock-pouted at Lance with an affectionate glint in her eyes. "He's going to make me study. Romantic, right?" She really did love him, didn't she? How nice for Lance. 

"I..." Lance blushed slightly. "I care about you too much to want to see you fail. I think helping you succeed is a perfectly reasonable way to express my affection."

"Haha, you guys are really cute together," said Yeonho. They were, it was annoying. "Maybe I should get Lance to help me study, too."

" _That_ would be unromantic," said Lance. "Ask Tei."

"How kind of you to offer my services."

"Oh, uh...obviously you don't have to help him. I guess...Red...or one of our other schoolmates..." Lance flailed. He was usually so cool and calm, it was easy to forget what an awkward softy he was underneath. Yeonho felt his usual affection towards Lance returning, just a little bit. "I'm sorry, Yeonho, but I really would rather just spend today with Eri alone."

"It's ok, I understand!" said Yeonho. It had been worth a shot.

"I'll help you study, Yeonho," said Tei. "After all, they say the best way to learn is to teach."

"Thanks Tei." Yeonho really _did_ need to study, his midterm results had been very bad, and it would be awful if he had to stay behind while Eri and the others went ahead.

"So, Eri," said Tei, patting her hair and letting his hand slide down to the scarf around her neck. "Are you cold? Do you need me to turn up the thermostat?"

Eri ducked her head down to stare at her plate. "No, I'm fine!"

"Yeah, what's up with the scarf?" said Red. 

"Um," said Eri. "I...guess...I _am_ a little cold?" She pulled the scarf tighter around her neck. "But don't worry about the thermostat! I'll be ok!" She looked super embarrassed. Oh...was it because of that redness on her chest? Some of it had been near her neck, was she making sure none of them could see? She got so worried about her appearance sometimes, as if any of them would ever see her as anything but entirely beautiful.

"It's ok," said Yeonho. "We won't think it's weird."

Red tilted his head. "Won't think what's weird?"

"Nothing's weird," said Eri, firmly.

It occurred to Yeonho that she probably wouldn't want to discuss her skin problems over breakfast. "Yeah, haha, she's just wearing a scarf, that's not weird!"

"Exactly, she can wear what she likes," said Lance. Right, he would have seen...everything. 

"Yes," said Tei. "Her decisions are her own."

* * *

"Yeonho," said Tei, as they stacked the dishes after breakfast. "When you went in wake up Eri this morning, what did you..." He stopped.

"Tei?"

Tei put down the stack he was holding, and started scraping leftover pancake parts off a plate into the bin. "No, I shouldn't ask. It's none of my business."

Had he figured out what was going on? He was so clever sometimes.

"You don't need to worry, Tei." said Yeonho. "I was about to go give Eri some moisturiser."

"Moisturiser?"

"Mmm. A boy in our class gave it to me after he, um, saw my... my scars. I don't need it, but it smells really nice, and it's supposed to be good for irritated skin."

Tei stopped again, looking down at the knife in his hand. "Eri has...irritated skin? On her neck?"

"Um." Yeonho got the sinking feeling that he was missing something. "Nothing bad. Just a bit of a rash. And it's mostly on her, uh, chest."

Tei looked pained, and closed his eyes. "Are you sure it wasn't a bruise?"

"A bruise? Hmm..." Yeonho thought back to the brief glimpse he'd gotten this morning. "Oh. I guess it did look more like a bruise." Why would she be bruised _there_? "Oh no, do you think she hurt herself?"

Tei sighed. "No."

"Then what do you think happened? Tei, if Eri's hurt, or sick...I want to know. Please, what are you worried about?"

Tei's lips thinned, and the knife squeaked against the plate. "I worry that Lance did it to her, on purpose."

"What?! Lance...Lance wouldn't...he _loves_ her." 

The look Tei gave him was so sad it made Yeonho's heart hurt. He was _definitely_ missing something.

"I envy you, Yeonho," said Tei. 

"You do?"

Tei nodded. "You're as broken as me, but you don't want to hurt anyone, do you? You're not dangerous to anyone but yourself."

Yeonho didn't like to think of himself as dangerous to anyone, himself included. But Tei's words just reminded Yeonho of things about himself he'd tried to forget. "You're not broken, Tei," he said. "Not...not like me." Tei's damage was so small. No-one would stare at Tei in the changing room and whisper rumours about the parents he'd never had. No-one would think he must have done something _very_ bad, to deserve so much punishment. "And anyway, what does that have to do with anything? Lance isn't broken."

Tei shook his head. "Not like us. But he's still a doll. I think we're all a little broken, inside. We weren't made to be human, to be able to speak, to touch..." He put down the plate onto the bench, and held up his hand, as if touching the air, or some imaginary person. "These feelings we have, this _need_. It's dangerous. It makes us..."

It was strange to see Tei voice the thoughts Yeonho had been hiding so deep within himself. "I understand."

"Do you?"

Yeonho looked down into the dirty water of the sink, lined with bubbles and scum. "I don't think Lance would hurt Eri. But I understand about being dangerous. I..."

Tei went still. "You what?"

"I think I understand what you mean. But surely Lance-"

"No, you were going to say something else. What was it?"

Tei's cleverness could be difficult sometimes. There was probably no use trying to change the subject, now. "Um. Well," said Yeonho, trying to figure out how express himself without venturing into parts of his head he found it better to avoid. "Back in my world. I became... obsessed. For a while. With..." _Master_. "With Eri." 

"You've always been obsessed with her." Tei said it so dismissively, like it was obvious to everyone. It probably was. "You talked about being dangerous. What did you mean?"

"Um." Yeonho paused. He'd kept the memory hidden so far inside himself he'd mostly forgotten all about it. He didn't really want to talk about it, for Tei to know what he was really like. But maybe that was just a sign of how much Yeonho needed to tell the truth. "It went beyond my usual...my usual obsession," he said. "You all noticed." Yeonho always felt strange knowing that none of them remembered that time, now. No-one in this world had seen that side of him. No-one but Eri. "I couldn't think about anything else. I just...I wanted so hard for her to love me, the way I love her. And I knew she never would. I knew...I felt like..." His hands clenched around nothing, remembering. "No matter how much I changed myself, no matter how hard I tried to be good, I'd never be enough. Eventually, she'd abandon me for someone better. Someone...someone she could really love. I...I was consumed with jealousy of her _mother_. That's how important I wanted to be to her. And if I couldn't have that...I..." He stopped, unable to continue. It was too much. Some things were better left unsaid.

"Mmm?" Tei's voice was soft, yet unexpectedly near. Yeonho looked up at Tei- when had he gotten so close? His eyes had gone very wide, and strangely blank, like they were back to being made of glass. Yeonho had a sudden, intense premonition of danger. Maybe he wasn't the only one who was dangerous. "What did you do, Yeonho?" said Tei. "What did you do to our owner?"

_I can't tell him,_ thought Yeonho. _He'll kill me_. It seemed absurd. But Yeonho knew better than to ignore his instincts. He laughed awkwardly. "I...I didn't do anything." 

"Is that so?" Tei came closer still, looming over him, forcing Yeonho to step back. He felt the cold flatness of the wall against his back and could retreat no further. Tei grasped Yeonho's chin in one hand, and Yeonho felt something against his chest- was that a _knife_? He let out a faint whimper of fear. Maybe Tei really was broken. Maybe it took another broken doll to finally see how broken Yeonho was inside.

"I didn't do anything! I swear! I just thought about it!"

Tei's fingers were strong, and held Yeonho's chin so tight it felt like the bone would crack. There was no expression in his face, it was like looking into an empty mask. "Thought about what?" 

"I thought..." Yeonho was having trouble breathing. "I thought, hu-humans are so delicate. And for us to be together forever I-" Yeonho's voice gave out in a sob. He felt tears streaming down from his eyes, too terrified of what Tei might do to try to wipe his face. "I-I just had to-"

There was a loud gasp. Yeonho turned to see Lance staring at the two of them.

"Terrible timing, as always," muttered Tei, and he let go of Yeonho's chin.

"What's going on?" said Lance. 

"Yeonho and I were just talking. Isn't that right, Yeonho?" Tei smiled, but it was an awful smile, cold and empty.

Yeonho wiped his eyes. What should he say? If he told the truth, Lance would find out Yeonho's secret. But if he didn't, Lance would leave, and then what would Tei do to him?

_Nothing you don't deserve_. 

Maybe if he knew the truth about Yeonho, Lance would help Tei punish Yeonho. Maybe he'd get Eri, and she'd be the one who held the knife. Yeonho didn't want Eri to know what kind of person he was. No matter what happened, he wanted her to keep believing he was good.

"Yes. We were just talking," said Yeonho, trying to calm his breathing. "I...I got upset, and Tei was cheering me up." That sounded plausible, didn't it? More plausible than reality. Yeonho almost convinced himself it was true.

Lance frowned, looking torn. He respected Tei, and trusted Yeonho. It must be difficult for him to imagine that the two of them would lie to him so brazenly.

"Do...do you want to talk to me, Yeonho?" said Lance. "Tei seems..." He paused, unable to find the words. Lance could be so kind sometimes. Yeonho felt bad for thinking he might have hurt Eri. Then again, Tei was usually kind, too. 

"Aren't you busy with Eri?" said Tei. "Studying?"

Lance looked towards Eri's room with a wistful smile. "She said we needed brain food."

"I'll make you a snack," said Tei. He seemed like his normal self again. But what would he be like when Lance was gone?

Yeonho backed away slightly, though he didn't know where he could go. "I...I'll just..."

"Stay here," said Tei. "And help. After that, we can study together. Maybe we'll both learn something." He smiled, and Yeonho shivered.

There was no escape, was there? But Yeonho didn't deserve to escape. Of course Tei wanted to hurt him. He'd admitted he was dangerous, dangerous to _her_. This just showed that Tei was strong, and protective. The way a man should be.

And then Eri wandered out of her room, like a guardian angel in a turtleneck.

"Lance, what's the hold-up," she said. "If I fail geography it's going to be your..." She stopped, and stared at Yeonho in alarm. "Yeonho? What's wrong?!"

He forced his mouth into a smile. "N-nothing, I'm fine."

She ran over and put her hands on his shoulders. She was here, he was safe. Everything would be ok, right? "You're not fine. Something's wrong! What happened?" Yeonho just shook his head. "Tei?" 

Tei opened his mouth, but no sound came out. 

"Lance, do you know?"

"No, I came out and..." He stared at Tei for a moment with furrowed brows. "Yeonho was already upset."

Eri pulled Yeonho into her arms. She was so warm. He leaned against her and breathed in her scent. "It's ok, Yeonho. You can tell me."

"I...I just..." Yeonho tried to come up with a good lie, but he was so bad at lying. He should be strong, but he was so weak. He let himself give up on trying not to cry. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have thought about it. I shouldn't have...I shouldn't exist. I don't deserve to exist. I'm so sorry."

"Yeonho, that's ridiculous. Of course you deserve to exist!" She rubbed his back and kissed his hair and she was so soft and kind. "Tei, _please_. What happened?"

"He said he was dangerous." Tei's voice was soft, and scared, like _he_ was afraid of _her_. 

" _Yeonho_?" She sounded so outraged, like she couldn't even imagine it. Because he'd fooled her so well. 

"I did," said Yeonho. He sobbed. "I am. Tei was just...just trying to protect you."

"I don't understand," said Lance. "What...Tei, what did Yeonho do to make you think he was _dangerous_? Did he threaten you? It looked like you were threatening him."

Eri gasped and held Yeonho tighter. _She'll protect me_ , he thought, even though it was wrong. "What? Tei..." 

"He said he was dangerous," said Tei, more weakly this time. 

Eri leaned her head against Yeonho, as if she was the one needing his support. "I wish you'd just tell me," she said. "Whatever it is, I'll understand. We can figure it out together." 

"You'll hate me," said Yeonho. 

"Don't be so sure," said Tei. "She doesn't hate me."

"Are either of you a danger to Eri right now?" Lance's voice had an edge to it Yeonho hadn't heard before.

"No," said Yeonho. He could at least say that for sure.

"I don't know," said Tei.

" _What_." 

"Lance, don't look at Tei like that! I'm sure this is just some misunderstanding."

"Yeonho," said Tei. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have...You never hurt her, did you? You thought about it, but you never did anything."

"Mmm..." he said, then buried his head against her shoulder in shame. 

"He did _what_ ," said Lance.

"Is that all?" said Eri, patting his head. "Just thoughts, Yeonho? Thoughts aren't dangerous. I won't hate you for _thoughts_."

She wouldn't? But she didn't know what he'd been thinking. 

Tei laughed. "It really is just me, isn't it?" His voice was faltering, and nearly as high as Yeonho's. "Lance, you'd never hurt her either, would you?"

"Of course not! What the hell is wrong with-"

Tei laughed again, but this time his voice was low. "At least... not unless she liked it."

Lance made a strange noise. They all kept talking, and sometimes shouting, but it wasn't about him, and Yeonho found it hard to keep track of what was being said. Eri didn't hate him. Eri wouldn't hate him. Eri...

Eri wailed as if she was in pain, and her arms dropped from Yeonho's side.

"Tei! At least wait until Yuri gets back!"

"No."

"What's...what's happening?" said Yeonho. Eri was crying, and Tei was crying too, and Lance...Lance was staring at Tei like he was some sort of monster. 

"Tei says he's going to leave." Eri was staring at Tei like he was breaking her heart. 

"I should have left the first chance I got," said Tei. "I knew what I was. It was pure selfishness that kept me here, that made me pretend to be...to be good. It's only by sheer luck that the others have seen what I am. Otherwise I might have kept hiding it forever. Otherwise...it might have been you, not Yeonho, who suffered next time."

Tei was leaving? No, this was all wrong. He was part of Eri's family. He couldn't leave. "Is this because of me?" said Yeonho. 

"No, Yeonho," said Eri. She took his hand in hers and gently squeezed his fingers. He squeezed back. He didn't understand what was happening, but he understood the need to touch and be touched. "He shouldn't have hurt you. That was wrong of him. And it wasn't your fault."

"He didn't hurt me." Scared him, yes. But Yeonho was always scared. "And he was trying to protect you! He didn't do anything wrong!"

Tei laughed. "You're worse than her. She always forgives me, but at least she knows it's wrong."

"What?" Yeonho looked at Eri in alarm. "He hurt _you_?" But Tei _protected_ Eri. He was the one protecting her from Yeonho, and Lance. 

"Apparently," said Lance. "Apparently he..." His eyes burned. What had Tei done, for Lance to hate him so? Was Lance going to hate Yeonho too?

"He didn't really hurt me," said Eri, as if it was nothing. But Lance wouldn't stare at Tei like that if it was nothing. Tei's eyes wouldn't burn with so much shame. "And it was before, back when we weren't even dating yet. I know he won't do it again."

"No you don't," said Tei. " _I_ don't know that. I like to believe it, but..."

So Tei really was dangerous, just like Yeonho. They were both broken in the same way after all.

"Where will you go?" asked Yeonho. "Should I...can I go too?"

"You?" Tei shook his head. "No, they'll need you, with me gone." The house, with Tei gone. It was hard to imagine. "Mr Hobin has always said his spare bed is free if I need somewhere to stay. But there's only room for one."

"Mr Hobin...you're going to stay at the cafe? Oh," Eri smiled through her tears. "I thought you were going _away_. Can I visit you?"

"Yes," said Tei. "Please. I...I could never really leave you. I need you."

"I need you too." She let go of Yeonho, and approached Tei. She reached out her arms. "Don't go, Tei, please." Tei stared at her like a drowning man stares at land, but he didn't step into her arms. He was stronger than Yeonho, whose fingers already ached for her touch.

"He said he hurt you," said Lance, his voice cracked. "That he was going to...if you can't think of yourself, what about Yeonho? Eri, he threatened him with a _knife_."

_That doesn't matter_ , thought Yeonho. But if Tei was even more dangerous than Yeonho, if he had to go to keep Eri safe... "I was very scared," said Yeonho. It wasn't even a lie. 

"I know," said Tei, looking Yeonho in the eye, and even now Yeonho wanted to trust him. He wanted Tei to make him feel safe. 

"We'll be able to visit you?" he said. "You shouldn't be alone."

"I'll have plenty of company," said Tei. "Mr Hobin, Zion...oh, and the cat." He smiled. "If you hurt Eri, I'll kill him."

"W-what?" Yeonho felt like he'd been punched. Tei's smile didn't waver. 

"There's clearly no point threatening _you_ ," said Tei. "You _want_ to be hurt."

Yeonho doubled over, trying to breathe. It was one thing to threaten Yeonho. But an innocent cat? And how did Tei know? How did he see so quickly into the darkest parts of Yeonho's heart, when most of the time Yeonho barely understood himself? Tei was so cold, and cruel, when before he'd always been warm and kind. Had that all been a pretence, then? It had felt real to Yeonho.

"Tei, don't say things like that." Eri didn't seem shocked, just sad. Had she always know Tei was like this? Yeonho had gotten the feeling that there was history between them that he didn't understand. But he'd never imagined anything like this. 

"Why should I pretend any more? You all know what I am, now."

"You hurt Yeonho's feelings. And I know you care about Yeonho."

"Do I?" 

Did he? Had any of it been real? What sort of man was Tei, really? Yeonho looked up at the doll he'd always considered a friend. Tei's eyes were red, his face pale, and his hands were shaking. He didn't look like a heartless monster. He looked like someone in pain. 

"Yes, you do!" said Eri. "You're not going to make me push you away, Tei, no matter how hard you try. So don't hurt them trying to protect me."

Tei stared down at her, and she stared back. "None of us deserve you," he whispered, looking away. He sighed. "I'm sorry, Yeonho," he said, softly. "I won't hurt John." Yeonho let out a sob of relief. "I won't hurt you, either. And I...I trust you, to look after the owner. Not because I threatened you. Because you're good."

It felt like a weight had fallen off Yeonho's chest. Tei did care about him. He wasn't entirely cruel. He was stranger than Yeonho had thought, stranger even than Yeonho himself. But the friendship they'd shared, the trust...it wasn't nothing. 

"I'm not good," said Yeonho. "But I'll protect her anyway. I'll look after everyone, while you're away. I..."

"Come on, Tei," said Lance. "I'll help you pack."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want you alone with Eri, and Yeonho looks like he's about to collapse." He gave Yeonho a cool look, emotionless as ever but somehow comforting. "We'll all take care of each other, Yeonho. Like we always have."

Yeonho nodded. While Lance and Tei were busy in the library, he sat on the couch with Eri, who cried and leaned against him. Or perhaps he leaned against her. 

She whispered, "Are you...are you going to leave me, too?"

Right now he barely had it in himself to keep upright. "Not if you want me to stay. But I-"

"Please, don't tell me. Whatever it was, I don't mind. Sometimes the truth is too much." She clutched at his arm. "I just want you to stay." 

She needed him here more than she needed to be safe. He could understood that. Yeonho patted her hand where her fingers grabbed at his shirt. Her fingers felt cold. "Then I'll never, ever leave." 

Eri put her arms around him, and he leaned into her embrace. "Thank you," she said, and kissed him on the cheek. He wanted to kiss her back, and hold her so tight no-one else could ever touch her or hurt her again.

Lance strode out of the library with a large bag in each arm. "This should be enough for now," he said. "If you've forgotten anything, message me or one of the other dolls and we'll bring it to Banjul."

"Thank you, Lance," said Tei. "I'm sorry...I'm sorry I'm not who you thought I was. I'm glad she has you by her side."

"So am I," said Lance. 

"Tei," said Eri, letting go of Yeonho and standing up. "Please, I-"

"Please," said Tei. "Let me leave. This is already so hard."

"I know it hurts," said Lance. "But this is better for everyone. Even Tei."

She bit her lip, and a tear snaked down her cheek. She nodded, and lowered her head. Part of Yeonho hated Tei, then, for making her cry. Tei made her love him, and then he hurt her, and then he abandoned her. Whatever his reasons...nothing could be worse.

Tei slowly walked towards Eri. He tentatively reached a hand towards her face, and Eri threw herself against him, burying her head against his chest with a sob. "Stay here," he said, patting her hair. "Be safe. You'll take care of everyone, and they'll take care of you. And I will still be there when you need me." He leaned his head on top of hers. "I will always, always love you."

"Me too," said Eri. "Always." _I hope not_ , thought Yeonho. _I hope you forget him, and can be happy_. Tei did love Eri, there was no doubting that. But she deserved a safe, warm, and joyful love. Not one that brought her pain.

And not just her. Yeonho looked at Lance, and saw the worry clouding his heart, and how difficult it was for him to stand by and watch Eri choose the arms of the one who'd hurt her.

Tei took Eri's head in his hands, and wiped her eyes. She smiled up at him, her eyes warm with affection. He leaned down and gave her a kiss, just a soft brush of his lips, and then stepped away. 

And then he took his bags, and opened the door, and he was gone.

**Author's Note:**

> This is marked Choose Not To Warn because it doesn't quite hit any of the main warnings, but there's some discussion of abuse and rape, and some fade-to-black consensual sex involving arguably underage characters, including teacher/student. And...well. I've toned down Tei's Tei-ness a little but he's still...Tei. 
> 
> I've written Lance and Eri as having Gender Issues in that grey area between non-binary and cis, and in my current draft Yeonho is asexual. 
> 
> Asides from the listed pairings, I am plausibly going to include Nameless/Zion and Soi/Shinbi. I don't think Nameless is going to be part of the poly setup if he shows up.
> 
> Finally, I have rated this "Teen" since that's the AO3 classification it seems to fit best, but I'm a little uncomfortable with the implication that it's suitable for all teens. I think there's enough information here for readers to make their own informed decision but...don't date your teachers or would-be rapists, kids. (I know you know that. I just feel better for saying it)


End file.
